Hunting For The Elusive Mayfly Known As Love: Not
by Blood-Lotus Demonwalker
Summary: The Trigun cast in Donut High. Yes, it's a drama with humor. Think of the show 'Soap'. BTW, for those who don't know, YES the story has immense STUPIDITY as well as a plot. If you don't like it, don't read it. R&R please! Chapter fourteen is up!
1. Defining The True Meaning Of Strip Poker

Disclaimer: I don't own Trigun, Beverly Hills Cop or the Banana idea or the book "A Walk To Remember". I also don't own Dance Dance Revolution or the song "Oh Nick Please Not So Quick" and I don't own 'Mr. Roger's Neighborhood'.  
  
Please R&R as we all like to feel special.  
  
**Hunting For The Elusive Mayfly Known As Love...Not...**  
  
**Chapter 1**

  
Defining The True Meaning Of Strip Poker

  


Today, was not a good day. Today, to say the least, was the first day of the rest of everyone's lives. No, wait. Scratch that. When Vash is involved, bad things tend to happen. Like, for example, spraying shaving cream all over Mr. Hojo's room. Oh no, wait, MUCH worse. Replacing the staff room's coffee with gasoline that had food coloring in it. Yup, that was the best way to get out of school. By poisoning all the teachers, nothing could go wrong.  
  
Meryl Stryfe even began to wonder if Vash Saverem carried a hit list with him wherever he went. Yes, she imagined, he'd be walking in the halls debating to himself. 'Gee, I wonder who I can pick on today! Oh, look! Looks like the vice-principal is on the top of my list! Guess I'll pull that stupid toupee off his head and sneak it into his ham sandwich! Yeah, that's good. So then when he takes a bite of his sandwich, the first thing he gets is a mouthful of hair! Vash, you ARE a genius!'  
  
But seriously, back to the present. Today was the first day of their senior year at Donut High. It had USED to be called 'The-School-That- Doesn't-Believe-In-Fun High' until Vash got a campaign together to change the school's name. Vash had even gone so far as stalking the Mayor to her house and spray-painting, 'I'm going to haunt you and your children and your children's children and your children's children's children.' on her front porch. Finally, (even though the Mayor HAD gotten a restraining order against Vash, but it failed to work) the Mayor had assented to the name 'Donut High'. Too bad donuts were Vash's favorite food.  
  
Meryl rolled over on her stomach in her bed and began to whine. Why couldn't summer have been just a little longer? Why? No, better yet, the Saverems had just moved to Gunsmoke City not too long ago, so maybe they'd move!  
  
"Yeah Meryl…" She said, most of her words getting absorbed into the blankets. "…and Nick is going to become a priest someday."  
  
Yet it was true. Nicholas D. Wolfwood HAD been trying to become a priest since he was nine years old. Too bad that the churches had all rejected him here. It was only because Nick had recited a sermon at his last Sunday School Class and it turned from one about blasphemous acts to strip poker and cigarettes.  
  
Nick was Meryl's best male friend, and she could tell him anything. But after attending his sermon and watching the expressions of the ministers' faces, she had thought twice about confining in Nick ever again. Picking up a low-cut shirt and black pants, Meryl quickly changed and wandered downstairs. Yes, today was going to be a terrible day.  
  
After breakfast, Meryl grabbed her backpack and headed down the sidewalk, five blocks to the school. At age 17, one was thought to already be driving. But not Meryl. Well, it wasn't HER fault that she didn't pass the driver's examine. It was, lucky for her, that broom-head's fault. You see, he had stuck a banana in the tailpipe as a prank to screw her up. But he did more than that. He had cost her another year of waiting for a RE-try on the test. He had gotten that idea after watching Beverly Hills Cop. Yes, Vash loved to pick on EVERYONE. Especially Meryl.  
  
Oh, and then there was Vash's twin brother, Millions Knives. Meryl just couldn't POSSIBLY see how Rem, the twins' adoptive mother, could survive the torture of the two. If it wasn't Vash, it was Knives. Meryl sulked lower to the ground. If it hadn't been for the support of Milly Thompson and Nick, Meryl wasn't sure if she could stay sane.  
  
Meryl walked in through the doors of Donut High and looked around for any of her friends. She was quickly greeted with a face full of silly string and a paper to her face.  
  
"What classes do ya have for your senior year?" Oh no. Not him again!  
  
"Didn't you die over the summer?" Meryl growled and tore the paper from her face.  
  
"Nope, much to your dismay." Vash flashed one of his annoying smiles and pointed to the paper. "So what classes do you have?"  
  
"In order of period: Algebra 3-4, Chemistry, Drama, English, Cooking, and General PE" Meryl grinned. She hadn't wanted ANY of those classes, but last year Vash and her had gotten ALL the SAME classes together and Meryl didn't want to go through another year of that. SO she chose all the classes that she knew that he wouldn't choose.  
  
Vash's face brightened as he grabbed Meryl and swung her around in a circle. "Guess what! We have ALL the same classes together...AGAIN!"  
  
Meryl felt like she was going to be sick. A...AGAIN!? "...I'm getting a schedule change." She announced. Vash's face pouted. "Aw, Meryl, you're no fun! It'll be a great year!"  
  
It was indeed a terrible day. Yes, it was.

  


Meryl met Milly and Nick at the other end of the school and compared classes with them. Milly only had Drama and English with Meryl and Nick also had Algebra, Drama, Cooking, and PE with Meryl. Knives, on the other hand, had Algebra, Drama, Cooking, AND Chemistry with Meryl. How elating.  
  
"Someone...shoot me." Meryl wailed.  
  
The bell rang. That meant that Meryl had to start off the class with Vash, Nick, and Knives in Algebra. Meryl walked into the classroom and the blood drained from her face. The room was coated with toilet paper and on the white board, the initials VS were written in blue ink.  
  
"Nevermind. I'll shoot myself." Meryl turned at the gasping noise made by her Algebra teacher, Mr. Balding---who WAS balding by the way.  
  
"W...What!? NO! I JUST REPAINTED THIS ROOM! LOOK AT THIS!" Mr. Balding fingered the toilet paper in his hand and then looked at the board. "'Beat me, just do it'? VASH SAVEREM! YOU'RE A DEAD KID!" But as the teacher turned, a water bucket from above was dumped and drenched Mr. Balding.  
  
"Uh..." Meryl watched as her teacher pulled a shotgun from out of his desk and turned to look at her.  
  
"I'm going to kill myself. But first, I'm going to kill Vash." The teacher then proceeded to put on war paint, an army helmet, and thundered out of the room.  
  
"Guess that means there's no class." Meryl assumed.  
  
Nick came into the classroom, singing the most annoying song that Meryl had ever heard.  
  
"Oh Nick please not so quick, you know it makes me sick..." The one song Meryl dreaded from Dance Dance Revolution. Meryl chucked her backpack at Nick and watched as he fell to the ground. "Ow..."  
  
"Shut up Nick. You're annoying." Meryl grumbled and tossed some of the toilet paper lingering around into the trashcan.  
  
"Hey where's the teacher?"  
  
"Hunting Vash."  
  
"Ah, Vash, huh? You know the nickname they've given him around here, right? Cause he's such a trouble maker?"  
  
"No, what?"  
  
"Vash the Stampede."  
  
"Vash the Stamped-ED sounds better." Meryl grinned slightly and then turned to hear screaming from out the doorway.  
  
"AHHH! NO! DON'T KILL ME! IT'S NOT MY FAULT I DID IT! IT'S THE DISEASE I HAVE!" Vash shouted through the halls, screaming, throwing random assorted things at Mr. Balding, and running like crazy. Mr. Balding cocked his shotgun and aimed it at Vash, who turned and chucked an apple at Mr. Balding, who then slipped on the apple and wound up shooting himself in the stomach. The room became quiet as they watched the teacher stumble backwards into a locker, blood seeping through his shirt.  
  
"Oh my gosh, he killed himself," Nick's eyes widened and the two ran out into the hallway. Vash watched as the teacher reached out to Vash, but slumped down the side of the wall and died. Another moment of silence and then the rest of the students went back to their talking.  
  
"They didn't even give him a eulogy!" Nick cried as he bowed his head and motioned Meryl and Vash to do the same. "Mr. Balding was a...teacher. There." Nick raised his head. "Such a wonderful eulogy. Meryl and Vash blinked and looked at Nick, who seemed pleased with himself.  
  
"I can't believe it..." Vash shook his head. "I was ACTUALLY responsible for a death!" Nick patted Vash on the shoulder and smiled.  
  
"Don't worry about it, Vash. Mr. Balding...had problems. He...yelled at students. There. Besides, people die ALL the time."  
  
Vash blinked and looked at Nick, confused.  
  
"Nick, HE'S DEAD! How am I gonna explain this to Rem!?"  
  
"Um, you don't?"  
  
"What's the racket!?" Milly ran up to us and spotted Mr. Balding, dead on the floor. "Oh my goodness! Mr. Balding!" Nick grabbed her arm and stared into her eyes.  
  
"Milly, this...did not happen."

  


School ended, and Meryl was back in her bedroom, fiddling with her curtain string and reading 'A Walk To Remember'. Much to her misfortune, her phone rang.  
  
"What?" She picked up the phone, irritated.  
  
"Meryl, come over to my house!" It was Nick. "I'm teaching Vash and Milly how to play poker."  
  
"And how does that pertain to me?"  
  
"Uh, we're all playing."  
  
"Nick, it's nine o' clock at night. In case you forgot, IT'S A SCHOOL NIGHT!"  
  
Silence on the other end.  
  
"And...your point is?"  
  
Meryl growled.  
  
"Fine, we'll come over to YOUR house!" Nick said cheerfully.  
  
Suddenly, there was a knock on her bedroom door and Meryl went to open it. There stood Nick with Vash and Milly behind him. Nick still had his phone in one hand.  
  
"Wow, that was quick." Meryl said into the phone.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Uh, I have to go now, I have company."  
  
"Okay."  
  
Nick and Meryl both put their phones down and Nick looked at Meryl.  
  
"You were standing outside of my door the whole time?" Meryl asked, dumbfounded. "How did you get your phone over here? I thought you didn't have cordless phones."  
  
"Uh, why contemplate on such stupid things that even 'I' don't know the answer to? Let's play!"  
  
Nick, Vash, and Milly walked into Meryl's room.  
  
"I'm not so good with card games, Nick," Milly told him.  
  
"So? You'll learn."  
  
Nick dealt out the cards and grinned.  
  
"What's so funny, Wolfwood?" Vash hesitated to ask.  
  
"The name of the game is STRIP POKER!" Nick grinned and the three face-faulted. "First one to lose all their clothing has to forfeit the game."  
  
The game went on for about twenty minutes, and Vash was already down to his boxers.  
  
"I don't like this game anymore, Nick!" Vash whined. "I'm cold, can't I at LEAST put on a jacket?"  
  
"Shut up needle-noggin!" Nick snapped." That's the point of the game! Me? I'M WINNING!"  
  
"I'll bet he has loaded cards." Meryl sighed as she removed her socks. She, for one, was doing pretty good. She had only had to take off her shoes and socks. Milly had done the same thing. Vash? Vash just sucked at Strip Poker. Besides, they were going by who had the most points (a bad thing) at the end of each round and that person had to take off a piece of clothing. Three minutes later, Vash had to forfeit because he finally ran out of clothing, much to the girls' dismay.  
  
"Royal flush!" Nick sang as he pointed to Vash and Vash growled.  
  
"I hate losing," Vash narrowed his eyes. "Let's play a new game."  
  
"Let's not and say we did..." Nick grinned with a twinkle of evil humor hidden in his eye.  
  
Two hours later, Vash had to forfeit twenty-nine times and finally, they all just gave up.  
  
"That's a stupid game!" Vash pouted.  
  
"Only to you..." Nick smiled and counted his earnings. "Being a priest in training really pays off!"  
  
"Okay," Meryl sighed. "Everyone has to go home now. It's late."  
  
"Awww, Meryl!" Nick whined. "Can't we stay just a LITTLE longer? I'm winning!"  
  
"No." Meryl pointed to the door. "Out."  
  
Everyone left, sadly, and Meryl fell on top of her bed, falling asleep instantly.

  


The next day at school, Algebra had been cancelled due to no teacher, so Meryl headed to Drama, where, unfortunately, Milly, Vash, Nick, and Knives were waiting.  
  
"Okay class," Mr. Gaylord said in a feminine voice. Everyone had their assumptions about his preference, especially since the 'Mr. Roger's Neighborhood' theme song was playing in the background. "Today we're going to take part in an EXCITING play!"  
  
"Does it involve nukes and machine guns?" Knives called out, raising his hand.  
  
"Uh, no. Those are very dangerous, Knives, if we play with those, someone could shoot their eye out." Stupid martinet.  
  
"Darn." Knives leaned back into his seat.  
  
"But today!" Mr. Gaylord gave a cheesy smile. "We're going to get into groups of five and take part in a play about...sharing! Isn't that wonderful!?" Silence.  
  
Sadly, Meryl was stuck with the four she was sitting next to and they had gotten a part about passing the salt at the table. With only ten minutes to learn their parts, Meryl and the others proceeded to learn their lines---with the exception of Vash.  
  
"Okay, group one will be up first!" Mr. Gaylord clapped his hands together like a loser. That, unfortunately, was Meryl's group.  
  
They took their positions on the stage, sitting at the cardboard table, and prepared to recite their lines.  
  
"Gee," Meryl said in an unenthusiastic voice. "This cereal would taste so much better with...salt."  
  
"Salt!?" Vash shouted. "That's disgusting! That's filthy! That's..." Not what he was supposed to say.  
  
"ANYWAY!" Nick cut Vash off. "Meryl, would you like some...salt...for your cereal?"  
  
"Yes," Meryl glowered at Vash. "I would."  
  
"Vash," Milly smiled. "Could you please pass the salt to Meryl?"  
  
"Let her get it herself." Vash yawned and propped his elbows up on the table.  
  
Knives laughed as Meryl kicked Vash from under the table.  
  
"Oh Vash," Meryl said through angry gritted teeth. "You are such a tease. Now HAND me the da---...I mean...PLEASE pass the salt!"  
  
Instead, Vash stood up and jumped onto the table. "Hey, anyone want to hear me sing?"  
  
"Oh, donuts..." Nick put his head in his hands and looked down.  
  
"Donuts!? Where!?" Vash's mouth began to water.  
  
"Hey Meryl," Knives laughed. "I'll bet that cereal will taste better if you cook it."  
  
"Cooked cereal?" Meryl's eye began to twitch involuntarily.  
  
"Oh no! This is all wrong!" Mr. Gaylord jumped onto the stage, but tripped and landed in a bunch of hazardous chemical equipment. Unfortunately, he wound up electrocuting himself, frying his brain instantly.  
  
"Eulogy time!" Nick shouted as he jumped out of his chair and ran over to Mr. Gaylord's charred body. Nick bowed his head. "Mr. Gaylord...was also a teacher. However, we all thought that he was a homosexual because of his feminine qualities. There."  
  
Nick smiled and Meryl began to wail into the air. Why was everything so bad?

Meanwhile, after the paramedics had been alerted, Meryl, Vash, and Nick headed to PE because someone blew up a chicken potpie in cooking and so the class had been cancelled until further notice.  
  
"Gee, sorry about that Meryl." Vash apologized for the hundredth time.  
  
"Shut up. I want...to be alone." Meryl sighed.  
  
"OKAY KIDS! LISTEN UP!" Mr. Smallcheeks told the students. However, he didn't have 'small cheeks'. He looked more like a wrestler. "TODAY! WE ARE GOING TO RUN FOR 30 MINUTES...STRAIGHT! AND THEN WE ARE GOING TO...RUN AGAIN FOR THE REST OF THE PERIOD! ANY QUESTIONS!?"  
  
"Awww man!" Nick sighed. "Running?"  
  
"How can anyone run for one whole period?" Meryl asked. Then she turned to look at Vash. "Vash, do me the honor of NOT killing our teacher AGAIN. Okay?"  
  
Vash saluted her. "Aye, aye, Capps!"  
  
So they ran...ALL period. Except Vash, who made up a lame story that he had a phobia of running and so was excused PERMANENTLY from running. Nick and Meryl jogged by each other the entire time.  
  
"This sucks!" Meryl said.  
  
"I know! Hasn't that guy ever heard of mercy on a preacher?"  
  
"But, you aren't a preacher, Nick."  
  
"Not YET!" Nick grinned. "Soon, I will have the churchmen falling at my feet, begging me back!"  
  
"You really think that that's gonna happen?"  
  
"...No."  
  
"...Oh..."  
  
Silence and then Nick turned to look at Meryl.  
  
"How much longer do we have to jog?"  
  
"Nick, we just started two and a half minutes ago. We still have an hour and forty-three minutes left."  
  
"Oh darn. Hey, what do you wanna do tonight?"  
  
"Doesn't matter.........As long as it's not strip poker again."  
  
"Oh, okay. You wanna go see a movie?"  
  
"But we got kicked out the last time we tried to see one."  
  
"Yeah, I know, but let's go anyway."  
  
Meryl sighed.

After school that night, the four went to see a movie. Knives decided NOT to tag along because he and his friends had a secret ritual that needing tending to. The gang went to see a movie titled 'Men And World Domination', by Nick and Vash's choice. They stepped inside of the theater, food in hand, and sat down in the middle row.  
  
"Isn't this great?" Vash grinned as he popped some popcorn into his mouth. Meryl reached over to take some popcorn from Vash.  
  
"Vash, give me some popcorn." She growled when he pulled it away from her and then motioned his head up to the row behind them.  
  
"Let's play a game first Meryl." Vash had a HUGE smirk on his face as he kept the popcorn out of her reach.  
  
"Forget it!" She snapped. "I'll buy some myself!" The four had decided on sharing popcorn between two people. Too bad Milly and Nick had gotten the first bag while Vash and Meryl had to share the second.  
  
Meryl began to get up when Vash 'accidentally' fumbled with the popcorn and it all landed on the people sitting in front of them. They screamed and ran out of the theater.  
  
"Whoops..." He blinked.  
  
"Shhhhhh!" Came the voices of irritated people behind them.  
  
"This is not happening..." Meryl told herself. "I'm at home, in my nice warm bed, sleeping. WITHOUT being next to Vash."  
  
"Here, since those people so rudely took off with our popcorn hanging in their hair, do you want my soda instead?" Vash asked, handing it to her. However, he knocked his arm against the side of the chair and spilt it down the front of her shirt. "Um, good thing it's not a white shirt."  
  
"Grrrr!" Meryl bit her lip to keep her from yelling at the idiot next to her.  
  
Suddenly, the movie came to a part where a man died.  
  
"NOO!!!" Vash wailed. "YOU SHOULD NEVER TAKE THE LIFE OF ANOTHER! IT'S NOT FAIR!"  
  
"WHAT!? NO EULOGY!?" Nick shouted as he jumped out of his chair and stood on it. "That man was a bank robber, but he was...still...a man."  
  
"SHUT UP!" Shouted someone who chucked a granola bar at Nick, making him tumble to the floor. Nick looked up at the screen and smiled at the next scene.  
  
"Hey, strip poker!"  
  
Meryl sighed and Milly crouched lower in her seat. Nick dragged Vash out of his chair and pointed to the screen.  
  
"Nick, I wanna sit down..." Vash whined.  
  
"Shut up, Needle-Noggin! See that guy...?" Nick's face darkened. "HEY BUDDY!" He shouted to the screen. "YOU'RE SHOWING EVERYONE YOUR CARDS! AND YOU!" He pointed to another guy on the screen. "YOU'RE NOT PLAYING FAIR! THAT GUY GOT A FULL HOUSE! YOU HAVE TO AT LEAST TAKE YOUR HAT OFF!"  
  
"Excuse me, gentlemen," A theater worker poked Nick in the back and then looked at him and Vash. "Theater screens are inanimate objects and can not answer your stupid accusations. I'm afraid that you four have to vacate the premises."  
  
"What?" Vash asked stupidly.  
  
"LEAVE!" The worker yelled.  
  
"SHHHH!" Came more voices and more food was thrown at the four and the worker.  


"That was the best movie I ever saw..." Nick said as the four emerged from inside the theater. "When it comes out on video, I'm buying ten copies. Boy, we were only in there for ten minutes, but it's enough to know how great that movie was. I think that it should be up for a nomination for a golden globe award." Nick grinned, but then frowned. "But those idiots still don't know the REAL meaning of strip poker. I say we sneak into another movie."  
  
"We're going to get caught," Meryl rolled her eyes.  
  
"No, watch, I can do it..." Nick snickered and crept back into the theater, only to be greeted by the manager's foot in his face. Nick sulked back outside with a large red footprint on his face. "Okay, let's go home."  
  
"I don't know why you liked that movie, Nick," Vash sniffed. "More than 40 people died within the first couple of minutes of the movie. Rem always says that killing is bad. I hope the critics nominate that movie as the 'Don't-go-see-unless-you-have-a-death-wish' movie."  
  
"Hey, look on the bright side, Needle-Noggin!" Nick grinned. "You got to learn the true meaning of strip poker...FROM ME!" Nick laughed and then a car whizzed by and sprayed him with mud. Dripping with wet dirt, Nick growled and turned to look at his friends. "Where's my Cross Punisher?"

Yes, I realize that everyone is writing the Trigun cast in school nowadays. But mine is not only a drama, it is a comedy of drama. Think of the show SOAP for example (Which I don't own). I'm about to post a dark intriguing story involving Trigun, so make sure to check that out too. Oh, and as always, please R&R. I only ask that if you really hate the story, critique the story in a POLITE manner. Flames are pointless and I believe that most of us are old enough to express their feelings in a rational way besides using abusive language and threats. Besides, I'll just make fun of flames anyway. You've been warned.  
  


Blood Lotus Demonwalker 


	2. Preparations For World Domination

Disclaimer: I still don't own Trigun or Liberi Fatali. Oh and yes I asked Parallel_Blue13115 for permission to use Chapel's alternative name 'Sven' from her story Trigun: Commencing World Domination. Read it, it's great. ESPECIALLY CHAPTER THREE!!!! Don't miss out.  
Hunting For The Elusive Mayfly Known As Love...Not...  
Chapter 2  
Preparations For World Domination  
Meryl was rudely awakened to the ring of her telephone. She gritted her teeth and yanked it off the hook. And today was a Saturday too.  
  
"What!?" She spat into the phone. "How DARE you call me at..." She glanced at the clock. "Three-thirty in the morning! How would you like to die!?"  
  
Silence.  
  
"Well hello to you too, Meryl." Nick. Why did that NOT surprise her?  
  
"NICK!?" Meryl screamed. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING CALLING ME!?"  
  
"Oh, I was gonna ask if you wanted to play Paintball with us."  
  
"THREE-THIRTY IN THE MORNING!?"  
  
"No, later on today."  
  
"WHY COULDN'T YOU HAVE WAITED TO CALL ME AND TELL ME THIS!?"  
  
"Uh, you know that selective hearing thing the doctors say I have? Well I only hear certain things and uh...yeah."  
  
"Good for you. That had ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with WHY you couldn't of waited to call me later on...WHEN I WAS AWAKE AT A REASONABLE HOUR!"  
  
"Yeah I know." Sometimes, Meryl just wished she could reach through the phone. Just...Sometimes.  
  
Meryl growled and slammed the phone down.  
  
"Is that a 'yes'?" Nick asked the other end.  
Vash pulled up in front of Meryl's house at noon.  
  
"Hi Meryl!" Vash waved and she looked back at him, irritated. "Hey you don't look so well. You didn't get much sleep, I'm guessing?"  
  
"Nick called me three-thirty this morning. So, no Vash, I did NOT get much sleep.  
  
"Oh," Vash fiddled with his keys and pointed to his car. How UNCANNY that he was able to pass the driver's exam, whereas Meryl wasn't able to. It made Meryl despise Vash even more. "I told him to do that."  
  
Meryl's swollen eye twitched involuntarily.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Yeah, I woke up from a dream about Paintball, called Nick, and told him to call you."  
  
"A...dream...?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
WHAP!!!  
  
Meryl kneed Vash in the stomach and stormed off as his body crumpled to the ground.  
  
"I'll WALK to the fairgrounds!" She yelled over her shoulder. After all, that was where they were to meet for Paintball.  
Eight people showed up in all. Vash, Meryl, Nick, Milly, Knives, Legato, Midvalley, and Chapel-whom liked to be called Sven for some odd reason...  
The teams were divided up into fours. Meryl, Vash, Milly, and Nick were on one team while the other four made up the second team.  
  
"Sven!" Knives shouted at Chapel. "Put down the apple! You can't play Paintball with an apple in your hand!"  
  
Chapel looked down at the green apple in his hand.  
  
"But it's a requirement of the church that I carry around this here forsaken green apple."  
  
"But," Knives protested. "That's just so pointless."  
  
"I'll say..." Nick grumbled. Him and Chapel had been rivaling priests-in- training for many, many years now.  
  
"Oh...all right..." Chapel pouted and tossed the apple over his shoulder.  
  
The eight all changed into camouflage uniforms and marked their itinerary route. Knives had taken the uphill base while his twin brother had taken the lower base.  
  
"Okay," Knives explained. "We're going to kill them," He pointed to his auto-cocker. "We're going to dominate them and RULE THE WORLD!"  
  
"Uh, Master?" Legato had been forced to call Knives that ever since Legato had lost to a game of Strip Go-Fish, since Knives didn't know how to play poker. "This is just a game. We're not really out to kill people..."  
  
"Shut up!" Knives shot Legato in the face with his marker, sending him flying backwards with a trail of red paint sailing after. "This war is everything! WE MUST ANNIHILATE THE HUMANS!"  
  
"So what's the plan?" Midvalley asked.  
  
"Plan," Knives cocked an eyebrow. "What plan?"  
  
"The plan," Chapel rolled his eyes. "Ya know, how we're gonna defeat Vash and his team of sissies?"  
  
"Shut up Sven!" Knives backhanded his teammate and then pounded his fist into his hand. "I don't CARE how we take them down! Just...make up your own friggin' formation for crying out loud! Geez, do I ALWAYS have to do everything FOR YOU!?"  
  
"Um...okay..." Legato, Midvalley, and Chapel all said in unison.  
  
"GOOD! NOW MOVE OUT!"  
Meanwhile, across the battlefield, Vash and his companions were all working on 'strategic' plans.  
  
"Okay," Nick grinned. "Milly will be in that thicket over there, and I'll climb the tree over here and..." He pointed to Vash. "YOU hide in the log over here and Meryl..."  
  
"Will hide with me!" Vash pounded a fist on his chest. "I shall protect her from ANY harm and..."  
  
"It's okay, Vash," Meryl put a hand on his shoulder and stared blankly at him. "I THINK I can take care of myself. Honestly."  
  
Vash looked heartbroken.  
  
"Oh...Okay..."  
  
"Meryl, you're gonna hide behind that tree over there," Nick pointed to a bare pine tree. Its base was only a few inches around, making it impossible to hide one's self behind.  
  
"What?" Meryl's mouth dropped. "I'll get annihilated within two seconds of the game!"  
  
"Hey, haven't you ever heard of a decoy?" Nick patted her shoulder.  
  
"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?! YOU'VE STATIONED MILLY, VASH, AND YOURSELF ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE FIELD! UNLESS YOU HAVE SUPER MARKERS THAT CAN GO FIVE THOUSAND FEET IN RANGE, THEN I THINK THAT YOU'RE A DUMB A-"  
  
"Alright!" Nick gave up. "I'LL hide behind the friggin' tree!"  
  
"WHY behind THAT tree? Why not behind some other tree with more BARK that will cover your butt!?" Meryl argued.  
  
"Shut up! Don't ask questions!" Nick huffed and hid himself behind the tree as much as he could. "It's a perfect hiding spot. In fact, I'll bet you that I WIN this match for us. Now, go to your respective areas okay?"  
  
When they had done so, Nick shouted 'start'.  
  
"Start!" Nick aimed his gun.  
  
Knives shot his auto-cocker and hit Nick square in the face of his goggles two seconds into the game. "Hey that's not fair! You cheated!"  
  
Knives smirked. "Give it up. You're out Wolfwood."  
  
"Told you that tree was a horrible hiding spot." Meryl smacked her masked face with her hands. Nick stomped off the field, furious.  
  
Midvalley edged around the far end of the field, keeping his eyes on Meryl, and felt a bang in the back of his leg. He turned around to see Milly jumping for joy. He grumbled and walked off the field. Sven said a silent prayer before heading out into the middle of the field and ducked behind a tree.  
  
"Ready or not, here I come," He heard Legato say behind him. Vash kept himself hidden in the log he had been stationed at and watched as Meryl and Milly advanced forward into the field. He diverted his attention to the sock acting as his team's flag on the rock. He sighed deeply.  
  
Sven jumped out from behind the rock and shot at Milly, who dove in behind the tree. She paused, waiting for the gunfire to cease. She watched as paint came flying off of the tree bark and she gulped. A small movement caught her attention and she recognized it as Legato and Knives enclosing in on her.  
  
Meryl shot from some feet away and barely missed Legato's ear.  
  
"Legato! Move faster!" Knives commanded as they took separate hiding spots. Milly began to sweat and aimed her gun at where she had seen Knives and Legato take cover.  
  
Meanwhile, Meryl was keeping her eyes peeled on Sven, who had begun to tiptoe towards the tree Milly was hiding behind. She swung around the tree and shot Sven right between the legs.  
  
"OHMYGO---!!!" Sven screamed as he clutched his prized possession.  
  
"Whoops," Meryl muttered as she watched Sven curl up on the ground in a fetal position wailing, screaming bloody murder. Milly turned out of defense and shot him ten more times until Sven finally stopped moving.  
  
"Oh wait," She said, "He was already tagged out wasn't he?" Meryl let out an exasperated sigh. "Oops, oh well let's keep playing."  
  
But Milly wasn't paying attention and it had allowed time for Legato to shoot Milly in the back. She cried out in pain and held her hands up high, surrendering and walked off the field. Meryl gulped. Where the heck was Vash!?  
  
Legato moved around the side of the tree, watching out for Meryl as he maneuvered his way around the trees. Vash had been watching this and aimed his marker at Legato as Legato came into view. Vash pulled the trigger back, waited, waited, waited some more, and then...BANG! Legato had been shot in the butt. He landed face-first and Meryl sighed happily. But Knives was EXCEPTIONALLY good at this game and when he hunted, he hunted.  
  
Meryl looked around for Knives, but it was impossible to find him. She heard soft crunching and prayed that it was Vash. But when she turned, she found Knives right behind her, his marker aimed at her chest.  
Slow Motion  
Meryl let out a scream as Knives pulled the trigger back. From out of nowhere, a large body collided with Meryl's, pushing her out of harm's way. She looked up and saw that Vash was already back on his feet.  
End Slow Motion  
"Hey that's not fair! Saving your girlfriend brother?"  
  
"What?" Meryl growled. Girlfriend?  
  
"It's you and me now, brother," Vash gave the 'come-on' sign and held up his marker. "Meryl get back. It COULD get ugly."  
  
"Hey what's that supposed to mean!?" Meryl retorted. But she was ignored.  
  
"So did the humans treat you well, Vash?" Knives asked.  
  
"Yeah, as a matter of fact. Best thing that ever happened to me." Vash grinned.  
  
Okay, Meryl thought, now that was weird. She walked off the field. Vash aimed his marker.  
Fithos  
Lusec  
  
Wecos  
  
Vinosec  
  
Vash jumped behind a tree and began to shoot his gun at Knives, who also jumped behind a tree and shot at Vash.  
  
2003, Yasuhiro Nightow Presents...  
  
Vash  
  
Knives  
  
Rem  
  
Humans  
  
Eden  
  
Gunsmoke  
  
Plants  
  
Saxophones  
  
Knives jumped out from behind the tree while keeping his finger on the trigger, however, Vash was too fast and singed him in the side.  
  
"Hey, you're out Knives!" Nick called out from the base. But the fighting commenced. "Gee, that's odd. I thought that if you get shot, you're out."  
  
"Maybe Mr. Vash and Mr. Knives are playing to the death." Milly suggested. Nick jerked his head around to look at her, his face in a panic.  
  
"Milly! Paintball is a SPORT! You're not supposed to get KILLED in it! This is a game, not World War Everybody-Gets-Killed."  
  
"Don't you mean World War II?"  
  
"Um, sure, whatever, if that's what it's called anyway."  
  
Milly sighed.  
Fithos, Lusec, Wecos, Vinosec  
Knives jumped back behind the tree, breathing heavily as he watched Vash jump behind a rock.  
Fithos, Lusec, Wecos, Vinosec  
Knives grinned and launched a paintball grenade behind the rock where Vash was hiding and laughed as it exploded. His laughter soon faded as he watched Vash emerge, unpainted.  
Excitate vow e somno, liberi mei. Cunae non sunt  
Vash shot at the grinning Knives, who shot right back as they each ran out into the open field, exposing their open bodies to one another.  
Excitate vow e somno, liberi fatali. Somnus non eat  
Both guns were shot out of their hands, and they looked at each other, waiting for the first to make a move. Finally, they raced towards the guns, diving as their fingers wrapped around the triggers and jumped up, both ready to fire at one another.  
Surgite  
  
Invenite hortum veritatis  
"You suck, Vash." Knives smirked.  
  
"No, I blow," Vash grinned.  
  
Vash was ready to shoot his brother, however, Knives pulled a dirty trick and kicked Vash to the ground with his steel-toed boot. Vash's marker went flying from his hand and Knives caught it with ease.  
Ardente veritate Urite mala mundi  
Vash looked up from the ground and panicked as Knives aimed both guns at Vash, ready to obliterate him.  
Ardente veritate Incendite tenebras mundi  
"What are you doing Needle-Noggin!? It's right there, use it dangit!" Came Nick's voice. Vash brought his hand down hard against the dirt and, for some unexplained reason, Nick's paint marker rose up and Vash caught it. For a split second, Knives became scared.  
Valete, liberi,Diebus, fatalibus  
Vash pulled the trigger twice, shooting both guns out of Knives' hands and Knives was sent flying backwards. Thank God for inertia. Vash jumped up and grabbed his paint marker and aimed it at Knives.  
Fithos, Lusec, Wecos, Vinosec  
Fithos, Lusec, Wecos, Vinosec  
Fithos, Lusec, Wecos, Vinosec  
Vash laughed maniacally as he began to pull the trigger. Knives shook his head and Vash nodded. It was over.  
Fithos, Lusec, Wecos, Vinosec  
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh...!  
One, two, three, four, five, six paintballs were poured into Knives and he went sailing backwards.  
  
"Rem, I will continue to believe in you. But this time, I will listen to my heart." Vash dropped his marker and walked off the field.  
  
"HEY! Where are you going!?" Knives shouted as he wiped the paint from his clothes. "I may be out but I'm not dead! Come here and help me up Vash!"  
  
"Oh yeah, huh?" Vash laughed as everyone groaned.  
The next day, Nick and Meryl went to church with their parents. As Father Tim was reciting today's sermon, Nick yawned loudly, which drew attention towards him and Meryl, and walked up to the pastor.  
  
"S'cuse me Father Timmy," The pastor gasped from the disrespect. "Lemme take over okay?"  
  
"Nicholas!" Tim gasped at the disrespect of being called 'Timmy'. "I would've expected BETTER from you!" He sobbed into his hands and crumpled to the ground.  
  
"Okay folks, here's REALLY what I have to say today," Nick cracked his knuckles loudly, irritating the eardrums of some of the elderly, and pounded his fist on the pedestal. "GOD died on the cross for our sins, right? Well I think we should all be grateful. So, by using some of His great gospel, I, Nicholas D. Wolfwood shall EDUCATE you OLD folk the TRUE meaning of the afterlife! First off, you all are weak humans and you are all being controlled! Open up your weak and nasty eyes and fall on your knees! Salvation will be open to you if only you are sinless and you aren't so NYAH cause I'm going to Heaven cause I'm a priest and you're not and..."  
  
"Nicholas!" Nick's mother, Maryann, cried as she stood up and began to sob into a Kleenex. Nick's father, Joseph, stood up and comforted his wife as he pointed an accusing finger at Nick.  
  
"Nicholas David Wolfwood! You, sir, ARE GROUNDED!"  
  
"Darn..." Nick sighed and reached for a cigarette.  
  
"Don't smoke in here!" Tim tackled Nick to the ground and fought for the cigarette. "Besides! I need it more than YOU do!"  
  
"Father Tim!" Joseph Wolfwood gasped. "You're supposed to be a role model!" Joseph ran over to stop both of the men. Meryl tried to make herself seem smaller as she hid her face in her hands.  
  
"I don't know them, I don't know them, I don't know them..." She repeated over and over.  
Later on that night, Meryl called Nick.  
  
"So, are you still grounded?" She asked.  
  
"Yup. On restriction for three weeks. No TV, no phone calls, no friends over, no sleeping, no food...In fact, they just stuck me in the hole."  
  
"Wait, don't guards do that to prisoners after one of their family members die?"  
  
"Yeah, but they just stuck me in here to see what would happen."  
  
"So...how are you able to talk on the phone?"  
  
"Oh that's easy. I have a cell phone."  
  
"Really? And you can get reception in that outhouse of yours?"  
  
"No, but I did anyway."  
  
"Gee that made a lot of sense."  
  
"I know."  
  
"How are your siblings taking it?"  
  
"Who? Heather and Bobby? Oh they're overjoyed. They're both in my room right now destroying all of my stuff."  
  
"They're allowed to?"  
  
"Hey, Heather's only seven and Bobby's nine. Of course my mom and dad don't care. Nothing valuable's in there anyway."  
  
"But what about your 'How To Become A Priest' book?"  
  
Nick paused.  
  
"OH FUDGE! I FORGOT ABOUT THAT!" Meryl suddenly heard pounding on a door, followed by lots and lots of swearing. "MOM! DAD! MY BOOK!"  
  
"Nick, that outhouse of yours is five blocks from your house. I DON'T think that they can hear you."  
  
The 'hole' that Nick was in was five blocks away from his house, in the middle of a field.  
  
"IT'S NOT FAIR!" He wailed. "IT'S JUST NOT FAIR!"  
  
"Nick, will it make you feel better if I get the book FOR you?"  
  
A sniffle and then, "Really? You'd do that for me?"  
  
Meryl sighed and rolled her eyes. "Nick, you're my best friend. Of COURSE I'll go over to your house and get your book."  
  
Another sniffle. "As in, like, right now?"  
  
Meryl glanced at the clock. "Nick it's 10:30 at night!"  
  
"Well, I would ask you to get it tomorrow and give it to me at school, but I'm not going to be at school for the next three weeks."  
  
Meryl narrowed her eyes. "You're grounded...from SCHOOL?"  
  
"Yup."  
  
"Isn't that illegal?"  
  
"Well, my parents said that they would just tell the school that the doctors just put me under quarantine. If anyone comes around me, they'll die."  
  
"...Nick, that's the worst attempt to get out of school that I've ever heard."  
  
"Yeah I know, and I have tests and projects due all this week. Guess that they'll be a couple weeks late."  
  
Then Meryl had an idea.  
  
"Okay Nick, I'll tell you what. I'll go by and get the book for you right now, bring it to your prison, and break you out."  
  
"Um, Meryl, didn't you hear anything I just told you? I'M NOT ALLOWED TO GO HOME! I'M GROUNDED!"  
  
"Well, you can stay at my house until your three weeks are up and then we lock you back up on the day you're supposed to be off the hook and they'll never know you went to school or anything."  
  
"Really? Your parents will let me stay there?"  
  
"Well...they doesn't have to know..."  
  
"You're going to hide me in your room for three weeks?"  
  
"Well...I guess."  
  
"Okay."  
  
"Do your parents ever check up on you? You know, to give you water or food or anything?"  
  
"No. I'm grounded from that too, remember?"  
  
"Great, so they'll never suspect you to be at my house!"  
  
"All right! We got ourselves a plan!"  
  
"I'll see you in an hour."  
  
"Huh? Why an hour?"  
  
"Uh, because I have to WALK to your house, pick up the book, and then WALK to your desert prison."  
  
"Oh. Okay. See you in an hour."  
Love it? Hate it? Please let me know! R&R people! I know reviews make us feel wonderful.  
  
Blood_Lotus_Demonwalker 


	3. Jailbreak

Disclaimer: I don't own Trigun or anything associated with it. I also don't own 'Ice Age's' famous phrase, "Doom on you'. Period. Okay, without further ado, on with chapter three!  
  
Hunting For The Elusive Mayfly Known As Love...Not  
  
Chapter 3  
Jailbreak  
Meryl slowly slipped from her house and padded softly down the street. Shivering against the night's cold, she tugged harder on the collar of her jacket, bringing it up higher around her chin. Why...just...why was she the one who always had to help other people out? Nick's house was two blocks from her own and it usually took her ten minutes to complete the distance.  
  
When Nick's driveway finally came into view, Meryl stopped as something was thrown from the window and went crashing into the street. Yup, there went Nick's electric guitar. Oh, here comes Nick's laptop.  
  
CRUNCH!  
  
Gee, hope that he didn't need that. Papers and randomly assorted objects had been tossed into the street, most of them being love poems that Nick had wrote about Milly. Nick was right. Heather and Bobby loved to destroy Nick's belongings.  
  
Meryl looked up and watched as Bobby and Heather laughed and played and jumped up and down on Nick's bed. They would throw things out of the window from time to time and Meryl had to watch her head to make sure that a U.F.O. didn't make it onto her head.  
  
"Heather! Bobby!" Meryl shouted to the open window. Bobby peeked his head out and waved to Meryl.  
  
"HI MERYL!" He chirped.  
  
"Um, hi. Listen, before you throw anymore of Nick's belongings into the street, can I have his priest book please?"  
  
"Why?" Heather stuck her head out the window. "Are you gonna give it to him?"  
  
"You can't give it to him, he's in the HOLE." Bobby snickered.  
  
"Oh, no, of course not," Meryl lied with a straight face. "Actually, I wanted to read it."  
  
"Meryl? Become a priest?" Bobby laughed. "Would you become a better priest than Nick?"  
  
"Oh, absolutely. So, now, can you two be good little children and hand me that book?"  
  
"Throw it down?"  
  
"Actually, I would prefer it if I could come in."  
  
"Mommy and daddy are sleeping. They don't want any disturbances." Bobby said as Meryl looked about the driveway. And THIS wasn't a disturbance?  
  
"Listen, Bobby, then can you just TOSS down the book? Please?"  
  
"I don't know...what's it worth? And why do you need it now?"  
  
Ugh, why was this kid being so difficult?  
  
"What's with the third degree kid!? Just TOSS me down the book and I'll...I'll...buy you an ice cream tomorrow."  
  
"Oh and a yacht!?" Heather piped up.  
  
"And a motorcycle!"  
  
"And a new house!"  
  
"And..."  
  
Meryl looked at the two of them and sighed.  
  
"LOOK! If you two DON'T toss down the book, I'll climb up there and take it from you!"  
  
The two kids gasped and quickly shut the window, closing the curtains in the process. Then the sky thundered and it began to rain. Meryl threw her head back and screamed.  
  
"WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHY!?"  
Meryl trudged down the street, rain pounding on her head. Book in hand, she felt her teeth grind as she made way to Nick's prison. After the children had shut the window, Meryl quickly found a rock, tossed it through the window, shattering it, climbed up to Nick's room, and took the book from the bookshelf. Simple as that. WHY couldn't life be any simpler?  
  
But Meryl's serenity didn't last for long as five large figures blocked the way. Looking up, Meryl sighed as she spotted the school's popular posse, or 'Mafia' as they preferred, 'The Fantastic Five." Legato stood in the middle with Sven, Midvalley, Rai-Dei (His real name was Mark), and the new kid from their school, George, who was just some random guy thrown into this story.  
  
"So, you didn't include Knives into your party, Legato?" Meryl asked.  
  
"Nope. This is our OWN secret club, where Knives can't boss us around." Legato sneered.  
  
"Yeah! Yeah!" The rest of the posse rallied.  
  
"Just what are you five doing in the rain at..." Meryl glanced at her watch. "11:00 at night?"  
  
"Um...we don't know." George shrugged.  
  
"Yes we do!" Legato elbowed George in the ribs. "It's time for our annual march up and down the streets!"  
  
"11:00 in the rain?"  
  
"...Shut up."  
  
"What are you up to, Legato?" Meryl asked, miserably.  
  
"Well..." Legato's back stiffened. "Meryl, no offense or anything, but you've arrived on a special night."  
  
"Lucky me."  
  
"We have to beat you up."  
  
"WHAT!?"  
  
"It's true. Every..." Legato began to count on his fingers. "Twelve days we have to beat someone up. It's a Mafia rule. Last time it was Zazie."  
  
"Yeah, it was so cool! I think he's still on life support!" George laughed.  
  
"Um, yeah, sounds glorious, can I go now?" Meryl sidestepped away from the gang.  
  
"No..." Legato grinned and edged closer. The circle seemed to close in on Meryl and she was beginning to panic.  
  
"Legato, we've known each other for ages!"  
  
"I told you, Meryl, it's nothing personal."  
  
"Gee, I'll bet you'll say that same exact thing at my funeral."  
  
"Hey, who said anything about killing?" Midvalley laughed and Legato socked him in the ribs. "Oooff!"  
  
"Like I said, and please let it be the last time, it's nothing personal. But it's our oath that we took as the Fantastic Five. It is a sacrifice to the Great One..."  
  
"The Great One?" Meryl rose an eyebrow, inquiring.  
  
Suddenly, Legato held up a magic eight ball. He shook it up and down, and asked it a question.  
  
"Oh Great One, should we sacrifice Meryl to your great holiness?"  
  
Legato held the magic eight ball out in front of him and watched as the ball in the middle slowly stopped on a "Yes".  
  
"See!" Sven shouted holding up a green apple. "The Great One never lies!"  
  
"Sorry Meryl," Legato cracked his knuckles and began to close in on the remaining space between Meryl and himself. Meryl then began to notice that his posse had begun to do the same.  
  
"You can't be serious..." Meryl stepped backwards, closing her eyes tightly, and braced herself for the oncoming fists that were aimed in her direction. All of a sudden, the sound of beating fists against bare flesh arose to her ears. However, these were not the fists intended for her.  
  
"Hey! Where did you-OW!" Midvalley wailed.  
  
Another fist connected. "My face!" That was George.  
  
Meryl finally gained the courage to open one eye and then the other. As she did so, she caught a slight glimpse of both Sven and Legato drop to the ground, unconscious. Standing in the middle of the circle was a tall silhouette, dressed in a black cloak, hiding his face from the world.  
  
"You.....Were you the one who beat up Legato and his thugs?"  
  
The figure did not answer. Instead, he advanced towards Meryl and put a comforting hand on her shoulder. He spoke with a deep and raspy voice.  
  
"Go, leave now and save your friend."  
  
"But I don't know who you ar-"  
  
"Go!" The voice commanded. Meryl had no choice but to assent to his demands. "We will meet again."  
  
"But...thank you..." Meryl said as she sidestepped away. "Thank you for saving me back there."  
  
"Tomorrow," The mysterious man said bluntly.  
  
"Tomorrow?"  
  
"Yes, tomorrow. I shall see you tomorrow. At school."  
  
"But...how will I even recognize..."  
  
"No time for that, hurry now, before they wake up."  
  
Meryl nodded and dashed down the street to Nick's holdup. Just wait until Nick heard about this.  
"Can't you go any faster?" Nick whined as Meryl picked the lock off of the door to Nick's little outhouse looking thing.  
  
"Just a minute!" Meryl sighed, frustrated. "This is a hard lock to pick."  
  
"Well hurry up, it's raining and the wind is blowing it all into here." Nick stared out the bars and watched as Meryl kept her eyes peeled on the lock.  
  
"I'm going as fast as I can, Nick!"  
  
Silence. "Hey, what exactly did you see Heather and Bobby toss out of my room?"  
  
"Everything but the bookshelf."  
  
"Oh great! I forgot about my laptop!"  
  
"I thought you said that nothing important was in your room."  
  
"There wasn't, until I remembered that everything in my room is valuable!"  
  
Meryl paused and looked at Nick, confused. "Why?" She asked the world. "Why is my life so horrible?"  
  
Meryl grunted and continued to pick the lock.  
  
"So, earlier you were talking about some cloaked Zorro saving you."  
  
"Yeah from Legato."  
  
"Oh no, you mean from the annual sacrifice?"  
  
"That's the one."  
  
"Don't worry about it, they beat me up back in the third grade with that same thing."  
  
"Really? What happened to you?"  
  
"I was on life support for three months."  
  
"Gee, I think that they said the same thing about Zazie."  
  
"Did they have that stupid magic eight ball with them?"  
  
"You mean the Great One?"  
  
"That's it."  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Oh man," Nick sighed. "Do you know how long Legato has had that lame thing?"  
  
"How long, Nick?"  
  
"Since kindergarten!"  
  
"Oh my, and you mean to tell me that that thing still works?"  
  
"Well, Legato found it in a toilet bowl once in his household and from then on, he always thought that he was lucky. You know about those mysterious powers he has." Nick pointed out.  
  
"You mean where he can crunch peoples' bones together and make them eat their hearts out?"  
  
"..."  
  
"Yeah I know about those powers." Meryl continued to pick at the lock.  
  
"I'm dropping out of school now."  
  
"Oh come on, Legato wouldn't hurt you." Meryl reassured.  
  
"Really? You'll have to tell that to my third grade self. I'm still traumatized over that."  
  
"Nick, you're seventeen. GROW up." The lock suddenly snapped in two. "There."  
  
Nick pranced out the door, grabbing the book from Meryl's hands and hugging it dearly.  
  
"My book! I thought that I had lost you forever!"  
  
"Nick, it's just a book. And look, now it's ruined cause you're holding it in the rain."  
  
Nick looked down in horror, and saw that Meryl was right. His paperback cover had been completely melted away and the writing had smudged on every page.  
  
"WHAT KIND OF RAIN IS THIS!? IT'S LIKE ACID RAIN! LOOK! IT'S CHEWING HOLES THROUGH MY BOOK!" Nick screamed and threw the book down and stomped on it, saying every curse word that he knew.  
  
"Okay Nick, back to my house."  
"Why do I have to sleep in the closet!?" Nick whined. "Look! You still have papers in here from the second grade! And there's probably mice and snakes and man-eating tarantulas..."  
  
"NICK!"  
  
"Yes'm!?"  
  
"It was already hard enough climbing onto the roof and sliding down the chimney to the living room because I locked myself out of the house, but you do NOT need to add onto the stress, OKAY!?"  
  
"Can I sleep somewhere else?"  
  
"How about in the garage?"  
  
"No, closet's good."  
  
"Good. Now, go to bed."  
  
Nick climbed into the closet and sprawled himself out on top of Meryl's shoes.  
  
"Meryl, your shoes are uncomfortable." He called from inside the closet.  
  
Meryl growled from her bed. "Nick, your prison is ALWAYS open!"  
  
"You're right, the shoes are fine. They're very comfortable."  
  
"Nick..." Meryl warned.  
  
"Well we can't sleep before we send a prayer to His Holiness."  
  
Meryl sighed. "Nick...GO TO SLEEP!"  
  
Then Meryl heard him whisper barely above audibility. "She doesn't mean it, Lord, it's just that time of month for her."  
The next morning, Meryl was awakened with a bucket of ice water to her face. Sputtering out the ice water, Meryl jumped up in bed, drenched and cold.  
  
"NICK!" She screamed. "JUST WHAT DO YOU THINK THAT YOU ARE DOING!?"  
  
"Careful Meryl, you wouldn't want your parents to come in here, find a boy, and start thinking naughty thoughts, would you?"  
  
Water dripped from the ends of Meryl's hair as she glanced at the time. "3:00!? WHY AM I UP AT 3:00!?"  
  
"Oh," Nick smiled. "I always get up at 3:00. It gives me time to read the next few pages in my 'How To Become A Priest' book. Oh and then I exercise and practice Yoga. Wanna join me?"  
  
"...No. I WANTED to go to bed. But I guess that that's a BIT IMPOSSIBLE now, DON'T YOU THINK!? Besides, didn't that book get ruined in the rain?"  
  
"I found an Internet copy."  
  
"Don't you have to pay for those?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Where did you get the money?"  
  
"I found your mom's credit card."  
  
"...WHAT!?"  
  
"Do you think that she'll mind?"  
  
"Of COURSE she'll mind, Nick! How much was it!?"  
  
"Well, I downloaded the special edition with 45 readable languages...so...a little around two-hundred and sixty."  
  
"W-W-WHAT!?"  
  
"It's not THAT much, Meryl..."  
  
"Great...this is coming out of my allowance..." Meryl muttered as she dropped her head into her hands. "Well, aren't you going to read your priest book? I still don't see why you got me up. I'm not the one who wants to be a priest."  
  
"Well, it's always nice to have company. And..." Nick pulled out a HUGE stack of papers from behind Meryl's computer desk. "I can tell you what I've learned."  
  
"Nick...how many pages did you print out?"  
  
"A little over 1400."  
  
Meryl's faced paled and she nearly keeled over.  
  
"F-F-FOURTEEN HUNDRED!? NICK! THAT WAS MY PAPER FOR SCHOOL! WHAT ABOUT MY INK CARTRIDGES!?"  
  
"Well," He said, calmly, as though it was no big deal at all. "I found your stash of them and I used those."  
  
Meryl pounded her face with a pillow. Was Nick's jail sentence up yet so that he could go home?  
The bell rang. Second period had begun. Meryl was in Chemistry...with...Vash. Oh, but not JUST Vash. Vash's brother Knives was also in that class, as well as Knives' lackey, Legato.  
  
"Yes Master," Legato said, pulling out the chair for Knives and watching as he sat in it. "Vash will suffer for all eternity..."  
  
"No, no!" Knives scowled. "I told you to make sure to do that in the 10th grade! You failed me, Legato!"  
  
"Oh, you are right, Great Master! I will punish myself by sitting in the back of the room."  
  
"That's not necessary," Knives motioned his lackey back into the seat.  
  
Meryl watched the two, her eyes narrowing, and sighed as she took her own seat across from them.  
  
"Hey Meryl, guess what!" Vash came up from behind her and took a seat next to her.  
  
"You're moving?" Meryl asked.  
  
"No, even BETTER!" Meryl blinked. "I FINALLY got a girlfriend!"  
  
A twinge of pain ran through Meryl's heart. She hadn't known why exactly. Didn't she hate Vash? Why would she care if he got a girlfriend or not? Sure, it surprised her, as Vash was always looking for a girlfriend, but always got rejected. So why would this matter?  
  
"W-Who?" She managed to choke out.  
  
"Melissa Hurch." He said proudly.  
  
Oh, Meryl thought, her. Melissa was a popular girl, their age, but it was strange how she would consider going out with ...cringe...Vash...She was also in some of Meryl's classes.  
  
"I'm happy for you," She said, returning her gaze back to her textbooks. "I never knew that you liked Melissa."  
  
"Actually," Vash rubbed the back of his neck. "Rai-Dei's friend, Alen, kinda set it up."  
  
Alen? Meryl's eyes darkened. She hated Alen. A few years ago, he had sprayed silly string all over her front lawn as an April Fool's prank.  
  
"Really?" She asked, seething.  
  
"Yeah! Well, he's going out with Melissa's best friend and they wanted to double-date last night at the club and Alen couldn't find anyone who was able to go with Melissa...so he asked me! Well, after we met, we kinda hit it off and so, we asked each other out today."  
  
"You mean...she feels the same way?"  
  
"Yeah. Ironic how that is, me always being the one to get rejected and all..."  
  
"Yeah..." Meryl muttered. "Ironic."  
  
"All right class!" Old Mrs. Finch wove her cane around as she wheeled around in her wheelchair. She had to be at least 230, Meryl thought. "Take your seats or I'll hand out referrals to you and HOPE THAT YOU GET EXPELLED!"  
  
Yup, she was the perfect example of a demon.  
  
"Now," THWAP! "Take out your textbooks and open them to page 125!"  
  
Meryl pretended to ignore Vash and intended to for the rest of the period. She wasn't quite sure why she was so angry, but she was and that was enough. Maybe it was because Nick had woken her up or that she had to start her day off in Chemistry. Who knows?  
  
"Oh, before I forget," Came Mrs. Finch's old and raspy voice. "We have a new student in our class today. Class, say hello to Mr. Demonte Kalabis. If you don't, REFERRALS TO YOU ALL!" She wove around her cane again.  
  
A young man with raven hair that fell about his face (Somewhat like Legato's but just not all in the face, covering an eye) rose from his seat in the back and quietly made his way to the front of the class. He wore all black, black pants, boots, and turtleneck. But he was also handsome and quite muscular. His face held no expression and his mysterious violet eyes darted from each side of the room.  
  
"I'm very happy to be at this school. I just moved here from down south with my Grandpa and I hope to get to know this school very quickly." His voice was low and emotionless.  
  
"Very good Mr. Kalabis," Mrs. Finch smiled at Demonte, which was something that she NEVER did. She had obviously taken a liking to Demonte. "Please, take a seat to the right of Miss Stryfe." She pointed an old raggedy finger in Meryl's direction.  
  
He obliged and settled down next to her. She looked in his direction, hoping that he would return the glance, but he did not, much to Meryl's dismay. He was pretty cute.  
  
"All right children!" Mrs. Finch was waving her cane around again, and it knocked over her lunch of dried noodles and gravy. It splattered on the floor and Mrs. Finch looked at it. "Legato Bluesummers! Come here and clean up this mess!"  
  
"But it's not my mess," He protested.  
  
"COME HERE AND CLEAN UP THIS MESS AND THEN COME AND RECEIVE YOUR DETENTION!"  
  
"Doom on you..." Legato muttered as he arose and reached for a paper towel to clean up the teacher's mess.  
  
"Now children! Today we are going to perform a very DANGEROUS EXPERIMENT! IF THIS SCHOOL BLOWS UP, IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!" She brought her cane down hard on her desk and her papers went flying from the desk. "Mr. Bluesummers! After you are done cleaning up that mess, you will retrieve my papers! Understood!?"  
  
Legato said nothing as he wiped up the disgusting gravy.  
  
"Now partner up," Mrs. Finch rolled her way to the front of the room, running over Legato's fingers with her wheelchair as she went. He screamed and she straightened her glasses. "Only TWO! Any more than that and I will give you all referrals and OCR!"  
  
Meryl, feeling animosity towards Vash, turned towards the new boy and smiled.  
  
"Excuse me, Demonte, would you like to be my partner?"  
  
From next to her, Vash's mouth was left hanging open and his hand in mid- air. "But Meryl, who am I gonna partner up with?"  
  
Demonte turned slightly towards her, his bangs falling into his eyes. "Certainly," He replied.  
  
Vash looked in the back of the room and groaned. The only one left was Pooch, a nerdy kid with bronchitis. He sulked into the back of the room while Meryl secretly grinned and offered to get the materials.  
  
About a half-hour later, the class was finishing up the lab and Meryl was about to add the final products to her project. Turning, she looked at Knives and Legato, who were adding way more chemicals into their beaker than they were instructed.  
  
"Master, are you certain that this will be okay?" Legato blinked as Knives added in more Nitrogen Glycerin.  
  
"Of COURSE it's not going to affect anything you moron!"  
  
Knives reached for a whole bottle of Hydrogen Chloride and dumped it into the beaker.  
  
BOOM!!!!!  
  
The entire lab blew up and the room was enveloped with smoke. Everyone coughed as Legato and Knives blinked, their faces black with chemical burn.  
  
"I told you it wouldn't work, Master..." Legato said.  
  
"Shut up!" Knives growled.  
  
Mrs. Finch coughed and cleared away the smoke with her cane. "MISTER SAVEREM AND MISTER BLUESUMMERS! LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE! DETENTION!"  
  
Legato reached into his bag and withdrew his hand, holding the Great One.  
  
"Oh Great One, should the old hag become another sacrifice to honor you?" He shook it up and down and watched as the words 'Absolutely slave' appeared. "Then it shall be done."  
  
Legato stood up and began to use psychic brain waves. Mrs. Finch's bones began to twist and her body crunched inwards. She screamed as her head began to twist backwards and then her body blew apart, dark blood spilling across the floor.  
  
"No!" Vash shouted as he jumped up. "Legato! How could you!"  
  
Meryl shrunk deeper into her seat. Demonte seemed to be mimicking her movements and feelings as he quickly stood up and rushed from the lab. 


	4. Meeting Demonte Kalabis

Disclaimer: I don't own Trigun, the gnomes or their caravan (lol) and all of that other stuff.  
  
BTW: THANK YOU SO MUCH TO ALL WHO HAVE REVIEWED THIS STORY! It makes me happy to know that I have loving fans. grin  
  
Hunting For The Elusive Mayfly Known As Love...Not  
  
Chapter 4  
Meeting Demonte Kalabis  
Lunchtime came and Meryl found her appetite to be gone. Not only had she lost yet another teacher to the hands of idiotic people, but in English, while she had been associating with Milly, Vash had stupidly jumped on top of the table reciting a love poem he had written for Melissa, who just HAPPENED to be in that English class. In his hand, he held a long meter stick and while he had been shouting and prancing, he had slammed the stick into the wall, leaving a huge hole in the wall and in Mr. Weasel's heart, as he had been so attached to that wall.  
  
Meryl convinced herself that she wasn't jealous of Melissa, who was sitting with Vash at a table far across the cafeteria, but only annoyed because Vash would become MORE annoying than he was now. Wolfwood was sitting with Milly at the table where her friends hung out. They had invited Meryl to come sit with them, but Meryl simply said no and that she wasn't feeling well. Thank goodness for her, Knives was sitting with his lackeys, discussing world domination.  
  
"Do you like being a loner?" Meryl looked up, startled, and saw Demonte above her.  
  
"N-No, I'm not a loner," She said, looking away from him. "I just don't feel like hanging out with my friends right now."  
  
Demonte held out a hand to her, which she generously took. "You already know my name, but I vaguely know yours, Miss Stryfe." He shook her hand.  
  
"Oh," She said, releasing his hand. "It's Meryl."  
  
"That's a nice name," He said, his face still emotionless. "Do you mind then if I eat lunch with you?"  
  
"Not at all," She scooted over and allowed him to sit at the table. She paused and then decided to begin another conversation. "So, you live here with your Grandpa?"  
  
"Yeah, well, he's not my real Grandpa. I was adopted actually."  
  
"Oh...I'm sorry."  
  
"Don't be. I'm happy the way I live."  
  
"So, where do you live?"  
  
"Five blocks away from the school." He took a bite of his sandwich. "Over on Little Jersey."  
  
"That's a street behind where I live!" Meryl said, excited. "I live on New Oregon."  
  
"That's good," Demonte said, his eyes staying fixed on his food. "You'll have to come to my house sometime and meet my Grandpa."  
  
Meryl flushed. Suddenly, Nick came running over, out of breath, shouting Meryl's name.  
  
"I forgot to tell you!" He slowed down to catch his breath. "I have martial arts tonight."  
  
"...And?" Meryl rolled her eyes. "What's the big deal?"  
  
"I'm on restriction, remember?"  
  
"So?"  
  
"Well, my Sensei won't let me into the class unless someone is there with me. It's the rule my parents gave him the first time I was stuck in the hole. BUT! They never specified WHO has to be there. So, if you come tonight, JOIN PLEASE, so I can go to class."  
  
"Why is it so important tonight?"  
  
"Well, one, I have NEVER missed a class since I've joined six years ago, AND I'm still a white belt. They're telling me that I'll get my yellow belt any day now."  
  
Meryl blinked. "What? You've been in it for six years and...you're still a WHITE belt?"  
  
"Well I would be a green but my yellow belt got lost at the parcel service and they just got too lazy to order me another one."  
  
"So you're stuck as a white belt?" Meryl stifled a laugh.  
  
"In a nutshell."  
  
"Aren't you ever going to move up?"  
  
"Well, Sensei said that they would resume searching for my belt in a couple years. Until then...yeah, I'm a white belt."  
  
"Well," Demonte looked up at Nick. "It sounds like fun. I'll join."  
  
"And who might you be?" Nick turned in Demonte's direction.  
  
"Kalabis," Demonte extended a hand. "Demonte Kalabis."  
  
"Nicholas D. Wolfwood," Nick took his hand. "But 'Nick' is just fine."  
  
"It's a pleasure to meet you," Demonte said, his voice still low.  
  
"The pleasure is all mine." Nick turned to look at Meryl. "What about you Meryl? Your boyfriend here is joining," He pointed to Demonte and Meryl flushed.  
  
"He's not my boyfriend," She quickly protested.  
  
"Sure, whatever you say. Anyway, are you gonna join?"  
  
Meryl sighed. "I'll try it for one night and then see how it goes, all right?"  
  
Nick grinned from ear to ear. "Thanks Mer! You won't be sorry!"  
  
"I'll come and pick you both up and we'll go," Demonte turned to look at Nick. "Where do you live?"  
  
"Wait, you mean that you have a car!?" Nick said, amazed.  
  
"Um, yeah, that's usually how we civilians get around nowadays, unless you're too poor to own a car and you use a bike instead."  
  
"Well, I failed Driver's ED so they decided not to even permit me to take the written test." Nick said, smiling.  
  
"Nick, I hope that you know that that's not something to be proud of..." Meryl said, embarrassed with her friend's idiocy.  
  
"Well, anyway, I live about four blocks away from Meryl and if you take a left on a street with pretty colors and then a right with another left, you'll..." Nick was cut off.  
  
"Nick, you're staying at my house, remember?" Meryl said.  
  
"Oh yeah, huh?"  
  
"What, are you guys like brother and sister or something?" Demonte asked.  
  
"No, it's a long story, I'll tell you later." Meryl turned to Nick. "What time, Nick?"  
  
"Well it depends. You see, if you want the sparring class, you go there at 6. But if you want sparring and karate, then you go at 7. But then..."  
  
"6:30?" Meryl cut him off again. "Okay."  
  
"Close, it's 6:45 and three seconds. Sensei is very picky about the time. If you come in too soon, you'll be sent home. If you come in too late, you're kicked out of the class permanently."  
  
Meryl blinked. "WHAT KIND OF LOGIC IS THAT!?"  
  
"Well, I'm usually never late, so you guys will have nothing to fear."  
  
"Knowing you, Nick, we have everything in the world to fear."  
That night, Meryl was spending her time relaxing on her bed, reading Hamlet, her school assignment in English. Just then, the phone rang. Irritated, Meryl chucked her book out of a window and went to answer the phone.  
  
"What!?" She snapped.  
  
"Hey Stryfe," It was Knives. Meryl groaned.  
  
"What is it, Saverem? You never call me."  
  
"I need a favor."  
  
"What?"  
  
"The Principal has been giving us a hard time. Don't tell him that we were the ones who blew up the lab, okay?"  
  
"Why are you just asking me? Don't you know that the other students will rat you out?"  
  
"Actually, Legato has consulted the Great One and he told the other students that if they tell, he'll do to them what he did to Mrs. Finch. Oh and don't tell anyone about that either. I'm just telling you to save you the torture of being threatened. Be grateful that I'm so generous."  
  
"Oh, believe me Knives," She said, unenthusiastically, "I am."  
  
"Hey, who was that kid that you partnered up with in Science today?"  
  
"Demonte?"  
  
"Yeah, that's him. I see he joined our Science Class."  
  
"He's joined a couple of my classes, Knives. Why do you care?"  
  
"Just wondering. You two seemed to spend a lot of time together today. Just wondering if there was any latest news that I could spread."  
  
Meryl paused before she could see where Knives was headed. "NO Knives, he is NOT my boyfriend!"  
  
"Okay, okay, sheesh...It was just a thought..."  
  
Meryl slammed the phone down and sighed. The phone rang again and she quickly picked it up. "KNIVES! STOP CALLING HERE!"  
  
"Meryl?" It was Demonte.  
  
"Oh, I'm sorry Demonte. I thought that you were someone else."  
  
"It's no problem. I'm calling you from my cell phone; I'm driving to your place now. Hey, did Wolfwood tell us to wear anything in particular?"  
  
"Nah," She said. "Just something comfortable. He gets his own uniform though. But it doesn't matter."  
  
"All right then. I'll see you in a few minutes."  
  
"Late," She said before dropping the phone back on the receiver.  
  
"Who was that, darling?" Meryl's father, Jim, strolled into the living room.  
  
"Oh, I'm going out with some friends, daddy."  
  
"Looking like that?" Her father pointed to her sweatpants and tank top."  
  
"Yeah, we're going to the gym," She lied.  
  
"Well that's nice. Do you need a ride?"  
  
"Nah, I got one."  
  
"Okay darling." Jim walked back into the kitchen and Meryl sighed.  
  
"Pssst! Meryl!" Meryl looked up and saw Nick on the top of the stairs, peeking through the railing. "C'mere!"  
  
She followed him to her room and he pointed to the uniform in his hands.  
  
"Look! I went back to my house and found my uniform out in the street. What luck! It saved me the trouble of having to go inside."  
  
"What kind of uniform is that?"  
  
"I take Kung-Fu, so this is my polyester uniform. Isn't it great!?"  
  
"Nick...it's periwinkle. Why did you get a periwinkle uniform?"  
  
"Because it looked cool!"  
  
Meryl rolled her eyes. "Demonte is on his way over, so we have to climb out the window or else you'll be caught."  
  
"Gotcha."  
  
Suddenly, a horn honked outside and Meryl looked out her window. "Demonte's here."  
  
"Great!" Nick smiled and opened the window. "Watch this!" Nick dived out the window and crashed through Meryl's garage.  
  
"That IDIOT!" Meryl slapped herself in the forehead and ran down the stairs. "My ride is here daddy!" She said quickly as she ran out the door.  
  
"Dear, did you hear a giant crash just now?" Her mother, Martha, walked into the room.  
  
"Um...No!" Meryl said as she slammed the door behind her.  
  
Meanwhile, Nick had managed to escape from the garage and trample through Meryl's mother's flowers and vegetable garden. Everything was smashed and destroyed.  
  
"NICK!" Meryl screamed. "MY MOTHER WILL BE FURIOUS!"  
  
Nick shrugged. "They're just flowers, Meryl. They'll grow back in a week." He turned to look back at the annihilated flowers. "Or ten."  
  
"Get in the car," She growled.  
  
"But I'm not dressed yet!"  
  
"Then...get dressed in the back of the car!"  
  
Meryl climbed into the front seat of Demonte's Nissan and Nick climbed into the back.  
  
"All right, where to?" Demonte asked, as he pulled out of Meryl's driveway.  
  
"Make a right up here then circle to a left with another right and two ups with three biscuits and..."  
  
"Turn left Demonte, and keep going straight until I tell you to turn." Meryl cut in.  
"Nicky! You're late again!" Nick's Sensei screamed as he rapped his katana against a wall.  
  
"Forgive me Sensei," Nick bowed apologetically.  
  
"That's no excuse! I would send you home, but since you've brought friends, I'm only going to make you do Military push-ups for fifteen minutes!"  
  
"Oh no!" Nick cried. "Not the single-fingered over exaggerated handicap pushups!"  
  
"Oh YES! Now drop and push!" His Sensei screamed.  
  
"Nicky?" Meryl whispered to Demonte. He shrugged as the Sensei approached them.  
  
"I thought Nick said that he was never late," He whispered back.  
  
"I apologize for my student here, who isn't even worth calling my student! Anyway, please join us. As you can see, you are the only three here today so we will practice forms and fight using our well-known techniques. Since Nicky is busy at the moment, I shall teach you how to engage in combat. Watch what I do."  
  
So Meryl and Demonte practiced forms for most of the time, while Nick kept getting yelled at and having to do the single-fingered pushups. Finally came the time to fight.  
  
"Nick and Demonte," Sensei said. "You first."  
  
Demonte and Nick were sent into the circle and began to punch and kick at each other. Demonte, surprisingly, was very good and beat Nick down.  
  
"NICKY! HORRIBLE PERFORMANCE! YOUR PUNISHMENT IS TO FIGHT ME!" His Sensei screamed as he entered the ring.  
  
Nick's teeth chattered in fear as he began to throw weak punches at his Sensei. Finally, Nick screamed and threw a front kick, catching Sensei in between the legs.  
  
"UGH!" Sensei screamed and crumpled to the floor.  
  
"Nick! You killed him!" Meryl screamed, holding a hand to her mouth.  
  
"Sensei?" Nick nudged him lightly with his foot and blinked. "Sensei are you okay?"  
  
But the man did not move. He twitched involuntarily from time to time, but the status proved that Sensei was dead.  
  
"NO!" Nick screamed. "NOW I'LL NEVER GET MY YELLOW BELT IN THE MAIL!"  
  
"Nick...is that ALL YOU CARE ABOUT!?" Meryl screamed as Nick sniffed.  
  
Demonte looked at his watch. "It's only 7:30. Let's go to the arcade before it gets any darker." He stared at the dead Sensei. "Um, I think that he'll be okay here for a little while."  
Demonte parked the car in front of Silver Square and the three walked in, Nick crying the whole way.  
  
"He was the best Sensei I ever had," Nick sniffed. "Then I just had to go and kick him in the crotch. WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME!?"  
  
"At least you changed out of that goofy uniform, Nick," Meryl said. "They have a diner in here. We'll eat and then play."  
  
The three settled down in Jean's Diner and ordered a light meal and sat at the counter. Nick just picked at his food, tears streaming down his face.  
  
"Nick, it's okay," Meryl reassured.  
  
"But he never got a eulogy..." Nick sobbed. "What kind of priest am I!?"  
  
"You're a priest?" Demonte asked, amazed.  
  
"Almost."  
  
"Well Nick, then give him a eulogy here."  
  
"It's too LATE FOR A EULOGY! I WAS SUPPOSED TO DO IT WHEN HE DIED!" Nick wailed.  
  
"Nick shut up! People can hear you!" Meryl hissed.  
  
"I don't care..." Nick sniffled.  
  
"I give up," Meryl sighed. She turned to look at Demonte. "Well Demonte, how do you like it here?"  
  
"It's okay," He shrugged. "It's better than the city. It seems much more reserved here."  
  
"Yeah," Meryl agreed. "It is."  
  
"Your friends are kind of..." Demonte looked at Nick. "Weird."  
  
"Yeah," Meryl said. "I know. But there's a lot to do here and stuff when you don't wanna hang out with them."  
  
"Ha, Well that's always good."  
  
"It is. So, tell me, how was your life in the city?"  
  
"I hated it. I used to get into a lot of trouble there. I got into a lot of fights. I'm glad we moved."  
  
"Really? Why did you fight?"  
  
"Different reasons. Looking back, I see that all the fights were pretty stupid."  
  
"That explains why you're so good at fighting. You took down Nick in the ring."  
  
"THE RING!" Nick wailed. "I'LL NEVER SEE IT AGAIN BECAUSE SENSEI IS...DEAD!"  
  
"Oh shout it loud enough, why don't you? The cops are going to arrest you ya' know." Meryl said.  
  
"OH RUB IT IN WHY DON'T YOU!?" Nick pounded a fist against the table.  
  
Meryl sighed and then a man rushed through the door.  
  
"Oh dear mercy, help me!" The man cried as he began to run in circles.  
  
"Um..." Demonte blinked. "Who the heck is that?"  
  
Nick looked up and gasped.  
  
"Calm down, Mister," A man patted the panicking man on the back. "What seems to be the matter?" Nick quickly grabbed a newspaper and pulled it over his head to disguise himself.  
  
"My little Nicky!" The panicking man wailed. "He's been kidnapped!"  
  
"Nick," Meryl whispered. "Isn't that your dad?"  
  
"Shhh!" He hissed. "Pretend I'm not here!"  
  
"That's kinda hard to do, Nick, since you stand out the most with that newspaper on your head!" Meryl shook her head and sighed. A headache was coming on.  
  
"My little Nicky!" Nick's father, Joseph, held a hand to his weeping face. "We went to check up on him at the hole and he was gone! Someone must've stolen him and forced him to work with gnomes in the caravan!"  
  
"Easy there, Mister Wolfwood," Another man helped to calm Nick's father. "We'll send the police out right away."  
  
"The police!?" Joseph was appalled. "The POLICE won't be enough to find my little Nicky! We must send in the corps! The marines! The navy and the S.W.A.T. team and the Calvary! He'll never survive on his own! He's only a baby!"  
  
"I'm seventeen, dad," Nick mumbled to himself.  
  
"Nick, I thought you said that your parents never go to the hole while you're in it!" Meryl leaned over and whispered.  
  
"They don't normally..." Nick sighed. "But if I come out of hiding now and they catch me, I'll be in the hole until I'm fifty! And I'll still be a virgin! So I'll just stay right here where it's nice and safe."  
  
"OH THE HUMANITY!" Joseph walked over and slapped Nick on the head and began to shake him. "Isn't it just TERRIBLE MISTER!?" Nick's face grew with horror under the newspaper as his father continued to shake his shoulders.  
  
"Oh Meryl!" Joseph released Nick's shoulders and began to shake Meryl's. "Meryl! Nicky is gone! Presumably DEAD! I'll never see him again!" Joseph began to sob and snatched the newspaper from Nick's head. "GIMME THAT! I MUST GRIEVE PROPERLY!" Nick screeched and dove over the counter, landing face-first on the ground.  
  
"Um, Meryl," Demonte darted his eyes to the counter, where Nick was hiding, and stood up. "It's such a shame that your friend is missing. Why don't we do the honors of trying to find Mr. Wolfwood's lost son? Outside I mean..."  
  
"You're absolutely right Demonte!" Meryl grabbed Demonte's arm and dashed outside, Nick not far behind. He hid his hands over his head to keep from being noticed.  
  
"GONE! GONE!" Joseph sobbed. "GONE...FOREVER!!!"  
Meanwhile, outside, Demonte pushed the key into the ignition and started the car as Meryl and Nick dove inside.  
  
"Good grief Nick!" Meryl looked at him, her face hardening. "Now what are you gonna do!?"  
  
"Um...stay in hiding forever?"  
  
"That's not a very good idea," Demonte pulled out of the Silver Square. "Maybe you should just assent to the thing about being kidnapped by gnomes in the caravan."  
  
"NO WAY!" Nick shouted, leaning over the front seat. "I'm not losing my dignity to THAT lame excuse!"  
  
"And I wonder if it would be a good idea for you to keep staying at my house, seeing as your mom and my mom are best friends," Meryl sighed. "Once my mom finds out that you're missing, it's no doubt that she'll come to me asking."  
  
"So now where am I going to stay!?" Nick's bottom lip began to tremble.  
  
"Well..." Demonte tilted his head to the side. "I suppose you could stay with me...My grandpa won't mind, seeing as he isn't home much anyway."  
  
"Really?" Meryl inquired. "What does he do for a living?"  
  
"He's a photographer. He does a little of this, a little of that, but he's gone a lot. Well actually..."  
  
"What?" Nick asked. "You just remembered that I couldn't stay with you?"  
  
"No, my grandpa will be at home for a few weeks, since we just moved here, but he'll be gone again before you know it. In the meantime, I'll just assure him that you're a friend spending the night because your parents are out of town and you're scared of the dark."  
  
"Gee, I think that that excuse will hurt my pride more than the gnomes and the caravan." Nick glowered.  
  
"Do you want a place to stay until we figure out what do to or don't you?" Demonte looked at Nick, who was still leaning over the front seat.  
  
"Fine, fine, but think of another reason why I'm over there. I am NOT afraid of the dark. I have the Lord's protection." Nick smiled and looked at Meryl. "Sorry Meryl, it was fun but I guess I'm moving out."  
  
"Praise the Lord." Meryl said unenthusiastically.  
Demonte dropped Meryl off at her house and she walked in, pretending not to notice the large hole in her garage from earlier. As she opened the door, she heard strings of curses and stomping...coming from the other room.  
  
"Friggin mongooses!" Meryl's father stomped from room to room, pictures falling from the walls because of the turbulence in the atmosphere.  
  
"What's wrong daddy?" Meryl asked, slipping her shoes from her feet.  
  
"Those friggin mongooses put a hole in the garage! How they could do something that big, I don't KNOW!"  
  
"Dad...We don't HAVE mongooses in Gunsmoke."  
  
"Precisely!" Her father rose a finger. "They're planning a multi- attack invasion on Gunsmoke! I've known it since the incident with the TV and the tin can."  
  
"..."  
  
"Don't worry honey, DADDY will make things RIGHT again!"  
  
She watched as her father proceeded to pull his sniper off of the wall where it had been hanging peacefully, and cocked it.  
  
"Dad...What are you doing?"  
  
"Can't you tell? I'm going to war with the mongooses. If I'm not back in fifteen minutes, tell your mother to cancel dinner."  
  
He stormed out the door and Meryl sighed. Then the phone rang. She turned and plucked it from the receiver. "Hello?"  
  
"Meryl!" Someone was crying. Then she recognized the voice.  
  
"Vash?"  
  
"Oh it's so horrible!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"I just heard the news of Nick's death!"  
  
Meryl facefaulted. "Nick's not dead you MORON!"  
  
"That's not true! His father just called and told us of the horrible news! Knives isn't taking it well at all! He's in his room at this very moment..."  
# In Knives' room #  
"What do you mean 'am I sure'? Of COURSE I'm sure! They just called here and told us of Wolfwood's death. Now we can prepare our plans for world domination without interference! This is the best day of my life!" Knives cackled maniacally and lightning shot through the sky.  
# Meryl's Room #  
"Vash...Nick isn't dead...trust me."  
  
"Oh poor Meryl, always in denial!" Vash sobbed.  
  
Meryl sighed heavily and rubbed her temple. "Look Vash, I'm very busy right now, I don't have time for this. Shouldn't you be calling Melissa or something?"  
  
"I would be, but she had dance lessons. Oh my dearest Melissa! I miss her so much! I wrote another love poem for her, do you want to hear it?"  
  
"NO!" Meryl screamed, suddenly becoming enraged. "I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT!"  
  
"Geez, Meryl, you don't have to get all angry and stuff. Just because YOU don't have a boyfriend..."  
  
CLICK!  
  
Meryl slammed the phone down and walked into the other room. Tomorrow would come soon enough.  
Just to let you know, I only did this Kung-Fu episode cause I take Kung-Fu and my brother and I were portraying Nick in Kung-Fu. So I just had to write this. The next chapter will be better. Such as...Nick! And his DDR machine. What will Nick's parents do? And, will Vash and Melissa last? FIND OUT!!! Eventually...  
  
Blood_Lotus_Demonwalker 


	5. First Meeting

Disclaimer: I don't own Trigun, DDR, and all of that other good junk.  
Hunting For The Elusive Mayfly Known As Love...Not  
Chapter 5  
First Meeting  
The sky was stormy...as usual. Meryl turned over in bed. Today was Friday...at LAST!  
  
Today after school, Meryl was going to the circus that had come to town two days earlier. And! Today was going to be an easy day because Vash had killed off her Algebra teacher and Drama teacher, so Cooking was the only thing scheduled for the day.  
As she arrived through the doors, she was met with colorful flyers and banners that pointed her in the direction of the auditorium for an early meeting. Curious as to see what Principal FishCreme wanted, she obliged and waited in the auditorium.  
  
"Hey Meryl," Meryl turned and almost facefaulted.  
  
"Nick! What the heck are you doing standing there wearing a Halloween mask over your face!? ...And why is it of our Vice-President?"  
  
"Come on," Nick laughed. "No one will EVER recognize me in this mask."  
  
"Hey Nick," Midvalley snickered as he walked by. "I see you got plastic surgery. It did you good." He laughed and Nick flared.  
  
"PLASTIC SURGERY!? ON MY BEAUTIFUL FACE!? THAT'S A SIN!"  
  
"I thought you said that no one would recognize you in that mask." Meryl said, narrowing her eyes.  
  
"Nick?" Milly came up behind Nick, horror held in her expression. "I thought you were dead!"  
  
"Oh, hi Milly!" Nick waved. "I'm not dead, well...unless you're counting the countless sins that I have committed that are can't be atoned for and..."  
  
"What happened to you?" Demonte was the one to ask as he entered the small group.  
  
"Oh thanks heavens you asked!" Nick grabbed the collar of Demonte's black shirt. "It's a long story, although it's kind of a short one."  
  
Demonte was not amused. "Nick, I drove you to school this morning. Where did you get the time to buy a Halloween mask of our Vice-President?"  
  
"Actually, I kind of took it from our dead drama teacher's box of political masks." Nick laughed.  
  
"DEAD DRAMA TEACHER!?" Demonte's jaw dropped to the ground. "You mean like yesterday when that blue-haired guy killed our science teacher!?"  
  
"Woah," Nick and Milly turned to Meryl. "I didn't know that Legato killed Mrs. Finch." Nick shook his head.  
  
"Oh my gosh!" Milly held her head in her hands. "Legato killed Mrs. Finch!?"  
  
"Well," Meryl smiled nervously, "...Kinda."  
  
"Kinda? KINDA!?" Nick put a comforting arm around the sobbing Milly as he pointed a dictating finger at Meryl. "How can you KINDA kill someone!? Did you even give her a eulogy?" Silence. "NO!? YOU DIDN'T!?"  
  
Demonte threw a hand over Nick's mouth and hissed softly to him. "NICK! Not everyone needs to know our problems!"  
  
"Hey guys!" Vash laughed as he walked up, an arm around Melissa's waist. "What's going on?"  
  
"Hey Vash," Nick waved as Demonte took his hand away from Nick's mouth.  
  
"WOLFWOOD!?" Vash nearly collapsed. "BUT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE DE-"  
  
It was Vash's turn to receive the clamping over his mouth by Demonte.  
  
"Do you mind being a little bit more quieter?" Demonte said irritably through gritted teeth.  
  
"Who the heck are you?" Vash asked, a hint of disgust in his voice.  
  
"My name is Demonte Kalabis," Demonte introduced himself. "I take it that you're Vash."  
  
"Wow!" Vash took a step backwards, astonished. "How did you know that!?"  
  
"Um...Nick just said your name," Demonte blinked.  
  
"Wait," Vash narrowed his eyes and scratched his chin. "That CAN'T be Nick! He's wearing the face of our Vice-President! Not like I'm a political person anyway, but STILL!"  
  
Vash turned and ripped the mask from off of Nick's head.  
  
"HEY!" Nick cried as he reached back for the stolen mask.  
  
"OH MERCY NO!" Vash cried. "IT'S THE GHOST OF NICK!"  
  
Meryl clenched her fists. Vash was drawing attention to them and she didn't like it.  
  
"Places!" Principal FishCreme tapped on the microphone and motioned for everyone to settle down. "Please take a seat in the bleachers."  
  
After everyone did so, the Principal cleared his throat and began to speak. "Before we begin, I'd like to ask you to stand for the school's national anthem."  
  
Everyone groaned.  
  
"All right," Principal FishCreme held his hand up. "Begin,"  
  
Meryl began to chime in with the students as they sang the most conceited anthem in the world, 'This School Is Better Than Everyone Else's'. She paused as she heard a different song...coming from Vash.  
  
"Total slaughter, total slaughter," He sang in place of the anthem. "I won't leave a single man alive. La de da de die, Genocide. La de da de dud, an ocean of blood. Let's begin the killing time."  
  
"Okay students," The Principal called for silence. "As you all know, we lost a very good teacher yesterday. The name of our beloved teacher..." Principal FishCreme pointed to the back of the auditorium where a curtain was lifted off of a huge picture frame. "...Mrs. Finch." Meryl suck lower into her seat.  
  
"Hey Meryl," Vash tapped Meryl's shoulder. "That portrait looks like our dead science teacher."  
  
"That's because it IS our dead science teacher you moron!"  
  
"...Oh..."  
  
"BUT!" The Principal wailed. "All is NOT lost. Because if we find out who the murderer or murderers are for the deaths of Mr. Balding, Mr. Gaylord, AND Mrs. Finch, we will take care of them...PERSONALLY..."  
  
Meryl could hear Vash gulp and she wondered what Legato and Knives were thinking.  
  
"Should we turn them in?" Demonte asked, leaning over next to Meryl.  
  
"Nah, they'll screw themselves and everyone will know. That way, not only will they get prosecuted, but they'll get a bruised ego as well." Meryl whispered back.  
At lunch, Demonte, Meryl, Vash, Melissa, Milly, and Nick were all gathered around the table. While Meryl wasn't particularly fond of Melissa sitting at the same table (for unexplained reasons) she only grinned and tried to keep her food down as much as possible without being disgusted by the sight of Vash's girlfriend.  
  
"Nick," Vash smiled. "It sure is nice to know that you're alive and well."  
  
"Well...yeah..." Nick blinked. "Just...don't tell my dad or he'll have a coronary. That's pretty much the reason why I was wearing the mask in the first place. You see, if my dad finds out that I'm alive, then he'll know that I escaped from the hole..."  
  
"FEDERAL PRISON!?" Vash exclaimed.  
  
"No, you moron," Meryl sighed. "It's like being grounded...only worse."  
  
"What is all of this about anyway, Nick?" Milly asked glancing at the priest-in-training.  
  
"It's a long story," He laughed. "I'll tell you some other time."  
  
"Boy," Vash grinned as he took a bite out of his sandwich. "If Nick had died, I would've had the perfect eulogy for him."  
  
"And what might that be, Vash the Stampede?" Nick inquired.  
  
Vash abruptly jumped up and pounded a fist on the table, grinning from ear to ear. "Why, the story of how we first met of course!"  
  
Nick's face grew with horror and he covered his face in his hands. "ANYTHING but that..."  
Flashback  
The entire science class was on a field trip two years earlier to the eggplant factory. Vash sipped diligently off of his water bottle and turned to look out the window. His eyes widened.  
  
"HEY!" He pointed out the window but collapsed as Meryl reached over and socked Vash in the head.  
  
"What is it this time?" She asked, annoyed.  
  
"That..." He said, dazed, and pointed out the window.  
  
There, running alongside the bus was a student in black clad. He suddenly collapsed face-first in the middle of the street. Meryl gasped. "Bus driver! Stop!"  
  
The bus driver stopped and parked on the side of the road. He walked out of the bus looked at the student in the road as the music from Trigun began to play endlessly in the background. "This is one heck of a well prepare-"  
  
"WELL PRAISE THE LORD, HELLO!" The boy sat up and extended a hand, which accidentally poked out the eyes of the startled bus driver. The student watched the man scream and, embarrassed, slithered away stealthily as the bus driver began to scream and clutch his eyes. Finally, the bus driver collapsed in the road and curled up into a fetal position, twitching. "Darn, I said it too soon again! I'll have to time myself later." The student whispered to himself.  
Back on the bus, the student was in a seat, drinking all of Vash's water. "Ahhh, AHHH I'M ALIVE AGAIN!" He turned to look at Milly and Meryl. "I'm much obliged."  
  
"But...that was my water..." Vash's bottom lip began to tremble.  
  
"I can't believe that you were running alongside this bus for an hour and a half, Nick." Milly said. "I never knew that you were in this class. I've never seen you there."  
  
"Well, I would show up, but I've been lost for the past year and a half trying to find the science room in the school. This school is a very big place, you know." Suddenly, Nick stood up and extended a hand to Vash. "I'm Wolfwood, at your service."  
  
Vash refused to take the hand. "Don't you have a first name?"  
  
"Nicholas, but you can just call me Nick."  
  
Vash stood up, an emotionless expression on his face. "I am known as Valentinez Alkalinella-"  
  
Suddenly, the bus began to tip and rock and then a big POP was heard. The bus driver sighed and walked out of the bus. "Sorry kids, it's a flat tire! Guess we'll just have to turn around and go home."  
  
Silence...  
  
And then...  
  
"HUZZAH!" Came the voices of all the students.  
  
So the bus with its flat tire was turned around and driven home...Anyone else besides me see a problem with this picture?  
  
"I don't get it," Meryl pouted. "How can a bus drive if it has a flat tire? If we could drive anyway, we might as well have gone to the plantation."  
  
"Shhh!" Vash screeched. "Don't ruin the salvation of our dismissal to go to the plantation for everyone!"  
End Flashback  
"Ahhh..." Vash grinned, like a dork. "Those were the good old days..."  
  
"No they weren't," Meryl commented. "That was the year YOU moved here. THAT was a HORRIBLE day."  
  
Demonte chuckled. "I DON'T think I want to know."  
Meryl walked home after school, but stopped at the Silver Square just before then. She stepped into the arcade part of the Mall and looked inside, aiming to find the Dance Dance Revolution game.  
  
Meryl didn't particularly like DDR, but then again, she had never tried it either. So, there was a first time for everything. Besides, Nick was talking about it earlier and it just seemed interesting. A moment later, her eyes had caught the flashy machine...And then...her mood darkened.  
  
There, on the machine, was the infamous BDN. (His initials stood for Bob Derek Neon, but he had recently changed it to Brilliant Dynamites Neon. Go figure.) He was playing away on the machine. His song ended and he turned to his audience, expecting applause.  
  
"Thank you, thank you," He grinned, bowing, but soon frowned when he saw a young boy not clapping.  
  
"YOU ARE NOT CLAPPING!" BDN bellowed. "DEATH TO YOU!" BDN snapped his fingers and ten gruff guys jumped out from behind arcade machines and tackled the poor soul.  
  
Meryl watched in horror, and sidestepped away. BDN was such a bully.  
  
"Hello Meryl..." Meryl turned to see Legato and Knives standing behind her. "What are you doing here?" Legato asked, emotionlessly.  
  
"Well I WAS going to play DDR, but that punk, Bob, is hogging it," She replied.  
  
"DDR!? WHAT!? WHERE!?" Legato became full of life and darted over to the game.  
  
Legato watched as BDN played 'maniac mode' on every dance. At the very end, as usual, BDN expected applause from everyone who was watching. But when he saw Legato not clapping, BDN became displeased.  
  
"What?" BDN narrowed his eyes. "Do you think that you're better than me?"  
  
Legato shrugged. "Of course I am."  
  
"..."  
  
"I'll prove it to you," Legato offered. "Let's play on a battle for points, okay?"  
  
"Of course!" BDN yelled. "I OWN you!"  
  
Legato jumped over the railing and selected Afronova on 'maniac mode'. Legato cheated by using his mind melding powers and made it so that he would be better than BDN. At the very end of the song, the machine racked up the points.  
  
BDN growled at Legato's perfect score of 9,999,999,999,999.  
  
"Yawn," Legato imitated a fake yawn.  
  
"So what?" BDN snarled. "I probably got a straight 10,000,000,000,000." He turned back towards the machine. "See? There's my perfect score of 9,999,999,999,99.......8!? WHAT THE!?" He grabbed the machine with both hands and began to shake it. "CURSES! ONE POINT! ONE LOUSY POINT!" Turning back to Legato, he stuck an intimidating finger at him. "You will forever be cursed for your insignificance! You will burn in the deep crevasses of..."  
  
Legato frowned and used his psychic powers to crunch BDN's bones backwards.  
  
"OMG!" BDN screamed and began to cry.  
  
"Ah," Knives smiled from afar and Meryl turned to look at him. "This is more entertaining to watch than planning world domination." Meryl became dumbfounded and shook her head.  
Meanwhile, in a place full of despair and evilness...  
"Are the preparations complete?" Came an old and raggedy voice.  
  
"Yes," Another man bowed his head towards his leader. "The cheesecake awaits you on the table."  
  
"NOT THAT YOU MORON!" The Boss shouted back at his servant as he pounded his fist against the armrest of his chair. "I was talking about the...other things..."  
  
"Ohhhh," The servant said. "THOSE things..." In truth, he had no idea what his Master was talking about at all. "What things?"  
  
"FOOL! TEN THOUSAND LASHINGS FOR YOU!"  
  
"NO! WAIT! ...You can't! It's not Thursday."  
  
"Oh..." The Boss sighed. "...Pooh. Well, anyway, I was talking about the conquest of the city of Gunsmoke. Are the preparations complete?"  
  
"Well," The servant hesitated. "Yes and no."  
  
"WHAT!?" The Boss roared. "What are you talking about!?"  
  
"Are you sure that you don't want the cheesecake sir?"  
  
"...What? NO I DON'T WANT THE CHEESECAKE! NOW TELL ME OF THE PLANS SERVANT!"  
  
"Then, may I have the cheesecake?"  
  
"Huh?! I DON'T CARE IF YOU HAVE THE FRIGGIN CHEESECAKE! NOW TELL ME OF THE PLANS!"  
  
"Well, sir, our stations have been set up, but we have been found out sir..."  
  
"WHAT!?" The Boss began to throw a tantrum, overthrowing his chair and other pieces of furniture in the room. The servant waited patiently, looking at his watch every now and then, until the Boss mellowed out.  
  
"ARRRRRGH! ARRRRR!!!" The Boss proceeded to destroy important papers and counterfeit bills.  
  
"Are you done yet?" The servant asked after ten minutes.  
  
The Boss huffed, but nodded. "Yes."  
  
"Good," The servant smiled cheerfully and clapped his hands together. "Now as I was going to say." The servant cleared his throat. "We were found out, meaning that a certain individual found our evil secret lair."  
  
The Boss didn't like where this was going and steam began to pour from his nostrils like an angry bull. Sensing this, the servant added hastily, "But we managed to snap a picture of this guy about two nights ago."  
  
The Boss seemed to ease up as the servant withdrew a photo from his pocket. He slowly walked over to his boss and handed it to him. The Boss looked it over carefully.  
  
"Yes...he does look familiar." The Boss remarked. "He is wearing dark garments."  
  
"Look closer," The servant pointed to the picture. "He's running and his hood is almost pulled back."  
  
The Boss scrutinized the small portion of the photo. "Hmm, you're right. This person has black hair..."  
  
"Don't forget that it could either be a man or a woman too, sir," The servant pointed out. "We don't have a lot to go by if we decide to look for this guy."  
  
"Of COURSE we're going to find him! He knows our most devious plot!"  
  
"True sir, true. But what are you going to do about it?"  
  
"Oh, YOU'LL SEE, servant...you'll see...Heh, heh..."  
Vash clenched his teeth as he watched Demonte and Meryl chatting MERRILY away...Wait, was that a twinge of jealousy he felt? Nah...  
  
The circus had just ended, their performance a bit...odd. For example, the performers in the circus wanted to take Nick with them. And why were the actors so small? They looked kind of like gnomes...  
  
But anyway, that wasn't the point. It was the fact that Meryl was just hanging around so close to that DEMONTE guy...  
  
...Not like he cared or anything...  
  
Nah, he had his own girlfriend, whom was sitting right next to him at that very instant.  
  
BUT WHY WERE THOSE TWO SPENDING SO MUCH TIME TOGETHER!?  
  
"He's a chump. He MUST pay..." Vash hissed to himself.  
  
"Hmm? What did you say?" Melissa looked up at him.  
  
"NOTHING!" Vash said quickly. "NOTHING AT ALL!"  
  
After all, it was the weekend. He knew that he shouldn't let petty little things get to him...  
Yay! I actually have a plot planned out for this series now. Before I was just writing whatever popped into my head, but NOW I have a plot! AHAHA! Stay tuned for future chapters and please review. Anything would be nice...Um, you know what I mean.  
  
Blood_Lotus_Demonwalker 


	6. Party At Milly's!

Disclaimer: Still don't own Trigun, Dirty Pair, yaddy-yaddah, okay whatever now read. Lol.

****

Hunting For The Elusive Mayfly Known As Love………Not

Chapter 6

Party At Milly's!

A boy in black clad stared at the scar on his forearm. Cursing soundly so that the other members in his household would not hear, he changed into his nightclothes and crawled under the covers. He knew that he would have to be more careful when the next time rolled around for him to go back to the hideout…

****

Saturday morning, Demonte invited Meryl to his house since his Grandfather had gone to a photo shoot and wouldn't be home until late that evening. Meryl arrived at noon and found Nick sprawled out on the couch, reading one of Demonte's comic books.

"Nick, your mother and father are having a coronary looking for you, and all you can do is sit here and read 'Dirty Pair'?" Meryl said bitterly.

"Hold on Meryl," Nick held up a hand, not tearing his gaze from the comic. "I'm at the best part! It's the transformation of Kei!"

Meryl's face grimaced as she realized what Nick was talking about (If you've ever seen the show…_shiver at the transformation part_) and snatched the book from Nick's grasp. "WHY DOES DEMONTE EVEN HAVE THIS!?"

"It came with a subscription," Demonte explained as he entered the room with chips and soda. "I don't want it. Nick, you can have it."

"YES!" Nick shouted as he fell off the couch, hitting the small wooden table in front of the couch. "FRUIT TARTS!" He clutched his head.

"You have a pretty homey place here, Demonte," Meryl noted as she made a complete intake of her surroundings. It was a two-story cabin located in the richer part of Gunsmoke, only a few streets from Meryl. The porch in front was massive, stretching from one end of the house to another.

The interior was much more attractive with oak walls and navy blue carpeting. The enormous living room led into a white-tiled kitchen and then into the dining room. There were two bathrooms, one located downstairs and another upstairs. Demonte's room was down the hall, secluded in the corner on the upper floor. His Grandfather's was at the other end of the hall with two guestrooms, a bathroom, and a closet in between. Pictures hung from all walls, mostly of landscapes and others of Demonte's Grandfather's relatives. The brick fireplace in the front room was cackling mildly from a small fire. The house was overall nice and tidy, perfect for the Grandfather and his Grandson.

"Thank you," Demonte said. "My Grandfather and I work hard." Then Demonte's smile faded. "WHERE'S MY FATHER'S ORIGINAL PHOTO OF THE STEEPLE IN VIENNA!?"

Nick stuffed a bulgy object under his shirt. "Don't ask me…" Nick turned to look at the bulgy object and said to it softly, "Not to worry, my precious picture, these wretched people don't deserve such beauty as you. Now all I have to do is sell this off on E-Bay and earn money for a robe of grandiose and THEN! I shall be the PRIEST OF THE UNIVERSE! MWAHAHAHA!!!!!" Unfortunately for Nick, he had just given his lifelong dream away.

"Hand it over, Nick," Demonte said sternly. Nick looked up, his bottom lip trembling, his heart broken, and a lone tear fell from his face.

"FINE! TAKE IT!" Nick screamed as he chucked the picture at Demonte, who swiftly dodged, and the picture wound up in the fireplace. Horror seized Demonte's face as he watched the invaluable picture burn up. Then the picture exploded into pieces as the fire spread from inside the fireplace and began to tear at the rug, advancing up the walls and around the carpet.

"NOW LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE!" Demonte raged at Nick. "MY HOUSE IS BURNING DOWN!"

"THAT'S YOUR FAULT FOR NOT HAVING THE SCREEN OVER THE FIRE!" Nick retorted.

"WELL I HADN'T EXPECTED SOMEONE LIKE 'YOU' TO CHUCK AN IMPORTANT, RARE PICTURE INTO THE FIRE!!!" Demonte roared back.

Twenty minutes later, Demonte's house was in ashes on the lawn as Meryl, Nick, and Demonte stood outside the house.

"Why? Just…why?" Demonte asked, shaking his head.

"Whoops…" Then Nick shrieked. "WAIT! THE 'DIRTY PAIR' COMIC WAS STILL IN THERE!" Nick crumpled to the ground, crying.

"NICK IS THAT **ALL **YOU CARE ABOUT!?" Meryl shouted.

Suddenly, Demonte's Grandfather pulled into the driveway. He was a middle-aged man with flecks of gray over his brown hair and he was dressed in a fancy business suit.

"Demonte," The old man said as he emerged from his car. "I'm home early. I wanted to meet your new friends when I heard that they were…com…ing…over…" The old man blinked at the remains of his house. "WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHYYY!?"

A little while later, everyone had gathered at Meryl's house (With Nick wearing a purple Afro wig and glittery pink star-shaped glasses so that Meryl's parents wouldn't recognize him) with Demonte and his Grandfather, named Carl, very upset.

"You know they have shelters for homeless people like you," Nick pointed out.

"We wouldn't BE homeless if it weren't for YOU, Nick," Demonte growled. Carl patted him on the back. 

"It's okay, Demonte, we'll get by." Carl restrained himself from crying.

Meryl slumped over. "This is my fault," She muttered. "If only I hadn't released Nick from the hole…I never thought that Nick would be the one to cause all the problems. I always thought that Vash was the accident-prone one…"

Suddenly, Meryl's mother called out from the other room. "Meryl! Phone!"

"I'll be right back, guys," Meryl said, praying that they wouldn't kill each other before she got back.

Meryl clutched the receiver and held it up to her ear. "What?" She asked.

"Meryl!" Chirped Milly from the other line.

"Oh…Hi Milly…" Meryl sighed.

"Gee, Meryl. You don't sound very ecstatic today."

"I'm not. Nick is in a heap of trouble."

"What did he do this time?"

"Nothing much, except he burned Demonte's house down."

"WHAT!? HOW CAN YOU CALL THAT NOTHING MUCH, MERYL!?"

Meryl cringed and yanked the phone from her ear. "That's not what I meant," She said hastily. "Anyway, what did you need? I'm currently in the middle of trying to find Demonte and his Grandpa a new home."

"Oh, well I was wondering if you wanted to come to my house for a party tonight."

"Why is there a party tonight?"

"Well," Milly said. "My ultra RICH parents are going out of town tonight and they're taking all of my brothers and sisters with them. And you know what that means…"

"Milly why did your parents not take you with them?" Meryl asked, a little suspicious.

Milly sniffled and then wailed, "ALL RIGHT! I'LL TELL YOU!" Meryl blinked. "It's because I burnt dinner last night…"

Meryl facefaulted.

"WHAT!?" Meryl asked. "All because you BURNT dinner!?"

"Oh well," Milly said, resilient. "I get to have a party now. Anyway, invite everyone you know and meet me at my house at six, okay?"

"But Milly, I have to help Demonte and his Grandpa…" CLICK. "…find a new house…" Meryl sighed and hung up the phone. Walking back into the front room, she nearly fell down at what she saw.

"OH YEAH!?" Demonte began to chuck some of the silverware at Nick. "WELL THIS IS WHAT I THINK OF YOU!"

Nick ducked as several forks and knives zinged past him.

"WHY I OUTTA…!" Nick grabbed a vase off of a nearby table and hurled it at Demonte, who easily dodged, but Carl was not so lucky.

"UMPH!" Carl was hit square in the face, and went unconscious. Demonte blinked as he stared at his Grandpa, and then turned his evil stare back to Nick.

"NOW LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE!" Demonte roared.

Meryl curled into a fetal position, rocking back and forth and repeatedly asked, "Why?"

"THERE ARE PLACES FOR TRANSIENTS LIKE YOU!" Nick dodged the kitchen chair as he lurched forward and hurled a portrait of Meryl and her family at Demonte. Demonte ducked and the picture crashed through the window, shattering it.

"OH!? AND WHERE WOULD THAT BE!?" Demonte raged, jumping on top of Nick and pounding him indefinitely.

"…CARD…OW! …BOARD… UMPH! …BOXES!" Nick said in between blows to his stomach. Demonte paused, fire blazing in his eyes.

"What…did…you…just…say?" Demonte growled. Standing up quickly, he jumped, performing an elbow drop onto Nick. "I'LL RIP YOUR ARMS OFF!"

Rushing back into the phone room, Meryl dialed an all too familiar number.

"Knives I need you to get over here RIGHT now! ………I DON'T CARE IF YOUR LACKEYS ARE AT YOUR HOUSE! ………I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE DISCUSSING WORLD DOMINATION! ………I DON'T CARE IF VASH IS HANGING OUTSIDE YOUR TWO-STORY BATHROOM WINDOW IN JUST HIS BOXERS AND MIDVALLEY IS POKING HIM WITH A PLUNGER! **JUST GET OVER HERE!**" Meryl slammed the phone down, sighing and turned back to the front room.

"DID YOU JUST CALL ME STUPID!?" Nick shouted, pushing Demonte off of him and swinging back up to his feet. "WELL YOU'RE STUPID STUPID! YOU'RE STUPID STUPID DEMONTE!"

"SHUT UP YOU HALF-BRAINED DEMONIC LOSER!" Suddenly, the comebacks had stooped to the level of a seven-year old. "YOU GOT YOUR LAST COMEBACK FROM A QUOTE OFF OF XENOSAGA!"

"DEMONIC!?" Nick had been insulted. "WHY I OUTTA…" In the fury of Nick's temper tantrum, Nick began to throw everything (including the kitchen sink) at Demonte.

Suddenly, the door opened (followed by endless amounts of fog and 1963 Dracula music) and Knives stepped into view, the Gung-Ho Guns following closely behind. All fighting ceased, as the commotion drifted to a halt.

Knives rose his arms into the arm and bellowed "I HAVE ARRIVED!"

Demonte and Nick blinked momentarily and then…

"AND YOUR HAIR SMELLS TOO!" Demonte started.

"WHAT!? WELL YOU DON'T HAVE ANY FINGERNAILS!" Nick retorted.

Knives dropped his hands, his ego bruised.

"ANIME MALE CHARACTERS AREN'T **SUPPOSED** TO HAVE FINGERNAILS!"

"SAYS WHO THAT YOU'RE EVEN ANIME!? THE CREATOR OF THIS STORY JUST ADDED YOU IN BECAUSE YOU'RE A MAJOR CHARACTER IN ANOTHER ONE OF HER MULTI-CHAPTER STORIES!"

Demonte flared. "Oh…That DOES it…"

"SILENCE FOR THE MASTER!" Legato stepped inside. Demonte and Nick stopped quarreling.

"Thank you, Legato." Knives smirked.

"Not YOU," Legato withdrew The Great One from inside of his coat. "O' Great One, do you desire for me to liquidate these monsters?" Legato shook the ball up and down as Knives growled.

"YOU IDIOT! YOU HAVE ONLY ONE MASTER TO SERVE AND THAT'S ME!" Knives swatted the Magic 8 Ball from Legato's hand and it rolled out the door.

"OMG NO!" Legato shrieked as he went to retrieve the ball. "MASTER! I'M COMING!"

Knives breathed in deeply as Midvalley rushed to his Master's aid and began to play his Saxophone, Sylvia, sweetly.

"Thank you Midvalley," Knives said. "I feel happy now."

Meryl entered the room, and nearly cried at the sight of her front room. "WHY!?"

When six o'clock came, Demonte drove Nick and Meryl to the party in silence. Of course, anyone could see that he was STILL perturbed over the loss of his house. 'Well,' he thought to himself, 'at least I still have my car.' 

Suddenly…the car died.

"…" Came everyone's response.

"What happened?" Meryl dared to ask.

"…There's no gas left." Demonte said.

"I don't understand!" Meryl held her head in her hands. "Didn't you have a full tank of gas earlier today?"

"Yeah," Demonte pulled the keys from the ignition.

"Ohhhh," Nick said. "The GAS."

"Yes, Nick, the gas," Demonte turned to look at him. "What about it?"

"You see there's this toy car that Meryl's dad has that runs on REAL gas, but it didn't have any and then…"

"Well, that solves the gas shortage mystery." Meryl muttered.

"YOU STOLE THE GAS FROM MY CAR!?" Demonte roared.

"Well…in layman's terms…yeah." Nick nodded happily.

Meryl could see headlights in the rearview mirror and rolled down her window. A loud, obnoxious honking was heard and Meryl sighed.

"HEY! MOVE YOUR CAR!" Came the voice of Millions Knives.

"YEAH!" Knives' lackeys chimed in.

Demonte stepped out of the car and walked over to Knives' window. "Our car doesn't have any gas. Do you think that you could give us a ride?"

"What and just leave your car sitting in the middle of the road?" Knives asked as Meryl and Nick emerged from the car to join Demonte.

"Well…does anyone have a cell phone on them?" Demonte asked.

Suddenly, a semi-truck spinning out of control (which was engulfed in flames) came speeding down the street, took a turn for the worst and plummeted into Demonte's car, sending it into oblivion as both cars exploded and remained to be consumed in flames.

"…Nevermind." Demonte said irritably. "Guess I don't have a CAR anymore either."

"Can we have a ride now?" Meryl asked.

"Sure, get in." Knives smirked.

Meryl looked into the overly crowded car. "Where?"

"You can sit on MY lap, baby." Leonof patted his legs as Meryl cringed, disgusted.

"I'd rather ride in the trunk." She said.

"Just scoot over then!" Knives yelled in the backseat. "Make way for our newcomers!"

Everyone crowded into a corner as Nick, Meryl, and Demonte crammed into the back.

"So Milly invited you guys too?" Meryl asked.

"Yup." Zazie grinned. "Aren't we special?"

"OKAY!" Knives slammed his foot onto the gas pedal and swerved around the debris like a menace. The speedometer rose to 90 MPH as Meryl watched in horror.

"KNIVES!" She cried. "SLOW DOWN!"

"Nonsense!" Knives said. "I ALWAYS drive like this! I'm a GOOD driver."

Knives turned a corner sharply, tires squealing, and raced down the street.

"YOU GO MASTER!" All the Gung-Ho Guns cheered.

"Thank you, thank you," Knives laughed. "I AM THE BEST!"

Milly's house was approaching on the left.

"Now, watch my SUPER DUPER MUCHACHO SKILLZ!" Knives shifted into 5th gear and sped for the house. And, yes, Knives is allowed to spell 'skills' wrong.

Then the brakes went out. And Knives couldn't stop the car at 100 MPH. So guess what happened next.

"OMG A FIRE HYDRANT!" Everyone panicked as Knives attempted to stop the car, but to no avail.

The car slammed into the fire hydrant, plowing over it, and went sailing into a neighbor's yard. The car then crashed through the house and abolished everything that had been in that house. It was sent clear through the other side of the house and back onto the street. Then it crashed into a tree, and the tree fell down, crushing an innocent civilian out for a walk.

Still, the car sped on until it came to the city's docks.

"WE'RE GONNA DIE!" Meryl screamed.

"Oh relax," Knives said nonchalantly. "This car is indestructible."

Simultaneously, the car landed in the ocean.

"See?" Knives said and then spotted the window that had been left down on his side. "HEY!" He struggled to roll up the window, but the handle broke off. "MAN! I knew I should've bought the car with the automatic buttons!"

"I hate you Knives," Meryl growled as the water continued to pour into the car and Knives tried to block it with his body, not succeeding very well. "Now we're in the ocean."

"Don't worry," Knives said. "I have everything under control."

"At this rate, we're going to sink to the bottom of the ocean, where all the sharks and stingrays and other sorts of unhappy fish lay." Nick said.

"Geez, you know how to make us all feel better," Demonte said. "First you set fire to my house, then you steal my gas, and you do other horrible things…"

"I always thought that it was Vash who caused all the problems." Meryl said. "Maybe I should change your name to Nick the Stampede." Meryl unlocked the door and proceeded to open it.

"HEY!" Knives yelled into the backseat. "What are you doing!?"

"Swimming to the top," Meryl said as she opened the door. "You'd better do the same too."

Water poured into the car as Meryl unlatched her seatbelt and swam for the top. Upon emerging to the surface, she looked around and watched as Nick and Demonte came up shortly after.

"Where are the others?" Demonte asked.

Meryl climbed onto the dock. "Who cares. Let's go to Milly's."

"What!?" Nick screeched. "We can't do that! If they're dead, then they at least deserve a eulogy!"

Nick was interrupted by the surfacing of the Gung-Ho Guns and (low and behold) Knives.

"Glad you could make it," Meryl said.

"I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT!" Knives wailed. "I'M A GREAT DRIVER! HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN!?" Everyone climbed onto the dock. "I'm going to call someone to help me tow my car out of the ocean!" Suddenly (and unexpectedly) a large explosion came up from underneath the water.

"Well, there goes your car, Knives." Meryl said.

Knives clenched his fists and began to seethe.

"No Master!" Midvalley began to play his saxophone…horribly. Water spurted from inside of the saxophone, resulting in a horrendous song.

"MIDVALLEY!" Knives roared. "I NEED GOOD MUSIC! NOT THAT FILTHY PIECE OF—"

"O…KAY!" Demonte broke in between the two and looked at Knives. "Don't we have a party to get to?"

So…everyone WALKED back to Milly's house…soaking wet.

"Meryl!" Milly clutched her friend by the shoulders. "What happened!? You're all wet!"

"Nothing, except that Knives crashed us all into the ocean." Meryl said.

"Oh, well if that's all…"

Meryl growled. Milly could be so dense sometimes.

"Who else is here?" Meryl asked, changing the subject.

"Oh, well some of my other friends, and Vash and Melissa showed up."

Meryl felt her good mood sent down the toilet. "Great."

On cue, Vash and Melissa walked in, Vash's arm around Melissa's waist.

"Hello everyone, glad to see that you could make it." Vash paused. "Knives where's the car?"

"There IS no CAR!" Knives stomped into the house, pushing past Vash, and towards the bathroom. Water spurted from inside of his squeaking shoes.

"I have reason to believe that the Master is displeased…" E.G. Mine (Which really stood for Ernie Gordon Mine of the Mine family) said.

Meryl stared at him, stupidly. "No, really? How long did it take you to figure that out?"

"Everyone, please come inside!" Milly beckoned. "I decided to hold the party out in the backyard."

"And it's a good thing you did…" Meryl said as she and everyone else walked in.

Milly looked back at Nick, who was still standing in the doorway. "Um…Nick?" Milly asked.

For some odd reason, Nick had a very serious look on his face. "Milly, I must talk to you…" Nick pulled her outside and closed the door behind them.

Milly obliged, although quite confused. "What is it, Nick?"

Grasping Milly's shoulders, he leaned down closer. "Milly…I love you…I've loved you ever since I met you back in the 6th grade, when you moved to Gunsmoke." Milly had never seen Nick so serious before. "Will you go out with me?"

Suddenly, the scenery turned into a Brad/Jessica scene from Trigun (Yes, the scene where she turned him down) with the horrible looking colors in the background that had looked like a small child had painted it.

"I'm sorry Nick, I'm going to marry Big Slash Great Joe! (AKA Big/Great Joe)" Milly chirped.

"NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" Nick screamed (Brad style) as he held his hands up to the Heavens.

"JOE! JOE! JOE!" Rang throughout Nick's mind.

Meanwhile, in the backyard…

"Wow, these are delicious!" Meryl said as she reached for another sushi roll. "Try some Demonte!"

Demonte took one from her hand and plopped it into his mouth. "You're right! These are great! Are you sure Milly was left behind for burning dinner?"

On the other side of the yard, a very unpleased Vash was spying on the duo. Melissa had gone off to talk with her own friends, leaving Vash alone.

"Why I outta…" Vash growled, as his fists clenched together. "I'm going to rip his heart from his chest and…" Vash stopped. "Okay Vash, you're thinking bad thoughts here. What would Rem say…?" Vash paused and then the anger returned. "I DON'T CARE! I'M GOING TO CAUSE HIM **VERY MUCH INTENDED HARM!**"

Everyone stopped having fun to stare at Vash. He stopped, embarrassed and laughed, sidestepping away.

Suddenly, Nick approached Vash from behind, anime tears flooding down his grief-stricken face.

"Nick, what's wrong?" Vash asked.

"NOTHING." Nick said, his bottom lip trembling. "NOTHING AT…ALL." Then Nick's attention diverted to a couple—Milly and the so-called Big Slash Great Joe.

"Nick…is that another man I see Milly with?"

"YES." Nick snapped his head back to Vash, his wide eyes scaring Vash. "SO WHAT IF IT IS?"

"Nick…why is your expression not changing…and why are there anime tears falling down your face?"

"NO REASON." Nick said, turning his head back to Milly and Big Slash Great Joe. "EXCEPT FOR THE FACT THAT MILLY IS GOING TO MARRY BIG SLASH GREAT JOE."

"Nick…she's only eighteen. I doubt she's going to marry this early in her life."

"IT'S TRUE. SHE EVEN SAID SO."

"Okay Nick, now your tone is starting to scare me. You're talking in all capitals, yet you aren't even raising your voice. And there's STILL anime tears falling down your face."

"MILLY DOESN'T LOVE ME. I WANT TO DIE."

"Okay Nick, now that's a bit rash…"

"WHERE'S A SPOOL OF THREAD? I'M GOING TO A MAKE NOOSE FOR MYSELF."

"Nick get a hold of yourself!" Vash grabbed Nick's shoulders and began to shake him violently.

"NO VASH. DON'T TRY TO TALK ME OUT OF IT."

Back to Meryl and Demonte, the two had seen the commotion between Nick and Vash.

"What's going on between them?" Meryl asked.

"I don't know but it doesn't look good." Demonte began to jog towards Vash and Nick.

"NO. I DON'T WANT TO LIVE ANYMORE. MY LIFE IS RUINED." Nick said.

"Nick!" Meryl slapped Nick across the face. "Snap out of it!"

Unfortunately, Nick fell unconscious.

"Or you could just stay like that too…" Meryl said and looked up at Vash. "What's wrong with him?"

"I have no idea," Vash said honestly. "He mentioned something about Milly and some guy named Big Slash Great Joe, but…"

Meryl turned in Milly's direction and gasped. "THAT'S WHAT NICK IS SO UPSET ABOUT!"

"Come on, Meryl," Demonte said, grabbing her arm. "Let's go and talk with Milly."

The two ran off in her direction, much to Vash's protesting. "But Meryl…" He whimpered, and then anger flared in his eyes. "I'M GOING TO LIQUIDATE THAT COCKY-EYED, FOUL, EVIL…"

"Hey Vash," Melissa walked up.

"Oh, hi."

Meanwhile, Knives was trying his own cards at getting a girlfriend.

"Girls can't resist me," He said to himself conceitedly. He spotted a cute redhead talking to another girl nearby. "Now is my chance!"

He smoothly advanced towards the girl, running a hand through his hair. "Excuse me, pretty lady?"

But instead of the pretty lady turning around, her FRIEND turned. Knives' face paled. The woman was HIDEOUS! She weighed 280 pounds and wore too much make-up and a hefty mole with hair protruding from it hung on her bottom lip. She was busting out of her large pink dress and her teeth were either gone or rotting.

"Yeah babe?" The woman spoke in a deep voice. "Hey…!" She grinned. "You're kinda cute! Why don't we go somewhere and get to KNOW each other better, eh?"

Knives gasped as he backed away. Then he turned and began to run away.

"HEY!" The woman called after him. "DON'T BE THAT WAY! COME ON! MAMA'S GOT SOME SUGAR SHE WANTS TO SHARE WITH YA!"

"NO! HELP ME!" Knives shrieked as he ran away.

The rest of the Gung-Ho Guns sat around the table eating chicken thighs, and watched their fearless leader run around the yard screaming.

"Dominique, could you pass the mustard?" Sven asked.

"You put MUSTARD on your chicken?" Dominique asked with disgust.

Meanwhile…

"All right, we have them," Came an evil voice. "We saw a kid with black hair go in there…"

"Are you a moron!? There are ZILLIONS of people with black hair in the city!" Came another voice.

"I know, but this boy was acting…peculiar…"

The second man sighed. "Whatever, let's just have a look, shall we?"

Both men exited their cars and walked up to the doorstep of an all too familiar house—Milly's house. The two were dressed in FBI suits with dark sunglasses. The taller man was bald while the shorter had bushy green hair.

"All right," The bald man said. "Knock."

The shorter man knocked on the door and was greeted by Gray Sneerge (A.k.a. Gray the Ninelives). He grinned immediately when he saw the two. "HEY! I didn't know that this was a Halloween party too! WOW! The Men in Black are here!"

"Yeah, yeah, kid," The shorter man shoved Gray into a nearby closet and locked it.

The two men stomped into the backyard and the music came to abrupt stop. All heads were focused on the two FBI looking guys.

"Hello kiddies, are your mommies and daddies home?" The shorter man asked in a child-like voice.

"We don't live in shelters, you know," Dominique rolled her eyes.

"Ahem," The shorter man coughed. "Absolutely." He turned to look back at his partner. "The parents aren't home." Turning back to the kids he said, "Children, how would you like it if I called the cops on all of you?"

"For what?" One boy asked.

"Disturbing the peace," The bald man answered. Everyone's faces went blank.

"What?" They all asked.

"I should call all of your parents right now…"

From in the back of the crowd, Demonte shifted uneasily.

"WAIT!" Vash stepped forward. "You can call any number you like…" Vash received many 'boos' and nasty glares at that comment. "But not area code (645) 323-6579!"

"Hmm, I think I'll call that number now!" The short man laughed.

"Whose number is that?" Demonte whispered to Meryl.

Meryl's eyes widened as she dropped her head into her hands. "Nick's…" She mumbled.

"Yes, hello," The short man greeted the person on the other line. "I am at 3708 July Road, second house on the right, pink fence, Jacuzzi in the back, and I'm calling because I need you to come STRAIGHT over! Your kid is doing UNCLEANLY THINGS!"

"**WHAT!?**" Came the response from the phone. It came so loudly that the short man had to pull the phone away from his ear. "**@#$^%#^# GET IN THE CAR @%^@^%$!!!!!**" And followed by much more swearing…

"Well," The short man clicked the phone off. "I wonder what HER problem is."

Minutes later a black Sudan pulled up in front of Milly's house and two figures stormed into the backyard.

"Oh no…" Meryl's face paled. Standing there was Joseph and Maryann Wolfwood.

"What seems to be the problem?" Maryann asked, frightened.

The two men, unsure of what to say, looked at each other and the short man said, "Does…ANYTHING look familiar to you?"

"Why…" Joseph looked around and gasped. "NICHOLAS!" Joseph dashed for his unconscious son. "HE IS ALIVE! PRAISE THE LORD!"

"Good Heavens! Nick is unconscious! Therefore…HE MUST'VE BEEN DOING DRUGS!"

"What!?" Came the reply from Meryl and Demonte.

"Oh son," Joseph comforted his 'poor' son. "The gnomes at the circus must have been too much for you to handle! Do not worry, I will get you the PROPER HELP!"

"Our son is unholy!" Maryann wailed. "He must go in for counseling right away!" She turned to the two men and grasped their hands. "You must be angels from Heaven! Thank you for saving my poor vulnerable son!"

"…Anytime…" They both answered.

Maryann and Joseph hastily retreated out the door and the two men looked at each other.

"THEY'VE GOT OUR CONVICT!" And they, too, rushed for the door.

"What was that all about?" Meryl asked. She turned to see the serious look on Demonte's face. "Demonte?"

"Let's get out of here…"

"Demo—"

"NOW!" Demonte grabbed Meryl's arm and they both jumped the back fence.

From across the yard, Vash and Melissa had been staring after them.

"Aw, how romantic! Two lovers making a daring escape to flee danger…" Melissa snapped out of her dream world and smacked Vash. "Why can't you ever be that romantic, Vash!?"

Vash seethed as he watched the fence that the two had jumped. "This means war…" He said with ABSOLUTE jealousy.

"HEY! I AM NOT JEALOUS!" Vash shouted to the sky.

(Cough, cough)

And so, Knives spent the rest of the night being chased by his newfound 'woman' and Milly was with Big Slash Great Joe and the unconscious Nick was currently being accused of drug usage. And who are these new FBI looking…dudes? And…what has Demonte so paranoid? I don't know I'm asking you. Foreboding on the next chapter…

ALEX COMES HOME TO REM!?

Wait, wasn't he dead?

Find out in the next episode…

ALEXANDER THE CHEAT! (Lol, get it? Alexander the Great, Alexander the Cheat? …Whatever. -_- Blah.)


	7. Alexander The Cheat

Disclaimer: Don't own Trigun or any of that other good stuff except the story. OH! And I DON'T own Cowboy Bebop's Spike or Jet.

Just had to do that for you, Luminik. It was also her idea about Mr. Finch, cause I totally forgot that I made Mrs. Finch a Mrs. ^_^ ' heh, heh. THANKS TO ALL MY DEVOTED READERS! You know I love ya!

****

Hunting For The Elusive Mayfly Known As Love…Not

Chapter Seven

Alexander The Cheat

Meryl pulled away from Demonte's grasp as soon as they were away from the party.

"Demonte," She pressed. "For the last time, would you please tell me just what is going on!?"

Demonte stood silently, his back facing away from Meryl.

"Those men…are very dangerous Meryl." Turning back to face her with cold eyes he continued. "Promise me you'll never go around them…ever."

"But Demont––"

"Promise me!"

Meryl sighed. "I promise."

"Good…" Demonte lowered his head. "Now…I wonder what's going to happen to poor Nick."

"I don't know…" Meryl answered honestly. "It's not going to be good though…"

Both stood there for a moment longer in silence.

"Do you want me to walk you home?" Demonte asked.

"Well, CURRENTLY you don't have anywhere to live either so…I'm sure that you and your Grandfather, Carl, can stay as long as you'd both like."

"Okay," Demonte shrugged. "You win."

The next morning, Sunday, Meryl was rudely awakened by her phone.

"Now WHAT!?" She screamed as she yanked the phone away from the receiver. "WHAT THE H––"

"Meryl!" Came a panicked voice.

Meryl blinked before clearly recognizing it.

"Vash!?" She spat into the phone. "Why I outta…!"

"You have to get to my house and FAST!" Vash pleaded. "Please!?"

"Why don't you just get your girlfriend to do it?" Meryl's brows knitted together.

"Because!" Vash hissed through gritted teeth. "I don't want her to see this horrible mess!"

"Oh, but it's okay for me?"

"Well…you're not TECHNICALLY human…" Meryl's teeth began to grind together. "And you ARE pretty heartless…" The blood began to drain from Meryl's clenched fist. "But that's not the point. You just need to get over here, NOW!"

And with that, Vash hung up.

"YOU SELF-ABSORBED JERK O––"

"Meryl?" Demonte stood in the doorway of Meryl's room. "I heard yelling and obscenities. I'm almost afraid to ask, but…Are you all right?"

Meryl sighed. "Vash just called. He wants me to get over to his house as soon as possible."

"What for?"

"Who knows? Care to join me?"

Demonte blew the loose strands of black hair from his face. "Sure? Why not?"

"Great. I'll meet you outside in ten minutes." Meryl told him as she closed the door and proceeded to change into something more appropriate.

Downstairs, Meryl gazed upon Demonte's sleeping Grandfather, who was resting in their brown recliner in the corner of the room.

"Oh Meryl!" Meryl's mother trotted into the front room. "I heard about Nick. Such trouble that boy is…"

"Mom…Nick is NOT a drug attic."

"And the Gnomes…"

"Mom…Nick was never kidnapped by the circus."

"But anyway…Nick is being shipped off somewhere north for counseling."

Meryl's eyes widened. "W-WHAT!?"

"It's true darling. He's going to be shipped off later on today."

"Awww man!" Meryl curled into a ball on the floor.

"Shhh! Darling! You'll wake up Carlton!"

"His name's 'Carl', mom." Meryl said from between her knees.

"Right dear. Oh and your father and dear old Carlton are going to try to find a house for your friend Demonte and Carl. But you tell them that they're welcome here for as long as they'd like."

"Yes mom." Meryl's words were absorbed into her knees.

"Ready," Demonte descended the stairs, dressed in a black tank top and black baggy pants. "Sorry about having to use these old clothes, Mrs. Stryfe. I presume that they belong to a sibling of Meryl's?"

"Oh no," Meryl's mother shook her head. "Meryl's an only child, but I thought that the clothes were just so cute and they were on sale and…"

"But you don't have a son…?" Demonte inquired.

"Of course not." Meryl's mother laughed.

Demonte nearly facefaulted. "I…see…A parent who just buys random clothing for whomever…Nice."

"Come on Demonte," Meryl stood up and dusted off her maroon shorts and white T-shirt. "We'd better go see what the Broom-Head wants."

"Oh you're going to visit the Saverems?" Meryl's mother asked.

"Yes, mom," Meryl replied as she stepped outside the door. "He made it sound very urgent."

"Have fun!" Mrs. Stryfe waved as Demonte closed the door.

"I WOULD drive us there, but as you've noticed," Demonte gestured. "I don't have a CAR anymore."

"Don't worry about it," Meryl said hastily. "He only lives 4 blocks away from me anyway."

Demonte noticed the tension in her voice. "Hey, what's wrong?"

"Nick's parents are sending him off to some counseling school up north."

"What!?" Demonte shrieked.

"Yeah," Meryl said. "He leaves today. We need to get to Vash's and then leave as soon as possible for Nick's."

"Geez, I didn't think that doing this would get him into so much trouble. Do you want me to go to Vash's house instead and you go to Nick's?"

Meryl stopped and then smiled. "That's a SPECTACULAR idea! Just don't tell Vash that I bailed out on him or what's going on with Nick, okay?"

"Leave it to me," Demonte said. "I'll take care of whatever problem Vash has, pronto."

"Thanks Demonte!" Meryl said. "Oh, keep going up three more streets, turn left and his house is the second house down on the right. Trust me, you'll be able to recognize it instantly."

"Why? What's there?" Demonte asked.

"A HUGE sign, hand carved by Knives. Remember that game, hangman?" Demonte nodded. "Good. Now you'll know how to find their house."

"Knives isn't a very passive person, is he?"

"You saw him last night, Demonte. You should know. Anyway, you get over there as soon as possible and I'll get to Nick's, okay?"

Demonte found the house (no problemo…gee, wonder why?) easily and proceeded to the front. He knocked on the door and waited for a response. The door swung open, abruptly.

"We don't do charity, don't give to the needy, don't give money, we don't like door-to-door salesmen and we CERTAINLY don't like…kids with black hair." Knives paused. "What do you want, Kalabis?"

"Um, Vash called earlier and he said that he had a problem…"

"Yeah, we ALL do." Knives said. "Unfortunately for us, Rem's deadbeat boyfriend has made an appearance."

"So…that's the problem?"

"Yes."

"Knives, can I step inside? I need to speak with Vash."

"I wouldn't do that, if I were you, just as a precaution."

"Why not?"

"He's not too fond of people who try to push their way into the lives of 'OTHERS'…if you know what I mean."

"It's too early for riddles, Knives."

"In other words, he called for Meryl, Kalabis. NOT you. Not trying to be mean (cough cough) or anything, but you are definitely not one of his favorite people. And I'm only telling you this because I've never seen Vash so into curses and voodoo dolls, etc."

Demonte blinked.

"Can I come in now?"

"Okay," Knives shrugged. "It's your funeral."

"Who is it Knives!?" Demonte heard Vash call out from the other room.

"It's Meryl's boyfriend, that's who!"

"Gee, no wonder Vash hates me." Demonte glared at Knives, who led Demonte into the front room.

All at once, Demonte could hear stomping from another room and Vash emerged through the door to the kitchen, taking the door off the hinges as he stormed through.

"WHAT!?" Vash roared and then silenced as soon as he saw Demonte. "Where's Meryl?" Vash asked, somewhat coldly.

"She's busy," Demonte replied nonchalantly. "She's had a rough night."

"Yeah," Vash snorted, picturing Meryl at home in her bed, wearing nothing but her undergarments. "I'll bet she has."

"So I came in her place."

"Oh…_Really?_" Vash's eyes narrowed.

"What seems to be the problem, Vash?"

"Oh NOTHING. NOTHING at ALL. It's all been resolved."

Footsteps descended the stairs above Demonte and he looked up to see a woman in blue jeans, a white shirt, and flowing raven hair.

"Who's here, Knives?" The woman asked.

"Rem," Knives started. "This is Demonte Kalabis, not like I care." Knives snickered. "He's Vash's friend."

"HARDLY!" Vash pounded his fist on the table, succeeding in breaking the table in half.

"Vash!" Rem cried. "Not while Alex is here!"

Vash pouted as Knives snickered even harder. Rem turned to Demonte and patted him on the shoulder.

"It's a pleasure to meet you Demonte. I'm sure that Vash and Knives are very honored to have someone like you as a friend."

Vash and Knives both coughed and cleared their throats.

"Thank you Miss Saverem…" Demonte pretended to ignore the remarks made by Vash and Knives. "They are BOTH wonderful people." He struggled to get the last part out.

Rem smiled. "Well now, Vash, Knives, wasn't that sweet?"

"Uh…uy..yea..h..s..ur…e," The two muttered incoherently.

"Rem?" Everyone looked up to see a man with brown hair, his hairstyle very much like Vash's, in a business suit.

"Oh my!" Rem smiled. "Demonte this is my fiancée, Alex. Alex, this is one of the boys' friends, Demonte…"

"Kalabis." Demonte finished. "Pleased to meet you, Alex."

"You SHOULD be pleased to meet me." Alex replied snobbishly and Demonte gritted his teeth. Why was everyone acting like jerks?

"Rem, have you forgotten your place?" Alex asked.

"Oh no, I'm sorry Alex." Rem excused herself and ran back up the stairs.

Knives and Vash snarled.

"Finally, I see something that you two can agree on." Demonte crossed his arms. "And even myself as well. Alex sucks, doesn't he?"

Vash snorted in agreement.

"I shall command my band of Gung-Ho Guns to liquidate that ork." Knives growled. "Rem is always at his beckon call and she never has time to wait on me hand and foot!"

"He just treats her horribly." Vash commented as he slouched over in the chair he was sitting in.

"When did he get here?" Demonte asked.

"Last night." The twins said in unison.

"There has to be a way to get rid of him…" Demonte said. "…But how?"

"See Spike!? I told you that it was a horrible ground-plan!" Jet Black screamed at his partner, as they remained dormant in their car parked outside the Wolfwood residence. "What kind of people in their right minds would play the role of scratch-and-sniff condom businessmen in order to get into a private residence!?"

"Oh hush, Jet. It was a WONDERFUL plan until you began to scratch and sniff the condoms yourself." 

"They were CHERRY flavored!" Jet protested.

"Are you telling me that you ATE them too!?" Jet reached for the seatbelt. "Just kidding," Spike Spiegel said hastily and then gestured to the open window. "We'll climb inside."

"Yeah? That's your plan? Just like your horrible plan last night about calling the parents of those kids? This one family here is crazy!"

"Hey, Hey!" Spike said, obviously offended. "Don't be dissing on Spike Spiegel. I'll just find a NEW plan."

Jet's eyes narrowed. "Sure."

Just then, Meryl came running up the driveway.

"Hey Spike!"

"Yeah, Jet?"

"Do you see…what I see?"

Spike grinned. "Perfect…"

Meryl pounded on the door and Maryann opened it, crying into a handkerchief.

"Yes?" Mrs. Wolfwood sobbed.

"Mrs. Wolfwood!" Meryl cried. "About Nick, I…!"

"Yes, Nicholas…" The woman sobbed. "Nicholas is gone."

Meryl paused as horror seized her.

"W-What…?" Meryl's voice broke.

"It's true," Joseph walked over and comforted his grieving wife. "Nicholas has left today for counseling."

Meryl suddenly became unstable.

"We just couldn't put up with his trauma over some girl named 'Milly' and his drug addiction." Maryann sobbed.

"And the Gnomes!" Joseph wailed.

Meryl stumbled backwards. "B-But Nick was never a drug attic! He never encountered Gnomes! H––"

"Oh what would you know!?" Maryann snapped. "Nicholas is never coming back either! He will grow up to be on welfare and never become a devoted priest to His Holiness!"

'No…' Meryl shook her head. 'This isn't happening…I'm…too late?'

"Adoption happens to the best of us…" Joseph said. "May Nicholas rest in peace…" Joseph shut the door in Meryl's face as she stood there, unmoving.

"Did you get that, Spike!?" Jet asked from inside their car.

"Great…there goes suspect one." Spike sighed. "The Boss WON'T be happy."

"Let's go." Jet started the ignition and accelerated the car. The car took off down the street.

Meryl walked slowly to Vash's house to pick up Demonte, her shoulders slumped over as her hair hung in her face. She stopped as she heard the Saverem's front door open and a familiar voice broke through.

"Yeah, well, thanks for your hospitality!" Demonte yelled back inside, sarcastically. He paused as he saw the melancholy Meryl standing in the driveway. "Meryl, what's wrong?" He asked, concerned.

He rushed to her side and she looked up, slowly. Then, as though she could hold it in no longer, she burst out into sobs and tears and threw herself in Demonte's arms.

"N-Nick's gone!" She cried in between sobs. "A-And h-he's never…never coming b-back…!"

Demonte, in shock, slowly wrapped his arms around Meryl.

"Meryl…I'm sorry. I know he was your best friend…"

"If only I h-had gotten there sooner…" She sniffed, clutching Demonte tighter. "Now…I-I'll never see him again…"

Demonte rubbed her back soothingly. "It's not your fault," He said. "And you will see Nick again. I promise you will."

From inside the Saverem household…

Knives and Vash were peeking out the window as Meryl wept in Demonte's arms. Vash's eyes narrowed as he felt his teeth grind together.

"Are you jealous, dear brother?" Knives asked, smiling.

"SHUT UP!" Vash raged. "THAT'S NOT IT AT ALL!" Vash turned away from the window.

Knives continued to stare at the two. "They get along so well, maybe they should…"

"They will NEVER go out! I will never let Meryl date that…that…"

"Careful, dear brother." Knives warned. "Rem IS upstairs and you would break her poor old heart if you said such things."

Vash stormed out of the room, rubbing his eyes as an unexplainable lump in his throat began to form.

"I am not jealous…I am not jealous…I am NOT jealous…" Vash repeated over and over again.

But he couldn't help but look out the window at the two. "What's he got that I don't?" 

The next day at school it was announced that Meryl's new science teacher would be Mr. Finch. He was wheeled in on his deathbed, held only on life-support as he breathed through his oxygen bag. The Doctor followed after and pointed a sturdy finger at the students.

"Make sure he doesn't overexert himself, children. He IS 98 this month after all."

"Thank you Doctor…" Mr. Finch said in a raspy voice.

"Allow me to adjust your bed, Mr. Finch." The Doctor said as he rose Mr. Finch's bed so that he was in a sitting position.

Meanwhile, Vash was sitting behind Demonte, wadding up a piece of paper. He looked around to make sure that no one was paying attention and then proceeded to chuck the paper at Demonte's head. Then he turned away, innocently.

Demonte growled as he turned around in his seat.

"Was that you, Saverem?" Demonte asked none too happy.

"Who? Me?" Vash shrugged as a halo of goodness materialized above his head. "Don't be accusing me of things!" Vash looked hurt as he clutched his chest.

Demonte turned back around and the Doctor and his half-dressed nurses departed from the room.

"Now class…" Mr. Finch spoke, and then exhaled deeply. "I assume you have heard about my wife but…"

"Legato didn't kill her!" Knives jumped to his feet. "Are you pointing fingers at innocent children Mr. Finch!?"

Mr. Finch's heart rate increased as Knives approached his deathbed. "I knew it. You are old! Therefore, you must be punished!" Knives grabbed Mr. Finch's pillow and pulled it out from underneath him.

Mr. Finch fell backwards and hit his head on the back of the desk.

"Knives!" Vash stood up. "Don't do this! Not again!"

Knives unplugged Mr. Finch's life-support and the monitor went blank.

"NO!" Vash cried.

"See Vash? Now everything that brought you and Rem together…is gone."

"But Master…the old one was not related to Rem." Legato pointed out.

Knives paused.

"I knew that."

Unexpectedly, Mr. Finch began to sit up in the bed and Knives stumbled backwards, astonished.

"He's alive!?" The children gasped.

Mr. Finch turned his head, his evil eyes shining on Knives as he reached down and grabbed Knives by the collar of his shirt.

"You little hooligans need to learn some manners." Mr. Finch pulled his arm off to the side and slammed Knives' face into the counter. Then, a bottle of pure peroxide toppled over and landed in Knives' hair. Too bad Knives was unconscious to realize that his once white hair was turning…VERY WHITE!

"AHHHH! IT'S TOO BRIGHT!" The children shouted as they shielded their eyes from Knives' hair.

Mr. Finch jumped off of his bed and kicked his deathbed into a wall.

"That is one strong old guy…" Meryl heard Demonte whisper.

"YOU!" Mr. Finch pointed to Vash.

"Me?" Vash asked.

"Come here!" Vash meekly obliged. Grinning, Mr. Finch grabbed a science textbook from off a student's desk and slammed it into Vash's face.

Vash crumpled to the ground, clutching his face as Demonte and Meryl stood up quickly.

"AHAHA!" Mr. Finch laughed evilly as he began to dance around the room. He stopped at Legato's desk and looked down upon him.

"Yes?" Legato asked.

Mr. Finch snatched away Legato's backpack and chucked it against a nearby wall.

"NO!" Legato cried as he rushed to his backpack and opened it up, withdrawing The Great One. "Master…" Legato's bottom lip trembled. The Great One had been cracked in half, the water leaking from inside. One final message appeared before The Great One died.

__

L-Legato…K-Kill…H-H…im…

Legato's eyes darkened as he looked up. Mr. Finch had grabbed another student's backpack and kicked it out the door.

"Why do you choose to end your life so suddenly?" Legato asked as he stood up.

"You want more, PUNK!?" Mr. Finch snarled.

"Well…thank you for volunteering." Legato twisted his wrist and Mr. Finch's arms began to pull backwards and snap in half.

"W-What's going on!?" Mr. Finch screamed.

Suddenly, Mr. Finch's body contracted and tore apart, his organs falling from inside of his body. His face split upwards, tearing through his skull and allowing his brain to slide down his face. Legato leapt forward and thrust a hand into Mr. Finch's body, retrieving his heart and pulling it out. Laughing maniacally, Legato bit into the heart, ripping his heart in half and grinding the muscle in between his teeth, savoring the flavor as he rolled his tongue over the muscle. Dark, rich blood spilled from his mouth like a fountain as he swallowed the heart. Then Legato smeared the blood all over his face like war paint. Licking his bloodstained lips in satisfaction, Legato turned to hunt new prey.

Meryl dashed from the science room, intending to call the police.

Oh…where was Nick when you need a eulogy?

Then Meryl's eyes saddened.

She had just remembered that Nick was never coming back.

Ahhh! I'm sorry that this chapter wasn't entirely funny and I'm sorry that Nick is gone… (Avoids the tomatoes being thrown) It's for the best…for now. (grin) ^_^ PLEASE R&R!

BLD


	8. Holiday Bash

Disclaimer: I don't own Trigun or Mr. Buttsavage from the show 'Doug'.

A/N: This is a long chapter lol, I should've made it into two parts but oh well. Enjoy.

****

Hunting For The Elusive Mayfly Known As Love…Not

****

Chapter Eight

Holiday Bash

Three months had passed since Nick's departure, although time hadn't seemed to console Meryl well enough to forget it. It was the last day of school before Christmas Break, and the school had decided upon a dance and a play.

Over the past three months, Carl and Demonte had been observing houses to buy, but they either lacked 'prettiness' or space. So they had remained at Meryl's house since then. For some odd reason (one that Meryl couldn't figure) she had often seen a familiar blue Sudan outside of her house and…were those two evil eyes staring back at her? Surely…that wasn't the Saverem's car was it? Since Meryl didn't know, she did the next best thing.

She closed the curtains.

So on Friday, Meryl's father drove her and Demonte to school. She preoccupied her time with what was going on outside the car window. It had begun to snow and the flakes were sticking to the ground, as well as the car windows.

"Isn't it great, Honey?" Meryl's father marveled at the snow as he adjusted the Santa hat on his head. Of course HE'D be into the Christmas Spirit. "Only a few more hours and you'll have two weeks all to yourself."

"You should try to cheer up more, Meryl," Demonte told her. "It's not wise to stress yourself so much. Especially at Christmas."

"Yeah," Meryl muttered, her voice barely audible.

"Oh now, Dear," Meryl's father gave one of his cheesy grins. "I know you miss Nick, but it's time to come out of your depression and open up and smell the fresh air!" Meryl's father rolled down the window and stuck his head outside. He was bombarded with snow as he slowly began to weave into the next lane.

"Dad!" Meryl panicked as she jumped up in her seat. "Get your head back in the car!"

"Nonsense," Meryl's father said. "It's a perfect day to drive with your head outside the window." Meryl could spot an on-coming Diesel.

"Mr. Stryfe!" Demonte leaned into the front seat and groped for the steering wheel. "Give me the steering wheel!"

The Diesel honked and swerved around the car, succeeding in only spinning out and crashing into a nearby Gas Station. The building combusted and people ran from the store, trying to extinguish the fire from their bodies.

"Now, now, Demonte," Mr. Stryfe inhaled deeply as the car continued off the road and through an innocent civilian's yard. "Don't you know how dangerous it is to grab someone else's steering wheel? You could cause a wreck." Mr. Stryfe swatted away Demonte's hand.

The car continued forward through the yard, destroying tables, gardens, and fences. A completely random person was crossing at the crosswalk until the Stryfes' car sped forward and caught the pedestrian in the bumper, pulling him under the car and the tires. The pedestrian wailed as the car ran him over, tearing his limbs from his body.

Meryl sunk into her seat, gagging from the gruesome sight.

"Mr. Stryfe you just hit a pedestrian!" Demonte again reached for the steering wheel. "GIVE ME THE WHEEL!"

Collisions occurred as the Stryfes' car merged into the middle of both lanes and the cars swerved around their car, only to hit someone else.

"This is a disturbance in traffic!" Demonte yelled as he fought Mr. Stryfe for the wheel.

"All right already!" Mr. Stryfe pulled his head back into the car and pushed Demonte into the back seat. "I'm trying to make Meryl feel better, and you just keep ruining things."

"Dad…" Meryl said flatly. "A cop's following us."

"Really now?" Mr. Stryfe attempted to stick his head out the window again until Demonte grabbed his shoulders and pointed him in the direction of the rear-view mirror.

"They have mirrors so that you don't have to stick your head out the window, Mr. Stryfe."

"Hmmm, I wonder what he wants…" Mr. Stryfe glanced down at the speedometer. "I was going the speed limit…"

"I'm sure you were, Dad."

"What seems to be the problem, Officer?" Meryl's father asked as the cop peeked into the car.

The Cop was taken aback. "You mean you don't know?"

"I wasn't speeding, was I?" Mr. Stryfe asked, obviously oblivious to all of the destruction he had just caused.

"Oh no, no," The Cop said. "Actually I'm amazed that you stayed right at the speed limit while CAUSING MASSIVE DAMAGE TO THE CITY!"

Mr. Stryfe blinked. "Excuse me, am I missing something?"

Demonte and Meryl groaned from within the backseat.

"Do you have your Driver's License, Sir?"

"Why yes I do…" Mr. Stryfe began to fish in his pocket for the card. "Ah, here it is." He handed it to the Officer and he proceeded to check it over.

The Officer paused.

"Sir, are you aware that this license has expired?"

"So THAT'S what those little numbers meant!" Mr. Stryfe pounded his horn, as a deafening BONG blasted into the air. The Officer clutched his wounded ears. Then the Cop growled and stomped his foot.

"STEP OUT OF THE CAR!"

Mr. Stryfe proceeded to do so. The Officer stared Meryl's father down, as the Cop WAS a few inches taller.

"Am I in trouble, Officer?" Mr. Stryfe asked.

Irritation getting the better of him, the Cop swatted the Santa hat from Mr. Stryfe's head. It fell to the ground and the Officer proceeded to point a dictating finger at Mr. Stryfe.

"Are you a moron, Sir?"

"No, Officer, I don't think so."

Meryl buried her head in her hands.

"Sir, you don't realize that you have committed arson, murder, and massive damage on a grand scale? And to top it all off, you ran a red light."

Mr. Stryfe's face crumpled as tears welded in his eyes. "I ran a red light!?" He wailed. "I've NEVER done that before!"

"Dad, you should be more worried about the massive damage." Meryl poked her head out the window and the Officer observed Meryl and Demonte.

"AND!" The Officer continued. "You had children in the car! I'm afraid that this will be at _LEAST_ a 10-15 year mandatory, Sir. You are SO busted!"

Meryl arrived in Algebra an hour late and took her seat. Her new teacher, Mr. Buttsavage, stopped talking and stared at her with disgust.

"What's your excuse for being late, Stryfe?" Mr. Buttsavage asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

"My dad's in Solitary Confinement."

"Nice excuse, Stryfe. But it won't work on me." Mr. Buttsavage told her. "I don't care if it's Christmas. This is my one time to get revenge on one of you rotten little students for existing."

Mr. Buttsavage proceeded to call the Principal. Meryl could hear Knives snickering in the back of the class (his hair had miraculously lost the bleach color in it and was back to normal) and she rolled her eyes and then looked at Vash, who was glaring at her with evil eyes.

"What?" She asked.

"Oh, nothing. NOTHING." Vash hunched over, pretending to work on his math problems.

_Wonder what's got him all upset._ Meryl said to herself.

Meryl walked into the Principal's Office, surprised to see Demonte already there.

"Get kicked out of class?" Demonte asked.

"Yeah," Meryl answered.

"My English Teacher refused to believe that your father was put in _Solitary Confinement_." Demonte put emphasis on the words 'Solitary Confinement'.

"Same with me," Meryl took a seat next to Demonte. "Boy this is turning out to be a great day."

"Don't worry about it. It's minimum day and then there's the dance and play."

"And Christmas Break." Meryl added. "I'm not going to the play."

"Ditto, but I wouldn't mind the dance. You?"

"Well, everyone's going, although I don't really want to. But Milly insisted that I go."

"Oh yeah, isn't she dating that Joe character?" Demonte asked.

"Yeah. She is."

"Hmmm…Yeah, I'll probably go to the dance. Why don't you go with me? As an escort, not a date."

"Might be nice," Meryl said. "Sure, why not?"

"Good. I mean no offense about not taking you as a date or anything, but 1) We're just friends, and 2) Vash already has his priorities set about killing me. I wouldn't want that to interfere with the dance."

"Good enough for me. I see their car always sitting out across from our house in the street anyway."

Demonte laughed. "Meryl's got a stalker."

"Shut up," Meryl rolled her eyes. "I don't know why either of them would stalk me anyway. Vash has a girlfriend and Knives and I are always clashing head-to-head."

Meryl and Demonte were held in the Principal's Office until last period when Demonte and Meryl had cooking together. They walked to Ms. Jinkens' class and sat down just as the bell rang. Knives was at the table opposite of Meryl with Legato and Midvalley. Vash had seated himself with Melissa on the far table in the corner.

Vash shot Meryl and Demonte a fierce glare before looking away.

"Don't take it personally, Stryfe," Meryl turned in Knives' direction as he leaned over and whispered, "He just wants to kill your boyfriend there."

Meryl flared. "HE'S NOT MY BOYFRIEND!"

All eyes were on Meryl.

"Eh, heh…" She laughed nervously as she shrunk back into her chair.

"Now class," A fat woman stepped forward. Her hair was graying and her face was wrinkly and old. She straightened out her apron that clearly read 'Kiss The Cook'. "Today we will be making cherry pies for our Holiday Cheer! Now partner up in two's and three's and take a counter."

"Hi Meryl," Demonte said. "I'll save us a counter." Demonte stood up and Meryl began to stand as well.

She was instantly seated when a strong hand pushed her back into her seat. Meryl glanced up and saw Vash tower over her.

"What?" She asked.

"Are you REALLY going out with that Demonte kid?" Vash asked after a long pause.

"No, I'm NOT." Meryl said. "Who told you that? Knives, I assume?"

"No…" He said slowly.

"Vash stop being so serious. You're making me nervous. And why would you care anyway? You have Melissa."

Meryl attempted to stand again until Vash pushed her back into her seat.

"Are you going to the dance?" He asked.

"Yes I am," She said, becoming annoyed. "Can I stand up now?"

"With WHO?" Vash asked.

"Demonte's taking me as an es––"

"Kalabis!?" Vash's eyes narrowed. "I'm going to pound his face in and then…"

"Vash stop sexually harassing Kalabis' girl!" Knives shouted at his brother, a little TOO loudly.

Vash flushed and slowly stepped back, allowing Meryl to stand. She brushed past him and walked over to Demonte.

"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear Knives' comment." Demonte told her as he finished pouring the flour into the bowl.

"The same goes for me." Meryl said.

"What did Vash want?"

"What he always wants. To be annoying in hopes of driving me insane."

Meanwhile, Knives, Legato, and Midvalley were pouring in DOUBLE the amount of ingredients needed.

"Come on, Legato!" Knives ordered. "You're not working hard enough!"

"I'm sorry Master…" Legato said as he poured the entire package of flour into the bowl. "Ever since The Great One died…I just haven't been myself…"

"Well you'd better get it together!" Knives bellowed. "World Domination calls for GREAT LEADERS! Not some stupid wussies crying over a Magic 8 Ball."

Legato flared.

"WHAT…DID…YOU…SAY…?"

"STUPID…MAGIC…EIGHT…BALL…" Knives mocked Legato.

"Legato reached in for the goopy mess from within the bowl and chucked it at Knives, who ducked, and it wound up hitting Vash square in the back of the head.

Vash reached up slowly and pulled the mess from his hair. He turned around, fire in his eyes and glared at Demonte.

"So…he thinks that he can just TAKE Meryl AND hit me with dough!? I'll make him pay!" Vash reached into bowl, rolled the dough into a ball and threw it at Demonte.

The dough splattered all over Demonte's back and he turned around and stared at the culprit. Vash was already rolling another piece of dough into a ball. Demonte grabbed a pan and as Vash heaved another dough ball at him, Demonte hit the hall with the back of the pan, like a baseball.

Knives was busy laughing at Legato's lame attempt at throwing dough at him and hadn't noticed the next dough ball coming in his direction. He was hurled forward by the impact of the ball as it sprayed everywhere, attaching itself to his hair.

He whirled around, growling, and grabbed the jar of cherries that Midvalley was working with and reached deep inside. He began to chuck cherries at Demonte and Vash, who had both taken shelter behind the tables. The cherries bounced off the tables and hit other students in the face.

When the cherries had run out, Knives chucked the jar in a random direction and it hit Ms. Jinkens in the face. She went out like a lamp and fell to the ground.

"I'm going to kill you!" Vash yelled as he reached in for the last of the dough in his bowl and launched it at Demonte. Demonte ducked and it hit Meryl in the face instead. She yelled and tore the dough from her face. Vash couldn't help but laugh at her reddened face and Meryl stomped over to Vash as the entire room broke out into a food fight.

"Meryl…I didn't mean…" Vash began, trying hard not to laugh.

"SAVE IT!" She broke him off. "I NEVER WANT TO TALK TO YOU AGAIN!"

Vash stopped laughing.

"W-What?"

Meryl reached over and grabbed another student's dough bowl. She turned it upside down over Vash's head and watched as his entire face became covered with the dough.

Midvalley began to play the saxophone in the background until a random dough ball was flung in his direction. He fell backwards and his saxophone landed in the oven. The doors shut automatically.

"NO!" He cried and tried to pry open the doors. "WHY DID WE HAVE TO GET STUCK WITH THE BROKEN OVEN!?" Midvalley began to beat on the oven glass and looked through the glass to the inside of the oven. "SYLVIA! DADDY'S GOING TO GET YOU OUT!" His jaw dropped as the saxophone began to melt.

"SYLVIA!!!!!" Midvalley proceeded to kick the oven.

Meanwhile, Legato reached into his backpack and withdrew his broken Magic Eight Ball.

"Master…I curse these infidels who mock you and your death!" He shrieked when another student plucked The Great One from Legato's hand and dropped it into their own dough bowl. The student covered the Magic Eight Ball with dough and pitched it at another student.

Slow Motion

Legato began to run forward and dove into the air. He stretched his arms out and curled his fingers around The Great One.

End Slow Motion

Legato crashed on top of a table and slid off of it, falling to the ground. He rubbed away the dough from The Great One, except for the little bit that was in the crack of the ball.

"Master…" Legato whispered. 

Then the most unexplainable thing happened…

…The Great One began to speak…

__

Legato…I live…

"M-Master?" Legato's bottom lip trembled. "THE GODS HAVE REVIVED YOU!" He hugged the ball close.

_Kill the humans…_

"Yes Master…" Legato resumed his evil British accent. "I will make them pay."

Meryl stormed out of the room just as Legato began to perform his evil psychic powers on all the kids (Excluding Knives, Midvalley, Demonte, Vash, and Melissa).

Vash stood there, dumbfounded. He hadn't even noticed that almost all of his classmates were dead because he was too busy watching as Meryl retreated out of the room.

Christmas Break at last! Everything was great!

…Well…almost…

"Come on Meryl, don't tell me that you don't want to go to the dance…" Demonte said as he combed the dough out of his hair.

"My dad's in Solitary Confinement, most of the kids are dead in my cooking class. Ms. Jinkens is dead, and I'm never speaking to Vash ever again."

"Why? Because he hit you with the dough that was supposed to be meant for me?"

"No. Because he hit me with the dough that was supposed to be meant for you and then LAUGHED." Meryl reached for a washcloth and rubbed the dry dough from her face. "And mom and Carl are down at the station trying to bail dad out."

"You already said that you'd go to the dance, Meryl. Don't back out on me and make me go by myself okay?"

"You'll be fine." She assured as she picked the dough out of her hair.

"Yeah, Vash wants to kill me, Knives would help, and Milly's too busy hanging out with Joe."

"Well…Yeah…You'd still be fine."

"Don't make me drag you over my shoulder. I'm NOT going by myself."

At Vash's House

"Vash, you really are a wuss." Knives said as he peeked into Vash's room. Vash was lying facedown on his bed and had been that way ever since school had been let out, three hours ago. "You're THIS upset because Stryfe said that she never wants to talk to you again?"

"Uh-huh…" Vash muttered, his words getting absorbed in the covers.

"So now you're not going to the dance?"

"Nuh-uh."

Knives rolled his eyes and grabbed Vash's alarm clock. He threw it at Vash's head and it shattered. Vash screamed into the covers.

"Get off the bed, Vash. You're going to the dance. I need someone to cover me while my lackeys and I ruin the party."

Meryl's House

"FINE! FINE!" Meryl yelled as she pounded on Demonte's back. "I'LL GO! I'LL GO! NOW PUT ME DOWN!"

"I knew that you'd see it my way." Demonte grinned as he dropped Meryl from over his shoulder and onto the couch. "Besides, I'm looking forward to this. I wonder if Vash will even show up after you told him that you were never going to talk to him again. I'll bet that he's been crying in his room ever since."

"Put a sock in it, Demonte." Meryl groaned as she climbed the stairs and walked into her room, shutting the door after her.

"I'm serious! I know he likes you!" Demonte called through the door. Surprisingly, he heard laughing. "What's so funny?"

"VASH!? LIKE ME!? HA! HA! HA! Surely you jest!"

"No, _Mademoiselle_, I don't."

Suddenly, the phone rang.

"I'll get it," Demonte offered as he ran back downstairs and grabbed the phone. "Hello?" He spoke into the receiver.

"Demonte?" A womanly voice. It was Milly.

"Milly? What's up?"

"You and Meryl are going to the dance together right?"

"Yes, but not 'as-together' as everyone thinks. Why?"

"Joe and I are going too. He wants to know if you both would like a ride."

"Well, it beats riding the city bus. Sure."

"Great!" Milly chirped. "See you in a few then."

Click.

"Hmmm…she seems pretty cheery…" Demonte said. "Wonder why…"

A few minutes later Meryl emerged from her room wearing a white satin dress that barely reached her knees. Several bracelets clanked against each other around her wrists and her white high-heels clicked against the floor. Unfortunately, her attitude didn't seem to fit her beautiful attire.

"Who was on the phone?" She asked, almost miserably.

"Milly," Demonte said. "Joe's giving us a ride to the dance."

"Goody," Meryl said unenthusiastically.

"Meryl, you need to lighten up." Demonte said as the two walked down the stairs. "Listen for the door. I'm going to write a note to your parents and my Grandpa about where we are."

Meryl sighed as Demonte went into another room. She really didn't want to go to the dance. Lately, she had felt sort of left out. Vash had a girlfriend (That Meryl was terribly jealous of, although she wouldn't admit that to anyone), Milly had a boyfriend, and Nick was gone. She didn't even know WHERE he was.

She only had to wait a few minutes before the doorbell rang. She opened it and saw Milly standing in the doorway, wearing a long green dress. Joe was above her, wearing a cowboy hat. He had a small moustache and a goatee.

"Evening, _mon ami_," He tipped his hat to her.

"Evening," Meryl responded.

"Oh good," Demonte walked back into the room. "Our ride's here."

Vash's House

"VASH GET OFF THE BED!" Knives grabbed hold of Vash's leg, attempting to pry him off the bed.

"NO!" Vash sobbed. "Meryl HATES me!"

"WHAT IS GOING ON HERE!?" Knives and Vash cringed and turned their attention to the doorway. Alex stood there, tapping his foot impatiently. "You two are the most DISRESPECTFUL LITTLE BRATS THAT…"

The phone rang and Alex cringed. "BE RIGHT BACK!"

Vash blinked. "Knives, who was that?"

"Probably one of Alex's many girlfriends. You DO know why Rem left Alex in the first place, right?"

"Oh. I thought that it was because Alex died and went to the Land of the Angels and…"

Knives hit Vash over the head.

"DON'T BE STUPID VASH! Alex an ANGEL!? HA! Now get ready! Melissa called here, unfortunately. She expects you to take her."

"But I don't wanna!" Vash whined.

Knives paused. "Am I sensing rejection, dear brother? Two months ago she was your pride and joy and now you detest her?"

"All right, well I…I…"

"You WHAT…dear brother?" Knives smirked, already knowing the answer.

"I lied."

"About?"

"I never really liked Melissa."

"Dear brother, I do believe that we are FINALLY communicating." Knives sat on the edge of the bed. "Continue."

"Well…I've always liked someone else." Vash flipped over onto his back.

"Do tell…"

At The Dance

"This feels really awkward…" Meryl said as Demonte took her hand and led her into the auditorium.

"How so?"

"I've usually gone to all these dances with my friends. And now…"

Demonte patted her hand. "Don't worry, nothing's changed."

Inside, Christmas decorations lit up the room, giving a colorful feel. Christmas songs were coming over the speakers as the teachers were in the back of the auditorium, decorating a HUGE Christmas tree.

Milly and Joe immediately took off to the dance floor, dancing with everyone else.

"This is going to be entertaining." Demonte said as he brushed off his formal black jacket and tucked in his shirt. "What do you want to do first?"

"Let's go dancing." Meryl said, pulling him on the floor as an upbeat song came on.

Shortly afterwards, Knives and his lackeys filled the doorway as Vash sulked in from behind with Melissa attached to his arm.

"Don't look now." Demonte said as he spotted Vash.

"Why not?" Meryl stopped dancing. She turned around and spotted Vash. "WHY I OUTTA…"

"Meryl," Demonte grabbed her arms. "Happy thoughts now…"

At this time, Vash had spotted Meryl with Demonte's hands on her arms. He immediately took this the wrong way and clenched his fists.

"He's just trying to spite me…" Vash growled as Melissa pulled him over to the punch bowl.

"I think he saw us." Demonte said.

"Who cares!?" Meryl spat as she turned around. "We're not going to let him ruin MY evening." She resumed dancing.

Demonte shrugged and began to dance too.

"Meryl!" Meryl looked up to see Milly and Joe advancing towards her. "Did you see who else was here?"

"Are you talking about the world's two largest idiots and their lackeys?"

Milly paused and then nodded. "Um…I think so."

"I saw them. WHATEVER you do, DON'T let Vash talk to me!" Meryl huffed.

Demonte shook his head.

"Um…okay…" Milly agreed. "I shall do my best."

"You can count on us, _mon ami_!" Joe grinned as he patted Milly's shoulder.

Vash watched the group chatting away. He turned to look at Melissa. "Excuse me a second." He told her and walked off towards Meryl.

"Oh no, Meryl!" Milly leaned forward. "Here he comes! I will keep him away although I don't know WHY I'm keeping him away."

Milly walked up to Vash and stood in front of him, stretching out her arms. "You can't pass, Vash!"

Vash stopped, blinked, and walked around her.

"No!" Milly sighed. "I have failed."

"Meryl!" Vash called out to Meryl. "I need to talk to you."

"Whatever you have to say, Vash, I don't want to––" Meryl was interrupted as an arm spun her around and lips leaned down to touch her own.

Demonte and Vash stood there in shock as Big Slash Great Joe grabbed Meryl and pulled her into a kiss. Enraged, Vash yanked the man off of Meryl and cocked his hand back, ready to punch the daylights out of this man.

"Joe!" Milly cried. "How could you!?"

"But she said that she didn't want to talk to––"

****

POW!

Vash punched Joe and watched as he crumpled to the ground. Vash glared down at the unconscious man, ready to disembowel him.

Milly collapsed to the ground, crying.

Meryl was in shock as she watched Vash just punch Joe.

And Demonte…?

Well, he was just happy that he wasn't on Vash's hit list at the moment.

"Milly!" A familiar voice stopped all movement and sound in the auditorium. All attention had been diverted to a male in black clad, who now stood in the doorway. "Milly, do not cry for scum like that…" The man stepped forward and everyone gasped.

…It was Nick.

"Hold it right there!" From the opposite doors in the auditorium, Jet and Spike barged in, looking ready to kill.

Just what the heck was going on?

***

GASP! The Great One is alive!? Nick's come back!? And of course, we'd ALL like to know what Spike and Jet are up to…

And why is Vash acting so peculiar? Could our legendary broom-head be in love with someone? grin R&R please!

BLD 

__


	9. Uh Oh, Looks Like Someone's In Trouble…

Disclaimer: I have to say it again? Awww… ;___; I still don't own Trigun, but if I did…glances up in a dreamy phase I would make endless sequels, video games, and other neat things.

Oh, and like I said in my A/N for my other story, I've realized that FF.Net has been acting up and people can't get to other peoples' stories or my own. Well (despite my encounters with it. It really was a shame that about SEVEN of my reviews were deleted for Hunting For The Elusive Mayfly Known As Love…Not, otherwise I'd be up to 33 reviews grumble, grumble) I'll tell you all what. Because I love you all and hate to watch you suffer in misery because you can't get to a story (It's happen to me, believe me. I can't tell you how close I was to chucking my comp out the window) if you see another chapter up for any of my stories and you can't get to them, please e-mail me and I'll send you the chapter personally.

Anyway…On with the story ^_^ Huzzah!

****

Hunting For The Elusive Mayfly Known As Love…Not

Chapter Nine

Uh-Oh, Looks Like Someone's In Trouble…

"Milly, do not cry for scum like that…" The man stepped forward and everyone gasped.

…It was Nick.

"Hold it right there!" From the opposite doors in the auditorium, Jet and Spike barged in, looking ready to kill.

Just what the heck was going on?

"Nick!?" Meryl and Demonte cried in unison.

From the other side of the auditorium, Knives and his lackeys were busy ruining Christmas. They pulled out loads of smoke bombs and ducked behind the stage.

"All right men, CHARGE!" Knives shouted as he chucked the smoke bombs over the stage.

Simultaneously, his lackeys mimicked Knives' movements and tossed the smoke bombs over the stage. In a state of panic and frenzy, the students and teachers began to scream and run around like madmen. The teachers who had been putting up the tree began to cry and fell off the ladders. The tree swayed back and forth and then teetered over until it began to fall into the middle of the auditorium.

"Yes!" Knives gave Legato a high-five. "We have ruined the 'so-called' humans' HAPPY HOLIDAYS!"

Meryl jerked her head upward to the oncoming tree and was frozen with fear.

"Meryl!" Demonte scooped the petite girl up into his arms and dove out of the way.

Once again playing the hero, this gave Vash a small amount of time to feel more jealousy towards Demonte.

…And then he was almost struck down by the tree.

"Milly!" Nick screeched to a halt and lifted Milly up from the floor. "Milly, we must depart!"

"Huh?" Milly asked, wiping her eyes.

"No time to explain! They're after us!" And with that, Nick pulled Milly out the double-doors and out into the street.

"What about Vash!?" Meryl asked Demonte as they emerged safely outside. "We can't leave him behind!"

"Remind me to thank Knives later," Demonte said, ignoring Meryl's question.

"Why?" Meryl asked as Demonte set her down on the ground and they began a quick-paced walk home.

"Those men from the party that we saw at Milly's house are back.

"Demonte, who are those men?" Meryl demanded to know.

"They're not good, I can tell you that."

"How do you know?"

"Trust me. I just do."

"But we at LEAST have to find Nick! He's back and I saw him drag Milly off the floor…"

"Meryl we'll worry about that later!" Demonte snapped and then grew silent. "Sorry," He muttered, apologetically. "It's just…I don't want to be around if those men show up."

Meryl stayed silent, her head held low.

"Hey, what's the matter?" Demonte asked, smiling.

"I'm just…so happy that Nick's back." She said. "I mean, sure he's a moron, but it's just…he's been my best friend all this time and…"

"I know." Demonte patted her back, consolingly. "Believe me, I know."

Demonte and Meryl arrived in front of the house and were greatly disappointed.

"We're…locked out?" Meryl asked. "I thought that you had the key!"

"I thought that YOU had it!" Demonte sighed. "And your parents still aren't back yet?"

"How hard is it to bail someone out…?" Meryl asked.

At the Police Station…

"Please, Sir!" Mrs. Stryfe begged. "Please let him out!"

"I've told you a billion times already lady! We haven't even set a bail for him yet!" The cop at the front rolled his eyes and went back to doing his paperwork.

"I'll give you a donut…" She offered.

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Good. Thank you. But your husband still isn't up for bail."

"NO!" Mrs. Stryfe banged her head against the counter. She turned and charged into the back.

"Hey! Stop!" The cop shouted.

"I am a bajillion degree triple fatty black belt!" Mrs. Stryfe shouted. "Stay away from me!"

But the cops still pursued after her. Suddenly, Mrs. Stryfe composed a form of back flips, handsprings, and karate kicks to the heads of the police officers. Blood stained the walls as she began to tackle the officers to the ground.

Meanwhile, Carl was off getting some candy from the broken vending machine… 

Suddenly, the snow turned into a rainstorm. Like in…two seconds. Meryl and Demonte blinked and looked at each other as the rain fell down.

"Gee, you never told me that Gunsmoke had such spontaneous weather." Demonte said, as he became soaked with water.

"It never crossed my mind." Meryl responded. "Now what are we going to do?"

"Find somewhere to stay?"

"Where?"

"Nick's?"

Meryl almost cracked up, laughing. "YEAH RIGHT!"

"Um…Legato's?"

Meryl had a vision with this one.

__

Legato sat in the middle of the front room, holding The Great One in his hands as candles illuminated the area. He began to hum to random chants and then stopped.

"Oh Master, shall I do horrible things to our guests?" He shook the ball up and down.

…Yes.

"And so it shall be done!" Legato closed his eyes.

Meanwhile, upstairs, Meryl and Demonte were sleeping peacefully…Until their beds caught on fire…And they were attacked by killer crabs…and other…stuff…

"Then what do you suggest?" Demonte asked, impatiently.

Meryl blinked. "I'm going to forever hate myself for suggesting this…"

The doorbell rang. Rem trotted downstairs rubbing her eyes as she opened the door. Lightning crashed outside as thunder roared overhead. Demonte and Meryl were standing outside the door, with huge smiles on their faces.

"Hello, Ms. Saverem," Meryl began. "You see, my father's in jail right now and we locked ourselves out of the house and we have nowhere to stay––"

"––So could we, perchance, stay here for the night?" Demonte finished.

Rem blinked, unsure of what to say (actually, she was half-asleep so she hadn't even heard the first part of what the two had said), nodded.

"Yeah, sure." She yawned. "Make yourselves at home."

The smiles on the children's faces widened.

"Thank you Ms. Saverem!" They both chimed in unison.

"Um," Rem paused, trying to stay awake. "You might want to change out of those clothes though…"

"Um…" Demonte and Meryl both looked at each other.

"Yeah, we kinda don't have any spare clothes with us…" Demonte laughed nervously.

"Oh, don't worry about it," Rem yawned again. "I have some you can borrow." She motioned the two to come inside. Shutting the door she ascended the stairs. "Wait there. I'll go and get some for you."

"Rem? Who's at the door?" A familiar voice asked.

"Who is that?" Meryl asked.

"That's Alex," He whispered back. "Whatever you do, stay out of his way."

"Oh…okay."

"The children," Rem answered. "Little Meryl and Demonte. They've had a horrible evening, so they're staying here with us tonight."

"But Reeeem!" Alex whined. "You know that I can't stand children! The two you have already should be drug out into the street and shot!"

"You're right…" Meryl said. "I don't think that him and I are going to get along."

"Who's here, Rem?" Meryl could hear Knives standing at the top of the stairs.

"Wow, they got home before we got here." She marveled.

"Meryl, we've been walking for nearly two and a half hours. After all, we did get LOST a few times."

"Hey, it's not my fault that it's raining and I can't see! Besides, that injured man needed CPR!" Meryl protested. 

"Meryl…that man was sleeping."

"Of COURSE he looked like he was sleeping. ALL dead guys look like they're sleeping."

Demonte sighed.

"I wonder what happened after we left the dance." Meryl mused.

"Probably nothing," Demonte said. "After Knives ruined the party, I doubt that anything happened."

"Meryl and Demonte, Knives." Rem answered.

"What? Really?" Knives ran down the stairs, wearing a blue tank top with matching colored pants. "Ha! You guys have to stay here tonight!"

"Told you I was going to hate myself for coming here…" Meryl said.

"Wasn't that great at the dance tonight?" Knives laughed. "Everyone was screaming and running and it was all ruined…"

"Actually," Demonte extended his hand. "I must commend you for that, Knives."

"Huh?" Knives took Demonte's hand hesitantly. "You mean you're happy that I ruined the dance?"

"Yes. As you can see when Nick showed up with those other men, things were certainly doomed. I am most grateful."

"Um…yeah, sure…You're welcome…" Knives said, confused. Then he snickered. "Boy, Vash is going to love having YOU here tonight, Kalabis."

"Yeah…I know." Demonte tried to hold the contents inside of his stomach where they belonged.

"Here you are," Rem came back down the stairs and handed Meryl a long white nightshirt and gave Demonte a black shirt with matching colored pants. "Now, Demonte, I'm sure that Vash will have no problem with you sleeping in his room…"

"Aww…" Demonte protested as Knives began to laugh hysterically.

"…And Meryl, you can sleep in the guestroom across from Knives' room."

"All right." Knives grinned.

"Sure…" Meryl said.

"I would ask for the guestroom…" Demonte started. "But I know what the answer would be."

"Demonte, I'll get some covers and a pillow for you and Meryl, the guest bed is already made."

"Thank you Ms. Saverem," Meryl smiled. "You are most kind."

Meryl walked up the stairs with Knives trailing behind her.

"Well, this CERTAINLY is going to be interesting…" Knives grinned as they climbed the stairs.

"What do you mean?"

"Vash is going to kill your boyfriend…"

Meryl cringed. "If your mother wasn't being so nice to us, I would strangle you, Saverem."

"Oooh, temper, temper."

"Anyway, I don't know WHY Vash hates Demonte so much. I mean, it's not like Demonte has anything that Vash should be so jealous of."

"Oh, but he does, Stryfe. He DOES…"

Demonte winced as he twisted the doorknob and opened the door to Vash's room. He crept slowly inside, trying not to wake Vash.

__

"I'm going to get myself killed!" Demonte gulped and set his pillow on the floor in the furthest corner of the room as possible as he sat down and then pulled the covers over himself. _"Well…this isn't SO bad…Now, if Vash doesn't wake up, I'll be happy."_

Demonte held his breath as he heard Vash turn over in his bed and mutter a few incoherent words.

"Demonte…gonna kill…steal Meryl…disembowel…"

Demonte pulled the covers over his head. Okay, he didn't exactly enjoy hearing those words. But after a few moments, Vash was silent again and Demonte forced himself to relax until he finally fell asleep.

Meanwhile, Vash was awakened to a slight irritation in his throat and thought it best to get some water for it. Climbing out of bed, he groggily walked to the door.

Until he tripped over something.

"Gah! Someone's in my room!" He shouted as he flipped on the lights. He stared down at the still sleeping form (Wow. Demonte sleeps like a rock) until he recognized the dark black hair.

"Kalabis…" Vash's teeth began to grind together. "What…is…he…doing…in…my…room?"

Oh, it just WASN'T enough that he stole Meryl, got her to hate him, stole his SPOTLIGHT in saving Meryl, but NOW he was in HIS room. Oh, GLORIOUS.

"I am going to annihilate you…" Vash reached over for his pillow and slowly began to raise it above his head.

Then, with a sudden swift jerk, he brought the pillow down on Demonte's head and began to beat him with it. Demonte's eyes opened immediately and he turned, only to get a face full of pillow.

Demonte pushed Vash off of him and looked up. "Vash! What do you think that you're doing!?"

"I was about to ask YOU the same thing!" Vash growled as he jumped to his feet, grabbed the pillow again, and dove on top of Demonte, resuming with his deadly pillow beatings. "Prepare to be vanquished!" Demonte rolled forward, sending Vash to the floor and jumped on top of him, stealing the pillow and began beating him in the face with it. Vash pushed Demonte off of him and Demonte crashed into the dresser, knocking all of its contents from on top off of it. Demonte growled and charged forward like a bull, plowing into Vash's stomach and sent him hurling to the ground. He began to pull out Vash's hair as Vash kneed him in the stomach.

"You…no good…woman stealer!" Vash growled.

"Me!?" Demonte roared. "YOU already HAVE a girlfriend!"

"That's not who I meant!" Vash spat back. Vash arched his body forward, sending Demonte backwards.

Vash jumped to his feet and charged at Demonte. Both bodies collided and were sent through the door. The door cracked in half with ease and soon, both boys were out in the hall, pummeling each other.

"Why!? Why did you have to move here!?" Vash screamed as him and Demonte began rolling down the hall. "You foiled my plans, Kalabis! **I** was supposed to get the girl!"

"What ARE you talking about!?" Demonte yelled back. He jerked an arm back and sent his fist flying along Vash's cheek.

"HEY!" Vash elbowed Demonte in the stomach.

Demonte restrained himself from coughing and pushed Vash off of him.

"Boys!"

"Demonte?"

"Heh, heh."

"You no good rotten brats!"

The two stopped fighting momentarily to see Rem, Meryl, Knives, and Alex all standing around them."

"This is your fault, you know." Vash whispered harshly to Demonte.

"Me!? You attacked ME first!" Demonte retorted.

Vash spotted Meryl. "M-Meryl! I-I can explain…"

"Why should you, Vash?" Rem asked, crossing her arms over her chest. "Shouldn't it be ME who you're explaining things to?"

"I have a statement in my defense," Demonte said. "He attacked me first."

"Well, what were you doing in my room!?" Vash turned to Demonte, anger flaring in his eyes.

"Vash, Meryl and Demonte are spending the night over here because of family problems." Rem sighed, irritated. "Really, I thought that you would've acted just a little bit more grown up about this. How old are you now? Almost eighteen?"

Knives could be heard snickering in the background.

"You mean that he's not going to get lectured!?" Vash pointed to Demonte. 

"Why should he? You ARE the one who attacked him first, aren't you?" Rem narrowed her eyes.

"Can't anyone see what a devious evil psychopath he is!? He's obviously scheming something VERY evil and…"

"Now listen here, you little monster…" Alex stepped forward. "Rem and I were in the middle of something VERY important and…"

Alex took a moment to stare at Demonte. He stepped backwards and suddenly walked back into the room.

__

"I wonder what that was all about…?" Demonte asked himself.

"Alex?" Rem looked back at his retreating form. "Did something upset you? Alex!" Rem rushed back into the room.

"What did I say, Stryfe?" Knives laughed. "Sparks are flying tonight!"

"Can it, Saverem." Meryl snarled. She looked back at Vash. "Vash, I don't understand you. I mean why would you attack Demonte in the middle of the night?"

"B-B-Because…" Vash started.

"Now, dear brother…" Knives stepped forward. "Is there something that you would like these people here to know?"

Vash's face darkened. "No." Vash walked back into his room, stepping over the broken door. "But I will NOT stand for Demonte to be in MY room!" He chucked the blankets and pillow outside the door.

"Which is just FINE because Demonte can stay in the guestroom…" Meryl said, stooping low to pick up the blankets and pillow. "…where I'm staying…" Vash immediately halted.

"W-What…?" He breathed. Storming back outside, he grabbed Meryl by the shoulders, causing her to drop all of the blankets. "Meryl, you can't do that…"

"And just WHY not?" Meryl huffed.

"Because…because…" Vash's face began to turn red.

"Because is right." Meryl said, pushing him away. "Because there is no reason for Demonte NOT to stay in the guestroom." She stooped low to pick up the blankets and then grabbed Demonte by the arm. "Come on, Demonte…"

Vash watched, very jealous of course, as Meryl pulled Demonte towards the guestroom. Demonte suddenly turned and pulled down his eyelid with one finger and stuck out his tongue at Vash. Vash growled and clenched one fist.

The guestroom door closed and Knives stepped forward.

"Well, that was quite a show now, wouldn't you agree?"

"It's not fair, Knives…" Vash muttered as he walked back into his room.

"What's not fair, dear brother?" Knives asked, following him back into his room.

"Because…Because I had a plan!" Vash spun around on one foot, tears welding in his eyes. "And then HE had to come along and ruin it! And then after he moved in with her, I would take the car and sit outside her house, watching her room just in case something happened…Which was pretty stupid, because I knew that he'd never try anything to hurt her." Vash paused and lowered his head. "Of course she'd like him. He's smart, and popular, especially among the ladies and…" Vash sat on the edge of the bed, his head in his hands. "She could never like me…"

Knives stood in the doorway, silent.

"If only I had asked her sooner…before he came along…Maybe then…"

"Meryl, thanks for coming along when you did. I thought that he was going to KILL me."

"I just DON'T understand." Meryl said. "This is SO unlike him! He's never done anything THIS obscure before…"

"Obscure?"

"Like…he's always been the passive type, you know? He would never hurt anyone. But after tonight when he punched Joe and then attacked you…I just don't know anymore."

Demonte turned out the lights as he crawled under his covers on the floor. Meryl sat on the edge of the bed, staring out the window.

"Try to get SOME sleep, Meryl." Demonte said. "Tomorrow is the first day of Christmas break. We'll go looking for Nick and Milly tomorrow."

"Okay…" She said as she curled herself into a little ball on the bed.

"Good morning everyone!" Knives pounded on the door to the guestroom and Meryl and Demonte had to cover their ears with their pillows. "RISE AND SHINE!"

"SAVEREM I'M GOING TO KILL YOU WHEN I GET UP!" Meryl glanced at the clock. Seven o' clock.

"Can't even sleep in…" Demonte muttered.

"Well, perhaps it's best that we leave as soon as possible anyway." Meryl said. "Don't want to have another mishaps, right?"

"Sure…but first I'm going to take a shower." Demonte pushed himself to his feet and walked out of the room.

Rem was downstairs reading the newspaper as she drank her coffee. Demonte looked around, but saw no sign of Alex, relaxing him just a bit.

"Where's Alex?" He asked.

"Oh, he's at work." Rem replied, not taking her eyes from the newspaper.

"Listen, about last night," Demonte rubbed the back of his head. "I'm sorry about all of that…I mean, you let us stay here, after all…"

Rem looked up.

"Really," Demonte continued. "I am really, really sorry."

"Demonte, I just don't understand why Vash hates you so much." She stood up. "It was more my fault for putting you in his room."

"What?"

"You see, I already knew that for some odd reason, Vash disliked you. He even takes off in the car quite frequently and won't come back until very late."

"Oh…"

"So, I was hoping that by putting you in there last night, you two could eventually talk your differences out."

"Actually, I have no idea WHY he even hates me." Demonte said.

"Oh," Rem paused. "I see."

"I'm still sorry about it…"

"Don't worry about it," Rem smiled. "Like I said, it was more my fault anyway."

Demonte glanced into the other room. "Um, would it be okay if I used the shower?"

"Certainly!" Rem said. "It's just in the other room."

"Thanks." Demonte plodded towards the bathroom.

Meryl came down shortly afterwards, in a bad mood.

"Meryl, dear, how did you sleep?" Rem asked.

"Until Knives decided to become the morning rooster, I was fine." Meryl stomped into the kitchen and grabbed a bowl and a box of cereal.

"Oh no," Rem shook her head and ran upstairs. "Knives! Where are you!?"

Meryl sat herself down at the table and began to dig into her cereal.

Then the doorbell rang.

Meryl stopped eating as milk trailed down her chin. Sighing heavily and wiping the milk away, she went to open the door.

"Ah! Ah, I'm alive again!" Nick fell into the doorway and, startled, Meryl caught him. "I'm much obliged."

"Nick!?" Meryl pulled him inside. "You're freezing! Get inside, quick!"

Nick, in his dazed state, obediently followed Meryl into the front room where she seated him on the couch.

"Nick, where's Milly?" She asked.

"At her house…" Nick's teeth chattered.

"Nick, don't tell me that you were out all night out in this horrible weather!"

"Actually, yes I was."

Meryl sighed. "I'll go and make you some coffee, Nick. And change out of those wet clothes!"

Demonte turned on the shower and sighed happily as warm water spurted from above. Shortly afterwards, the door opened, and Demonte cursed himself for forgetting to lock it.

"Knives?" Uh-oh, it was Vash. "Is that you in the shower?"

Demonte faked a cough and ducked low. He heard Vash sigh.

"Good. I don't know what I would've done if it was Kalabis."

Demonte stopped moving.

Vash reached for his toothbrush and the toothpaste.

"Hey Knives, thanks for hearing me out last night. Listen, I've finally decided what I'm going to do."

"Hmmm," Demonte made a rumbled noise in the back of his throat.

"I think that I'm just going to give up on her, Knives. She'll never like me as much as she likes Kalabis."

__

"Is he…referring to Meryl?" Demonte wondered.

"I know it's going to be hard, since I've liked her for so long, but it's probably for the best." Vash looked towards the shower. "What do you think, Knives?"

"Uh-huh…" Demonte muttered.

"You don't sound too enthusiastic about my decision, Knives. Is there something that you want to say?" Vash lowered his head. "Is it that you want me and her together just as much as I want it?"

Suddenly, a knock came to the door. "Vash! Hurry up in there!" That was Knives' voice.

Demonte's face paled.

"Knives!?" Vash dropped the toothbrush and toothpaste to the ground. "Then…who is in the shower…?" Vash crept over to the shower curtains and rose his hand to grab the edge of the curtains.

Demonte quickly grabbed the end of the curtains and began to pull forward as Vash pulled back. Angrily, Vash began to tug harder and then Demonte poked his head around the curtains.

"KALABIS!?" Vash flushed. He had just admitted his feelings for…and Demonte was listening…and…"YOU'RE DEAD!"

Vash dove into the shower, ripping the curtains down. Demonte got tangled in the curtains as Vash jumped on top of him and began to pound him.

"HATE CRIME! HATE CRIME!" Demonte shouted as he tried to shield his face.

The door was flung open and Meryl and Nick (in just his boxers) were standing there.

"Vash!" Meryl cried.

"Needle-Noggin' what are you doing!?" Nick jumped into the bathroom and pulled Vash out of the shower.

"LET ME AT HIM!" Vash roared. "I'LL RIP HIS ARMS OFF!"

Demonte struggled to stand up, holding the shower curtains around his body. He spotted Meryl standing there and waved.

"I have yet another statement in my defense."

Nick tugged Vash out of the bathroom and Meryl looked after them, sadly. Demonte sighed. "You're right, I think that it's time for us to leave."

Meryl turned back to Demonte.

"I'll be out in a few minutes."

"Nicholas!" Rem was taken aback by the half-naked teenager in her living room. "I thought that you moved!"

"Yeah, I sort of did…but…" Nick turned back to Vash, whom was seated on the couch. "I'll explain later."

"I'll get you some clothes," Rem offered as she ran back upstairs.

"You should've let me kill him, Wolfwood." Vash growled.

"And what would that achieve, Vash?" Nick shifted his weight in his chair. "Do you know WHY I came back?" Vash stayed silent. "For Milly. That night at the party when I found out that she was dating that Joe guy, I was just like you. I went crazy. I wanted to kill him." Nick sighed. "So, what does Demonte have that you want?"

Meryl walked down the hall, ready to come back into the front room. She halted as she heard Nick and Vash talking.

"So, what does Demonte have that you want?"

She heard Vash jump up from the couch.

"He has the heart of a girl that I love very much!" Vash growled before storming upstairs.

Meryl paused, unsure of what to do. She was shaking.

__

"A…girl? But…There are many girls that like Demonte so…" Meryl felt crushed. But why? _"That's right…I should've known better…"_

Nick was in the same shocked state as he watched Vash stomp upstairs, water dripping from the ends of his hair.

Meryl slowly walked into the room and Nick shook his head at her.

"What was that supposed to mean?" She choked out.

Nick shrugged. "You need to come with me, Meryl. There's something important that you need to see."

****

Lol, this is NOT how I planned to write the chapter at all. ^_^ But I was writing it at 2 am in the morning, so what the hey? Controversy, jealousy, ahahaha! The next chapter will be better but I thought that just for this chapter, Demonte and Vash should settle their differences…physically.

R&R please!

BLD

****


	10. So, How Did Nick Escape Again?

Disclaimer: I own nothing but my OC's. ^_^ Huzzah.

A/N: I will soon have a web site up revolving around Hunting For The Elusive Mayfly Known As Love…Not and my other fic Engel. If anyone wants to help out…like drawing fanart or whatnot, then please let me know and I'll put it up on the site. grin Won't this be fun? ^_^

****

Hunting For The Elusive Mayfly Known As Love…Not

Chapter Ten

So, How Did Nick Escape Again?

"You need to come with me, Meryl. There's something important that you need to see."

"Nick?" Meryl asked, confused.

"It revolves around how I escaped." Nick explained. "Is there any way we can get to the Silver Square?"

Meanwhile…

"Dag-nab-it Jet!" Spike shouted as he paced back and forth in their underground lair. "The Boss is NOT going to be pleased!"

"What are you talking about?" Jet asked, ripping the skin off of the chicken leg in his hand. He patted the KFC box and grinned. "Why don't you settle down a bit, Spike, and have some KFC with me? You're always way too paranoid."

"This is NO time to be settling down, Jet!" Spike snapped as he pounded the end of the table with his fist, sending the KFC box, full of chicken, to the floor. Jet stared at it for a moment and shook his head.

"You should learn not to waste good food, Spike."

"Would you just forget the food for a moment!?" Spike rolled the sides of his temples with his index fingers. "I just received news that that Preacher Kid is back in town."

"Oh?"

"Put down the food, Jet and pay attention!"

Jet unwillingly put his chicken back onto the plate while glaring at Spike.

"Continue," Jet gestured to him with his hand.

"Anyway," Spike said. "He supposedly escaped from that asylum down south."

"He was sent south!? I thought that he was going to the counselor's office!"

"He WAS until they transferred him. It was our job to go up there and question him." Spike explained.

"How come I never knew about that?"

"Actually I was never informed either…which is WHY the Boss is going to have our heads."

"Great. Now what?" Jet leaned back in the chair.

"He's back in town, but he's not alone."

"Who's he with?"

"Guess." Was all Spike said.

"What? Those pesky little brats that we saw at the party?"

"Correct." Spike sat on the table's edge. "NOW we have to track him down before he gets away. He could be the missing link in all of this."

"What honestly makes you think that it's him, Spike?" Jet said skeptically. "There are HOW many people in this world who have black hair?"

"I know, I know," Spike calmed his partner. "However, that's not our place to ask. We get paid for doing work, not asking questions."

"So, where do you intend on looking?" Jet perched his elbows up on the table and rested his chin in the palms of his hands.

"Not quite sure…" Spike smirked. "YET."

"You were sent WHERE, Nick?" Meryl asked as Demonte emerged from the bathroom, drying his hair.

"To the asylum down south," Nick explained. "And let me tell you, it was NO picnic."

"Asylum?" Demonte asked.

"Where did you get the clothes, Demonte?" Meryl gestured to his gray turtleneck and jeans.

"Lucky, huh?" Demonte smiled. "I borrowed them from Knives."

"Well…" Nick mused. "I'm sure that Needle-Noggin has a bike we could use to get to the Silver Square."

"Nick it's the middle of winter and you want to ride a BIKE to the Silver Square!?" Meryl shook her head, confused.

"Of course!" Nick exclaimed, gesturing to the window that showed off the outside world. "It's PERFECT bike riding weather!" It was snowing outside, in case you all were wondering.

"Nick, are you SURE that you should be out of that asylum? Cause it seems to me…"

"I am not crazy!" Nick quickly clutched Meryl's shoulders. "Meryl I'm your best friend! How could you even think that!?"

"Actually, I'm afraid that I'm going to have to agree with her, Nick," Demonte said. "I mean, why don't we just get Rem to drive us?"

"Never!" Nick shouted. "This is too important for anyone but you two to find out about!"

"Even for Vash?" Meryl asked.

"Yes, I'm afraid. Even for Vash."

Meryl paused. She had never seen Nick so serious before.

"Well, let me call my mother and Carl, Nick," Meryl said. "They'll give us a ride."

"No!" Nick called after her. "The bike idea is better!"

But Meryl continued into the other room and Nick shook his head.

"Why do women never listen?" Nick sighed.

"Because Nick, her father is currently in jail."

Nick snapped his attention to Demonte. "Come again?"

"It's true," Demonte said, "And trust me, you wouldn't believe if I even began to tell you."

"Oh…" Nick said.

"Nicholas!" Rem descended the stairs, clothes in her arms. "Put these on, darling. You must be cold."

"Thank you Miss Saverem," Nick graciously accepted the clothes. Then he looked down at them and paused. "They're pink."

"No," Rem corrected. "Fuchsia."

Nick paused. "They're pink."

"I knew you'd like them!" Rem smiled as she clasped her hands together. "They used to belong to Knives when he was just a little boy. You can have them if you'd like."

Somewhat disturbed by her words, Nick unfolded the clothes and stared at the oversized button-up shirt and…um…REALLY oversized pants.

"Boy…Knives was a fat child…wasn't he?" Nick commented.

"Rem!" Knives stormed into the room. "How many times MUST I tell you that those were NEVER my clothes! They belonged to my faithful minion, Midvalley."

Nick looked from Knives back to the clothes.

"Boy…Midvalley was a fat child…wasn't he?" Then Nick's face scrunched up. "You mean I have to wear his sweaty pink clothes!?"

"We knew you wouldn't mind," Knives said. "Actually it's pretty interesting seeing how you came back. Care to fill me in on the secret?"

"I'm on parole." Nick lied and then realized what he said. "I mean…WAIT! That's not what I meant!"

With an evil grin, Knives refused to listen any further as he dashed upstairs to change. "WAIT UNTIL I TELL THE GUYS!" Knives shouted from upstairs.

Nick growled as he began to dress himself in the pink pants and shirt. "I know I have my flaws but this is RIDICULOUS!"

"That's funny," Demonte laughed. "It almost reminds me of your Kung-Fu Uniform."

Instantly regretting his choice of words, Demonte watched as Nick's bottom lip began to tremble at the lost memory of his Sensei.

"Um I mean, Nick…" Demonte grinned. "That's not what I meant."

Suddenly, Meryl stormed back into the room and Nick's face became resilient as he watched the enraged Meryl settle herself on the couch.

"Meryl? Is something wrong?" Nick asked.

"My MOTHER is NOW in jail." Meryl buried her head in her hands. "How could my life get any worse? Now BOTH of my parents are in jail for violent assaults and murder."

"Um, what about my Grandpa?" Demonte spoke up. "What happened to him?"

Meryl looked up at him, her face showing much irritation. "He's in jail for trying to attack a vending machine."

"All right!" Nick grinned. "Guess we're taking the bike down to the Silver Square."

"NICK!" Demonte and Meryl screamed.

"Oh…sorry."

"How did you find this out, Meryl?" Demonte asked.

"I called the house and no one answered. So then I called down to the Sheriff's Office. When I told him who my parents were, he began to laugh and told me how sorry he felt for me."

"How cruel," Nick said. "Anyway, the Silver Square, people?"

"All right!" Meryl growled as she jumped up from the couch. "Let me go and find some clothes and we'll be off."

"Um, don't go and ask Miss Saverem for the clothes, Meryl." Demonte warned. "Do what I did and ask Knives."

"I'm surprised Knives even lent out his clothes to you, Demonte, but why shouldn't I ask Rem for clothes?" Meryl watched as Demonte pointed to Nick and Meryl busted up laughing at the sight of him.

"It's not THAT funny…" Nick mumbled.

"You look like a pink tart Nick!" Meryl laughed as she forgot about her troubles.

"I do not look like a cookie." Nick protested.

"Not THAT kind of a tart!"

"And they're Midvalley's clothes." Demonte added.

"Aww, they look so precious on you!" Meryl laughed. "Now all you need is a pink bonnet and a ribbon."

Nick's bottom lip trembled.

All right, so moving along, Meryl was fortunate enough to get some clothes.

Flashback

"Miss Saverem?" Meryl climbed the stairs and looked around for the raven-haired woman. "Are you here? I need an extra change of clothes…if that's okay with you…"

Then she saw someone she didn't expect to see.

"Oh…it's you Vash." She said dully.

"Meryl," Vash said, pushing some clothes into her arms. "Take these clothes. They will protect you from Kalabis' touch."

Meryl unfolded the clothes and frowned. "They're yours."

"EXACTLY!" Vash exclaimed. "If you wear them, Kalabis will think that we are going out and will not touch you. He is no good for you, Meryl. He's a bitter, selfish, cold––"

"But we're NOT going out."

"I know that but––"

"And Demonte's NOT offending me."

"Yeah, but Meryl he's––"

"And he's not cold and uncaring."

Vash broke down and began to cry.

"FOR THE LOVE OF DONUTS MERYL PLEASE PUT THE CLOTHES ON!"

End Flashback

"Gee, this was great that Needle-Noggin' let us borrow his bike like that." Nick said as he wore a red scarf, underwater goggles around his eyes, and a LONG ski cap. He pedaled through the six feet of snow on the bicycle as Demonte sat behind Nick, hardly on the seat and Meryl sat on the handlebars.

"I think that it was more of BORROWING without permission, Nick." Demonte told him.

"Why are we on a BIKE Nick?" Meryl groaned.

"Nonsense! It will work!" Nick grinned.

"This isn't comfortable, Nick." Demonte sighed. "Let me on the handlebars."

"No way!" Meryl protested. "I am NOT sitting behind Nick!"

"Hey I'm not that bad." Nick whined.

"Then what do you suggest we do?" Demonte asked.

"You could always sit on the handlebars together." Nick proposed.

"What? Me on his lap?" Meryl asked. "Then how will you see, Nick?"

"Actually it WOULD be a lot better if Demonte wasn't right on my butt…"

"HEY!" Demonte glared.

"Besides I have my wonderful water goggles on. NOTHING can stop me!" Nick stopped in the middle of the snow and Demonte hopped off the back.

Demonte laughed. "Gee Meryl, you look great in Vash's clothes there."

Meryl scowled. She wore Vash's white button-up shirt and his tan pants.

"It's better than MY clothes." Nick said as Demonte climbed onto the handlebars and Meryl jumped onto his lap.

"You're not very comfortable." She told Demonte.

"I'm sorry, would you like to walk?" Demonte asked. "Or ride in the back with Nick?"

"No, no," Meryl said. "Boy I hope Vash isn't around…"

Meanwhile Vash was driving down the street in the OTHER car that hadn't sunk to the bottom of the ocean (flashback––when Knives was driving it to Milly's party), tapping his fingers against the steering wheel as he listened to Offspring's 'Staring At The Sun'. From the corner of his eye he caught a moving object and turned his head. His face darkened as he watched Nick pedaling down the street on HIS bike in six feet of snow…with Demonte on the handlebars…AND MERYL ON HIS LAP.

"KALABIS!" Vash shouted, enraged, as he pounded a fist against the window. "YOU SON OF A––"

"Hmm? Do you hear something?" Meryl asked, looking around.

"I don't hear anything," Nick said as he pedaled harder.

"Wait," Demonte's ears perked up and he turned his head. "OH NUTS!"

"What!? What!?" Meryl asked, glancing around.

"Don't look now, but Vash is after us!" Demonte screeched. "Nick! Pedal faster or he's gonna hit us with his car!"

Vash's car flipped a U-turn and spun on the ice. Once it had regained control, the car turned and fled down the street. Nick turned around and panicked. Leaning forward on the bike he began to pick up speed. Unfortunately, in six feet of snow that's not very fast.

"Abandon bike!" Demonte shouted as he jumped off the handlebars, Meryl in his arms. He set her down and instantly began to sprint down the road. Nick threw the bike down and followed Meryl and Demonte down the street.

Meanwhile, Vash pressed his foot against the pedal, swerving into the biker's lane.

"I'll kill you this time, Kalabis," Vash growled. "That'll teach you to take the love of my life away from me and delude her into thinking how GREAT you are."

Nick plowed through the snow, running as fast as he could. He nearly passed Meryl and then looked up.

"Hey! There's the Silver Square! Praise the Lord!"

Demonte turned his head and watched as the black Sudan followed ever so closely.

"Geez, he really intends on running me over!" Demonte said to himself.

"AHA!" Vash laughed maniacally as the car grew only a few feet away from Demonte. "Now if Meryl and Nick just stay out of my way, I can vanquish this evil ONCE AND FOR ALL!" Vash leaned forward, his chin touching the steering wheel. "Just a little bit closer and I'll be able to give you that new paint job, my lovely car…"

"You guys get inside of the Silver Square!" Demonte ordered to Meryl and Nick. "I'm afraid that if I even TRY to go in he'll run the car right through the building!"

"But Demonte!" Meryl protested.

"Just go!" Demonte continued past the Silver Square. "I'll be okay…I hope."

"JUST GIVE UP ALREADY!" Vash shouted as he rolled down the window and stuck his head outside of it. "I'M GOING TO SMASH YOUR BONES INTO A BILLION PIECES!"

"That doesn't sound very 'love and peace' like, Vash!" Demonte shouted over his shoulder.

Demonte turned into a parking lot and began to swerve in between cars. Frustrated with this new turn of events, Vash just plowed through the parked cars, smashing them underneath his tires.

"MY CAR CAN DEMOLISH ANYTHING KALABIS!" Vash shouted to him. "AND YOU'RE NEXT!" Vash's car skidded, but he quickly regained control and sped down the parking lot.

Demonte fled down the parking lot and into 'Happy Porkchop's Grocery Store'. Vash, refusing to give up, sailed right through the wall of the grocery car in his Sudan and annihilated everything. People screamed and bolted down the aisles as Demonte dove over a counter and resumed his sprinting down another aisle.

"YOU CAN'T HIDE FOREVER!" Vash shouted as he turned on his window wipers, cleaning off all the destroyed food, books, and other products that were flung at the window. Demonte took shelter down the cereal aisle and Vash, not wasting any time, drove the car down the aisle, wiping out that aisle and the one next to it.

"Geez, he doesn't know when to give up, does he!?" Demonte shook his head and turned sharply, his eyes peeled on the exit.

Vash also noticed this and pressed the gas pedal to the floor. Demonte, hearing the screeching of the tires, dove off to the side as Vash's car sailed by him.

"HA! I GOT YOU!" Vash shouted and then looked ahead to the oncoming brick wall and exit door. "Oh…fudge…"

Legato was busy playing outside with children of his neighborhood, engaging himself in a game of snowball fights. He dressed himself warmly in a white snow hat, a white scarf, a white coat, white gloves, and little spikes sticking out of his coat on the right side. "Hmm…interesting. Now if I can make the correct calculations…"

Legato peered over the snow-made fortress he had easily built using his mind-melding powers. Ten other children were tossing snowballs back and forth at each other as Legato kept himself well hidden.

"Master, what is your plan?" Legato looked down at The Great One, who was also dressed in a little white snow hat and a little white scarf was tied around it. Legato gingerly picked up the ball and shook it up and down.

_Kill them all…_

"And so it shall be done!" Legato said as he set The Great One back down and stood up. Raising his arms high above his head he used his psychic powers. All the snow from the ground began to pile up and towered over all the children like a great tsunami.

"OH MY GO–" The children screamed in horror as the snow fell upon them, consuming them in one giant gulp.

"Huzzah." Legato said as he began to dance happily. "I am ONCE again the winner. I am so cool." Legato looked around. "Now to spend my time playing DDR at the Silver Square. Come, Master, allow me to carry you."

__

Thank you Slave.

Legato skipped away, merrily.

"Milly!?" Meryl exclaimed. "What are you doing here?"

"Nick told me to come here," Milly said, wiping her eyes. "Yesterday."

Meryl went to console her friend. "Milly what's wrong? You look ill."

"Joe, Meryl, I can't believe that he'd do such a horrible thing…He kissed you and…" Milly continued to cry.

Nick removed his water goggles, gloves, hat, and scarf and put a comforting arm around Milly.

"Milly, it's all right now. I'm here…" Milly looked up.

"Nick…Why are you wearing pink?"

"Oh, um," Nick stepped backwards, startled. "About that. I––"

"All right Wolfwood…" Demonte stomped into the Silver Square and set himself down at a table with Milly, Meryl, and Nick. "I nearly got myself killed because of that stupid plan of yours. Now I want an explanation. Just WHY did you drag us down here in the first place!?"

"Gee, Demonte," Milly said. "You don't look so good."

"I have my reasons, Milly." Demonte said, glaring at Nick. "Well?"

"Okay," Nick said, sighing. "You're the only three I can trust with this." Nick paused and looked at all of them closely before continuing. "That day at the party I was sent to an asylum down south. I WAS supposed to be sent to a counselor a little ways away from Gunsmoke ACCORDING to my parents. They thought I was doing drugs. HOW they came to think that, I don't know."

Of course, they didn't tell Nick that it was all Vash's fault.

"Anyhow," Nick continued. "When I came to, I woke up in a room full of padding. I didn't know what to do, or even what happened. Then two men came to see me dressed in black suits."

"Was one bald and the other short with green hair?" Demonte asked.

"No…" Nick said. "One was very familiar. TOO familiar. I didn't know who the other one was."

"Who was the familiar one?" Meryl asked this time.

"I couldn't place it," Nick lowered his head. "But I spent a long while there. The same two men kept coming back…questioning me…asking me about some sort of secret things. Oh and cheesecake."

Everyone facefaulted.

"AND?" Meryl pressed. "Go on."

"Finally, I couldn't take it anymore. They told me that if I didn't answer their questions, they would do terrible things to you guys…especially to Milly."

Milly looked at Nick, petrified.

"I couldn't let that happen…" Nick put his hand on Milly's shoulder. "Especially to you, Milly. So I made a bet with one of the guards. I told him that I would play him DDR and if I scored the highest after three songs, he would have to set me free."

Another facefault.

"THAT'S WHY YOU DRAGGED US DOWN HERE!?" Demonte roared. "I NEARLY GOT MY BUTT WHOMPED ON AND YOU COULDN'T TELL US THAT AT THE HOUSE!?"

"There's a reason I brought you down here." Nick remained serious. "I want you all to know…that in case I should be sent away again to that terrible place, I want you to––"

"THERE YOU ARE, KALABIS!" Vash threw the doors open, haunting the doorway. He threw off his gloves, jacket, and scarf, leaving him in a navy blue tank top and dark jeans. "JUST the man I wanted to see."

"Um, Vash," Nick started. "You know that wasn't really nice, earlier trying to run us over with the car…"

"ME." Demonte corrected. "He was trying to hit ME with the car Nick."

"Listen to me you pimping half-hearted gnome," Vash pointed a dictating finger at him. "I am going to demolish you for this!"

"What did I do!?" Demonte cried. "Why can't you just leave me alone!? Besides, it was YOUR fault you destroyed your car!"

Vash looked around and grinned. "DDR. NOW. YOU. ME."

"…Okay Vash I can't understand fragments. Now would you please put that into layman's terms?" Demonte asked.

"I will play you for a battle of points. If I win, you pack your bags and leave Gunsmoke FOREVER." Vash stated. 

Demonte shifted uncomfortably. "But I can't play DDR."

"EXACTLY!" Vash grinned. "Leaving you with no choice but to leave! You can't back out of a challenge, Kalabis."

"Vash you have it all wrong!" Meryl stepped in between the two. "Nick was riding the bike and…"

"And MAKING him a CHAUFFEUR!" Vash clutched his heart. "Demonte you heartless cur!"

"But I…" Demonte sighed and looked at Nick. "I'm going to lose! What am I going to do!?"

"That's why I brought you down here!" Nick said. "The ultimate challenge by any man in Gunsmoke is to combat at DDR! How do you think I won and escaped from the asylum?"

"Well that explains that," Demonte hissed. "But how is that going to help me?"

"You're looking at a pro," Nick said smugly. "All you need do is stomp on all the buttons and you'll win."

"Well that's OBVIOUSLY the point of the game, Einstein, but how is that going to help me NOW!?" Demonte groaned.

"Um…Hmmm…" Then Nick grinned. He grabbed Demonte's shoulders and then held his left hand above his chest. "May you go with the protection of Almighty God."

Demonte blinked.

"Believers will be redeemed in the end." Nick said. "Now that you have the blessing of Almighty God and the blessing of a Priest in Training, there's no WAY you can lose!"

Demonte growled and stomped off to the arcade.

"Are you ready to lose, Kalabis?" Vash asked as he stepped onto the metal pad.

"I was hoping to put it off until a later date."

Vash grinned as he selected the first song. "The objective is to match me in skill and points. Meaning if I play a song on Maniac, you have to do the same."

"AND still beat you in points?" Demonte asked.

"Yup."

Demonte sighed and Nicked leaned over the railing and whispered, "Remember! You have to BELIEVE! Or else it won't work!"

"All right, all right," Demonte said. "I believe, I believe."

Meryl sighed as Milly and her stood behind Nick, watching.

"He's about to go down in flames," Nick told the girls.

"Exotic Ethnic!" Vash said as he set the difficulty on Maniac. "Now it's your turn, Kalabis."

Demonte groaned as he set the difficulty to Maniac and prepared himself for annihilation. Vash laughed and cracked his knuckles as the song started. Demonte watched as the first set of steps came up and he gulped.

_'I'm no dancer! I'm going to lose!'_ But strangely enough, his feet began to move for him and his eyes widened as he set a starting record of 34 perfect combos.

Vash glanced over at Demonte's side and growled. He leaned forward and pushed himself harder.

Soon the dance cleared and Demonte was left with all perfects as Vash had only missed a few. Demonte, in awe of his own unknown ability, had the courage to look Vash in the eye and laugh.

"This isn't so hard after all!" Demonte grinned.

"Son of a…" Vash growled as he smashed his fist against the buttons and stopped on Healing Vision. "Maniac." He told Demonte. "You won't be so lucky this time."

Demonte shrugged and turned to look at Nick. "Guess your preacher stuff is working, Preacher Man. Let's hope my good luck won't run out."

"Like I said before," Nick told him. "Believers will be redeemed in the end."

"I thought you said that he was going down in flames!" Meryl hissed and Nick shrugged.

Demonte turned around as Healing Vision started and Vash immediately began to dance to the beat. Yawning, Demonte allowed his feet to move for him, scoring perfects on every step.

"Why won't you lose!?" Vash roared as he concentrated harder.

Demonte grinned as he continued to move his feet. "This is actually pretty easy, ya know?"

"Hmph, a jack of all trades, huh?" Vash's eyes narrowed. "Well, we'll SEE about that…"

The song ended and Vash turned to face Demonte.

"Okay Kalabis, this last song will determine who REALLY is the champion." Vash turned back to the screen and chose Afronova. "Maniac, Kalabis. NOW."

Demonte laughed. "I haven't even broken a sweat yet, Saverem. I think that we REALLY know who the champion is."

"Shut up!" Vash scowled as the song began. "This means war…"

From the back of the room a blue-haired figure was spotted and immediately recognized…by the readers of course.

"I understand, Master. Vash the Stampede shall experience eternal pain and suffering." Legato used his mind-melding powers to make Demonte win at DDR.

Well, at least now we know how Demonte is winning.

The song finally ended and Vash looked over at Demonte's scoreboard. He bit his lip. He knew that he had been beaten.

"Well now," Demonte said. "I see a perfect score of about seven or eight nines and you…" Demonte glanced at Vash's scoreboard. "…have about 50,000 points less than me."

Vash stood there, unmoving, as he absorbed this. Then, as though he hadn't been affected at all, he smiled and extended his hand out to Demonte. "Nice game Demonte. Guess that you're the winner."

Bewildered by this new turn of events, Demonte hesitantly took Vash's hand and returned the handshake.

"Vash…? Are you feeling okay?" Demonte asked. Not giving Vash a chance to answer, he hastily continued. "Look Vash, I don't hate you or anything. Actually all I ever wanted was to be your friend. What ever it is that has you so mad at me, I mean, can't we just clean the slate and call it a truce?" Demonte looked hopeful. "…Please?"

Vash just continued to smile and then walked away. Demonte stood there, dumbfounded, as he blinked. "Is that a 'no'?" Demonte asked.

"Well I guess that it isn't much of a 'yes' either…" Nick said as he ran after Vash. "Hey Vash! Wait up!" Suddenly two pairs of strong arms grabbed Nick's shoulders, preventing him from advancing any further.

"Where do you think that YOU'RE going?" Nick looked up and saw Spike.

"Now that we've caught you, Preacher Kid," Jet laughed. "You're coming with us for questioning…"

Meryl and Milly rushed after Nick, but stopped dead in their tracks.

"Nick!" Milly screamed. Demonte soon joined them. Vash turned around at the sound of the commotion and gasped as he saw Nick in the clutches of the two men.

"Nick!" Vash growled. "Hey! Let him go you guys! Nick didn't do anything!"

"That's where you're wrong," Jet laughed. "We have reason to believe that he's planning a conspiracy against the Governmental Force and Alliance Society."

"The what?" Meryl asked.

"I am?" Nick said immediately afterwards.

"Shut up," Spike said. "Don't ask questions!"

"He's not the man you want," Demonte told them, stepping to the front.

"Then who is?" Spike asked, leaning closer. "You?"

"I––" Demonte began but was cut off.

"He's not your man either," Vash said as he sided himself next to Demonte. "And I won't let you take either of them." He grinned as he looked at Demonte. "I'll join forces with you…just this once, Demonte."

Demonte mirrored the smiled as he turned to face front.

"Good," He laughed. "En Garde`."

****

Ohhh, an unexpected alliance. ^_^ The plot is unraveling slowly but surely, isn't it? Well. Let me know how you like it thus far and R&R please (Nicely)

Until next time my good friends…

BLD


	11. Vacation

Disclaimer: Um…No?

A/N: I finally got my website up!

View my profile page for the address. I can't post it on the story because FF.Net will give me a hard time. ^^'

Be sure to check it out if you can! ^_^

****

Hunting For The Elusive Mayfly Known As Love…Not

Chapter Eleven

Vacation

"He's not your man either," Vash said as he sided himself next to Demonte. "And I won't let you take either of them." He grinned as he looked at Demonte. "I'll join forces with you…just this once, Demonte."

Demonte mirrored the smiled as he turned to face front.

"Good," He laughed. "En Garde`."

"You're serious?" Spike asked skeptically as he crossed his arms over his chest. "You want to challenge us?"

"That's right," Vash said as he proceeded to get into his fighting stance. "Why? Don't believe us?"

"…Okay," Spike said reluctantly as he released Nick and motioned Jet to do the same. "You're on."

"All right…" Vash said. He paused and then…

"RUN!" Demonte shouted as he, Nick, Meryl, and Milly sprinted towards the exit.

"HEY!" Spike shouted.

"Aw, come on now," Vash laughed. "Let's just call it quits already. After all..." Vash reached deep into his pocket. "…the world IS made of LOVE AND PEACE!" Vash withdrew a piece of paper and flung it in Spike's face. "See ya!" And with that he made way for the door.

"What the…!?" Spike clutched the paper and Jet stood over his shoulder.

"What's it say?" Jet asked.

Spike paused. "It says…'You've just been hit by a'…wait, I can't read that…"

"I do believe it says _'smooth'_, Spike."

"Oh, thank you Jet. It says, 'You've just been hit by a _smooth_ criminal'…" Spike paused again as he squinted at the picture in the middle of the paper. "You know that this picture looks an awful look like that blonde spiky kid…"

"It's a caricature, Spike."

"Right…wait…" Spike growled. "BLAST THOSE LITTLE BRATS!" He crumpled the paper and clenched his teeth. "THEY'VE OUTSMARTED US!"

Down the road…

"HA! Didn't even see that coming!" Demonte laughed as he continued to jog down the street. "Hey, they plowed the streets."

"Yeah, the snow has finally disappeared from the roads." Nick grinned. "Thanks for the help back there."

"Hey wait for me!" The four turned back to Vash, who was quickly catching up to them. "We'd better get to my house. Those guys will be after us any time now." He glanced at Demonte. "All right, Kalabis, even YOU can come too."

"I'm glad to see that you're back to your same old disgusted self, Vash." Demonte grinned innocently.

"Yeah, well, let's just go before I change my mind." Vash rolled his eyes.

Meanwhile…

"So…on the first evening of pebble…" Rem sang softly as she finished the dirty laundry. "…from somewhere out of nowhere drops upon the dreaming world…" She dropped the clothes into the washer and set it on medium. "So…"

**RUSTLE**

RUSTLE

Rem halted and turned in the direction of the furnace nearby.

"Yeah…that feels good…" Came a soft moan from a female.

Curious as to see what it was, Rem quietly crept to the furnace, the strange noises getting louder.

"You know that you're my woman, Claire…" A male voice this time.

Feeling more confident, Rem picked up her pace and walked around the side of the furnace. When she realized what she had walked in on, she nearly fainted.

"ALEX!" Rem screamed as she looked at the fully clothed (A/N: Sorry to all the perverts out there…) woman in Alex's arms. "What is the meaning of this!?"

Alex, looking VERY bewildered, shook the woman from his arms and pointed an accusing finger at her. "REM! Thank the melons that you're here! She MADE me do it!"

"WHAT!?" Claire and Rem shouted in unison.

"You jerk! You said that you were single!" Claire whapped him across the arm before storming up the stairs.

Anger clouded Rem's face and she crossed her arms over her chest. Alex laughed nervously and hastily continued to speak. "Now Rem, it's NOT what you think."

"Oh REALLY!?" Rem flared. "It's NOT is it?"

"…No." Alex replied meekly.

"I REALLY thought that you had changed, Alex. This isn't the FIRST, nor the second, or even the THIRD time I've caught you doing this! I kicked you out before, and by God I'll do it again!" Rem turned on her heel and vanished up the stairs.

"Huh!? Now wait a minute Rem! You can't do that to me! I'm ALEX! You know, SEXY ALEX!"

He followed her to her bedroom where she began to pack.

"Wait, I thought that I was leaving." Alex began.

"YOU ARE!" Rem roared. "I'M going on a WELL DESERVED vacation!"

"Where!?" Alex huffed.

Rem looked up and pointed a dictating finger at him. "YOU don't need to know that. It IS Christmas Vacation after all. I can go WHERE EVER I please."

Rem grabbed her suitcases and descended the stairs. She looked outside and growled. "Great. NO CARS."

"I see…" Alex said with a big grin. "Guess that that means you'll have to stay here…"

"NOT A CHANCE!" Rem spat back. "I'll use PLAN B!"

Meanwhile, some ways away from the house…

"Boy it sure is cold outside…" Milly commented as she rubbed her hands together.

"Here Milly," Nick said as he draped an arm over her. "How's that?"

"Oh…" Milly blushed. "T-Thank you, Nick…"

"Hey…isn't that Rem coming down the road?" Meryl asked as she scouted ahead.

"…You're right," Vash said. "Hey…where did she get the truck?"

Rem pulled up beside the kids and rolled down the window. "Get in." She commanded.

"Um…why?" Vash asked.

"Because, MORON," All eyes were peeled on the back window as Knives and Legato came into view. "Rem is going on vacation." Knives replied.

"Knives?" Vash asked.

"Legato?" Demonte's brows knitted together. "What are you doing here? I thought that I saw you at the Sil––"

"Don't keep talking, Kalabis, you're hogging vacation time!" Knives slapped the side of the car with his hand.

"But my family is in jail…" Meryl protested.

"Ditto," Demonte added.

"Who cares!?" Rem growled. "They'll be here when you get back."

"Well my parents don't know WHERE I'm at, currently, so, COUNT ME IN!" Nick cheered.

"But…My parents…" Milly started.

"We'll call them on the road," Rem told her. "Now are you guys going or not?"

"Rem, just a slight problem…" Vash pointed out.

"What?" Rem asked, starting to get irritated.

"Well, there's eight of us here but the truck (which I have absolutely NO idea where you got that cause I crashed the other truck at Porkchop's Supermarket) only seats five people and, in case you haven't noticed, there's eight of us here, including you…"

"So? Three will have to sit in the back of the truck!"

"But…isn't that illegal?" Vash whimpered.

Rem growled angrily and Vash nodded.

"Of course it's not. What was I thinking?"

"I get front seat!" Nick shouted as he raced around the other side of the truck.

"Oooh! I want back!" Milly chirped and followed after Nick.

"Well…" Demonte started, gesturing to himself, Meryl, and Vash. "Guess we get the tailgate."

Meryl climbed into the back and Vash glared at Demonte.

"I'm sitting next to Meryl," Vash told him.

"Sure." Demonte shrugged.

"…Really?" Vash asked, surprised.

"Why should I care?"

"Um…" Vash turned his head. "No reason."

"GET IN ALREADY!" Knives yelled from the front.

Stunned by Demonte's response, Vash slowly climbed into the back of the truck and plopped down beside Meryl as Demonte sat on the far backside.

"Are we IN now!?" Rem sighed. "GOOD. LET'S go!"

"Um, Rem?" Vash called up front. "WHERE exactly are we going?"

"Down south. Where there's no snow." Rem muttered and sped off down the road.

Meanwhile…

"Great…NOW we're in for it…" Spike sighed as he sat back in his chair, as Jet shoved his face into a bowl full of noodles and rice.

"Hey, look on the bright side," Jet said with a mouth full of food. "At least we aren't going down without food."

"What's THAT have to do with anything!?" Spike rolled his eyes. "The Boss is going to kill US! We lost the Preacher Kid AGAIN! Who KNOWS where he is now."

As if on cue, the door swung open and a dark figure stood there, haunting the doorway.

"B-Boss!" Jet and Spike straightened. "Y-You're back!"

The Boss stormed past Spike and yanked the rice bowl out of Jet's hand.

"I leave and come back to find you with THIS!?" The Boss snapped at Jet. "You two good-for-nothing morons lost the kid!"

"Um," Jet spoke up. "Technically we aren't entirely SURE that that is our kid, Boss."

**SNAP!**

The Boss jerked his body down towards Jet, grabbing his coat.

"Are YOU talking BACK to me?"

"Geez Boss, you're in a great mood today." Spike changed the subject. "What seems to be the problem?"

"Nothing of importance," The Boss released Jet's coat. "I'll let your miserable failure slide just this once. But after this…No more Mister Nice Boss…"

Several hours later…

"Ah, the warm beaches of the Pacific!" Knives marveled. "And no snow!"

"Hey, just out of curiosity, since we didn't pack anything," Nick started. "Where are we going to get the extra change of clothes, Rem?"

Rem remained silent.

"Well…I mean, since I'm still wearing PINK and all…" Nick trailed off.

"I'm going to find a hotel room first." Rem finally said. "Tomorrow, you all are going camping."

"We are?" Knives asked.

"RIGHT now, you all are going to play miniature golf."

"Awwww, but REM!" Knives folded his arms over his chest. "I hate miniature golf. Besides, aren't we a little OLD for it?" 

"Yay!" Milly clapped her hands together. "I love miniature golf."

"I'll bet you do, Honey," Nick grinned from in the front seat.

In the back of the truck…

"Can you hear what they're talking about?" Demonte asked.

"…No," Vash said, dully.

Several minutes later, the car was parked in front of the miniature golf building and the seven kids got out.

"Here's the money, and I'll be back to pick you up later." Rem told them.

"Aw, Rem! Why are you in such a hurry to get rid of us?" Vash pouted.

"Because I need to find a hotel room and go shopping. LIVE with it." Rem snapped.

She suddenly drove off in the truck and Vash watched as she sped away.

"Aww…" He sighed.

"Wonder what her problem is…" Knives shrugged.

"Oh well, let's just play." Demonte said, jerking a thumb towards the building.

The seven entered, paid for the course, and grabbed their golf balls and clubs.

"All right, I'll be score keeper!" Nick offered.

The first hole was simple. A robotic spider dangled above the hole, swinging back and forth.

"I'll go first," Demonte volunteered.

"WAIT!" Knives screamed. "That CURSED spider! You have to kill the spiders to save the butterflies! DIE!" Knives dash forward, club in hand, and proceed to bash the poor robotic spider, ripping it from the plastic tree it hung from. The wires sizzled and Knives continued to beat the spider with the club. Then he turned and whacked the plastic tree. The tree cracked and toppled over until it smashed a nearby soda stand.

"AHHHHH!!!!" The innocent players and civilians cried as the stand collapsed.

"Kniiiives…" Vash whined. "You ruined their fun!"

"Precisely, dear brother! Clap for me!" Legato was the only one who clapped for Knives.

"Well since hole one is defected, should we skip it?" Meryl asked.

"Nah," Nick waved his hand. "We'll still continue."

Demonte went first, getting a nice par for the first hole. Knives pushed his way to the front, INSISTING that he go second.

"I am VERY GOOD at miniature golf," He bragged. "WATCH the pro IN ACTION!" Knives set his ball down on the green and swung hard. "FORE!" He shouted as the ball went sailing out of the park and landed on the other side of the fence…somewhere.

"So, how did I do?" Knives asked, not taking his eyes off of where the ball had landed.

"Well…You DO get a two stroke penalty for hitting out of bounds…" Nick told him.

"WHAT!?" Knives jerked his head around to see Nick.

"That's something you should be proud of…" Nick grinned. "And it's an additional stroke for every minute the ball remains out of bounds."

"YOU'RE MAKING THAT PART UP, WOLFWOOD!"

"Well, while Knives goes to look for the ball, let's let Legato go." Milly said.

Knives grumbled as he stomped over to the fence and began to climb over it. Legato set his ball out on the green and shook The Great One.

"Master…how should I go about swinging the club?" Everyone groaned.

_Stand over there…_

Legato took two steps to the left. "Here, Master?"

_No, to the right…_

Legato moved over to the right. "Here, Master?"

_Now move up…_

Twenty minutes later, Meryl and the others finally heard a "FOUND IT!" from Knives and Legato was STILL trying to focus in on his swing.

"Here, Master?"

_Now swing…_

Legato tapped the ball gently, watching as it rolled towards the hole.

"Hey what's the hold up!?" Angry mobs of people began to gather behind Meryl and the others. They nervously ignored the enraged players as the ball FINALLY fell into the hole.

"Hole in one!" Legato told them as he went to retrieve the ball.

"Let's just move up to say…hole five?" Demonte suggested to Meryl, who nodded and told the others.

"Okay," Nick said, crossing off holes one through four. "Hole five."

"I'LL swing first this time," Vash told Demonte.

"Suit yourself," Demonte shrugged.

The fifth hole was played rather smoothly…until it became Knives' turn.

"Okay Knives," Vash explained. "The objective of the game is to NOT hit the ball out of bounds. Do you see that little hole over there?" Vash pointed to the hole a little ways down the green.

"Yes."

"Aim for that and don't hit so hard."

Knives stood straight, and prepared to swing. He hit the ball, which went bouncing off the course and landed in a bush.

"Ah! Yet ANOTHER two stroke penalty!" Nick marked off the score.

"Shut up!" Knives shouted. "I'll get it this time." Knives swung again and it landed on the far end of the course. "I will GET it…" He vowed.

Eighteen strokes later, Knives was STILL on the same hole, trying to get the ball into the hole.

"Knives you were supposed to stop after SIX strokes!" Demonte told him.

"SHUT UP! I'm NOT going to stop UNTIL I get this blasted ball into the hole!"

"Oh no, not THESE kids again!" The angry people from before were right behind Meryl and the group again. Everyone groaned as the enraged mob began to scream once again.

"AHA! I got it!" Knives cheered. "And it only took me twenty-two strokes!"

"My turn…" Legato said.

"Ohhhh noooo," Meryl grabbed his arm. "It'll be your turn over here…where the pirate ship is."

The sixth hole was on a pirate ship, surrounded by six feet of water.

"You definitely DON'T want to hit your ball into the water here…" Vash commented as he looked over the railing.

"Me first," Legato said as he pulled out The Great One. Demonte quickly took it from him and laughed. "The Great One said that he wanted you to figure this hole out for yourself, Legato."

Legato blinked, but nodded. He set the ball down on the ground and hit the ball hard. The ball was sent flying and Legato used his mind melding powers to bring the ball back onto the course, hitting people in the head and breaking windows and other things, and landed in the hole.

"Hole in one!" Legato cheered.

"…He cheated." Vash whispered to Nick.

"I have it under control…" Nick grinned as he wrote down a '20' under the score. "Heh, THAT'LL teach him."

"STAND ASIDE MORTALS!" Knives shouted as he pushed everyone out of the way and set the ball down on the green. He swung back and hit the ball. The ball arched and hit the side of the pirate ship, bouncing and hitting the mast.

The mast broke and fell down upon the boat.

"AHHH!" Everyone screamed as they watched the mast crack the ship in half. The side that Knives was on began to sink into the water while the other half began to pull away from the sinking half.

"Master!" Legato reached down to help Knives and Knives grabbed his arm…a little TOO hard. Legato was pulled into the water along with the sinking ship.

The ball, meanwhile, was not done causing havoc. After it hit the mast, it crashed through the floor of the floating side of the ship, springing a leak.

"That…can't be good…" Nick said. Everyone turned and made a break for the exit of the ship, but being so much in a hurry, no one could escape.

"HEY! QUIT PUSHING!"

"LET ME GO FIRST!"

"VASSSSH! THAT WAS MY FOOT!"

"Sorry, Meryl."

The ball was still bouncing, hitting the sides of the ship, and breaking all the windows of the pirate ship. Suddenly, the side that had hoarded all of the other Trigun cast members began to tip backwards and sink into the water.

"Um…I think that it is safe to say that…this isn't good." Nick watched as the ship began to tip over.

"I regret moving away from my town," Demonte sighed.

All at once, the ship plowed to the bottom of the pool, causing a massive chain reaction of extremely bad things. First off, as the ship sank to the bottom of the pool (sending all seven kids to their ultimate doom) a giant tsunami built up high above the pool's edge and crashed into the park.

As all became flooded and everyone's good time was ruined, the people began to panic, running from the golf course before they were consumed within the hefty flood. And simply put, everything that WAS run on electricity in the park…no longer worked. Meaning the power went out and half of the courses just quit working. Yeah. In other words, the fun was over for everyone.

Not to mention that because the water had overflowed and ruined all of the power circuits, the park resulted in a nice explosion from the main building and the fire soon fed to the outside courses and well, that was the end of miniature golf. ^_^

But we can't end the catastrophe here, can we?

"HEY! IT'S THOSE STUPID KIDS AGAIN!" Oh, look! Here comes the enraged mob. "THEY'RE HOGGING THE HOLE! SOMEONE CALL SECURITY!"

Legato found the scorecard under the water and looked at it.

"A 20!? YOU'RE CHEATING NICHOLAS!" He turned and used mind-melding powers on Nick.

"AHHH!!!!!!" Nick screamed as his arm jerked backwards.

Rem found the kids outside of the park, drenched and looking miserable. She rolled down the window, concerned, but obviously in a better mood. "What happened?" She asked. "What are you doing?"

"Trying to run from the cops," Knives muttered. "Miniature golf didn't go EXACTLY as planned, unfortunately."

"Can we go to the hotel room now?" Vash whined and Rem sighed.

"No one is getting in the car looking like that. Everyone jump into the back."

Everyone groaned as they hopped into the back. What a ROTTEN day. ^_^

LOL There's been too much plot lately and not enough stupidity so, HERE YA GO! R&R as always please…nicely and I'll get back to ya all soon!

BLD


	12. Lupin The Third

Disclaimer: Don't own Lupin, Jet or Spike from Cowboy Bebop, Trigun, The Goofy Movie, or the bear featured in the story lol.

****

If you are a Lupin fan, please read this because it just might be enough to spare your soul pain and misery if you obsessive over him like I do Trigun. ^_^ If you choose not to, I don't want to hear any complaining on how YOU didn't know about * spoiler * taking place in the story. Now listen here my fellow friends and please try to understand this well. I'm not trying to discriminate against any kind of anime, especially Lupin the Third.

However, a price must be paid and **I** will be the one who does it. Oh, and my good friend Yami-Garo too. Go read Bullets Of A Feather. Anyway, I want you all to know that this started about four months ago when I picked up my issue of Anime Insider. Inside was a last-man standing match between Vash and Lupin. Now, some of you who actually read the article might say "But no one actually won that match," and I'll respond, yes, technically, but the odds were against Vash. LOL now some might think this really petty of me (in which I'll respond and laugh and say 'love and peace') but I feel that there was some injustice caused and I intend to fix it. Lupin will now be in my story as Vash's rival. ^_^ I don't aim to kill Lupin if that's what you all are thinking, but this fight has inspired me to lean in a different direction with the story and so, to fit the story, Lupin will be out of character. And I'm sorry if this sounds a little harsh but this is the way I'm writing my story; if you don't like it, please don't read it. And if you're confused by all of this (such as you don't read Anime Insider) feel free to e-mail me or talk to a fellow anime fan who knows what happened in the issue. Or if you're confused as to what I'm talking about with Lupin being in the story from now on, please read on and hopefully it will become clear. Thank you. ^_^ Sorry if I sounded a bit rude; I just don't want to get flamed over obsessive things…and actually I shouldn't be the one talking lol.

****

Hunting For The Elusive Mayfly Known As Love…Not

Lupin The Third

Rem checked out three suites (after telling the seven teenagers that they had to pitch in with their own allowances to cover her credit card payments for the hotel rooms. Boy, that's going to amount to a lot. Snicker ^_^) and promptly began to unload her groceries into each of the rooms.

"This will be the boys' room," Rem said.

"But there's only two beds," Vash protested.

"There's a pull-out bed in the corner over there," Rem pointed to the corner of the room. "And there's a couch over there. If someone wants to volunteer to sleep on the floor, then that's fine too."

"Injustice!" Knives roared. "WHY are there five boys, but only TWO girls!? They get a whole SUITE to themselves! I demand attention to my needs."

Legato turned, pulled out a fan, and began to fan his Master.

"Thank you, Legato," Knives sneered.

"Then who is the third room for, Rem?" Vash inquired.

"For myself," She sighed. "I need time…alone."

"I GET THE BED!" Nick pushed his way past the crowd and jumped high into the air, resulting in an immediate face-plant on the bed.

"I demand the second one!" Knives held up his finger and Vash shrugged.

"The pull-out bed is fine for me." Vash said.

Demonte was unsure of sleeping in the same room with Vash, but if Nick was there, he was certain that no harm would come to him. "I'll take the couch," He spoke up.

"Very well," Legato bowed his head. "The Master and I will sleep at the foot of my other Master's bed."

"The Master AND the OTHER Master?" Knives frowned.

"Um…I…" Legato paused. "Forgive me, Master. I will punish myself."

"Enough!" Rem rolled her temples with her index fingers. "I've already unpacked all your clothes in both rooms, so if you'll excuse me, I'm going back to my room to start in a premeditated act of sending myself into a melancholy state."

Rem turned and unhappily plodded back to her room.

Meryl shrugged. "Come on, Milly, let's leave the boys to their misery."

"But Meryl!" Vash stopped Meryl in her tracks. "If you want to come in and watch TV with us…"

"No thanks," Meryl interrupted and continued to drag Milly to their room.

Vash's hand dropped in mid-air and he looked down towards the ground, sadly.

Once everyone was settled in their rooms, night fell upon the sky and the outside lights around the hotel began to turn on.

Back in the boys' room, Demonte was watching with interest as Knives and Nick began to indulge themselves in an argument about sleeping with the curtains to the window open or shut.

"I demand them open!" Nick pulled the curtains open and Knives shoved the preacher-in-training out of the way.

"Screw your stupid words of infinite hatred, WOLFWOOD!" Knives grabbed the curtains and closed them with immediate action and extreme prejudice. "EVERYONE knows that sleeping with the curtains closed is MUCH better than sleeping with them open. After all, the Pioneers lived in complete darkness with their candles lit around the room and them sitting in the center, crying."

"The Lord created the light and darkness and thus his grand creations will have permission to flow elegantly throughout this room!" Nick tore the curtains from Knives, ripping them open.

"May death consume you Wolfwood!" Knives tackled Nick to the ground as Legato, Demonte, and Vash watched in the back of the room, puzzled.

Nick tugged on the curtains and successfully wound up pulling them down upon Knives and himself.

"NOW you've done it!" Knives looked at the broken curtains and then jumped to his feet. "We must undo this act of wrong as quickly as possible."

Knives began to shove and unskillfully push the curtains back into place.

Then the curtains fell out the window.

"Oops…" Knives blinked and watched as the curtains fell three stories down and crash-landed on the Manager of the hotel.

"UMPH!" The Manager collapsed after the sneak attack of the curtains and fell into the pool nearby.

"Dear Lord, he's going to drown!" Nick pushed Knives out of the way, unbuttoning his shirt.

"You're going to JUMP three stories to the pool!?" Demonte cried.

"He's going to die!" Nick jumped onto the windowsill. "As a man of the cloth, I MUST attempt to save him, no matter WHAT the cost!"

Suddenly, the light above the pool blew out as sparks began to emit from the flaring light bulb and poured into the pool. Finally, the sizzling ceased and the entire lamp combusted into flames, falling into the pool and setting it on fire as well.

Nick watched as a blackened and charred body emerged amongst the flames and he quietly began to step down from the windowsill and button back up his shirt. "Nevermind," He muttered.

Nick bowed his head, praying softly. "He was a good manager who gave us sweet deals on these rooms. May he rest in peace…" Nick spoke the eulogy sadly. He turned and flung himself into Knives' arms. "Knives! He's dead and I was powerless to stop it!" Nick wept.

Knives rolled his eyes and pushed Nick from him. "For crying out loud, Wolfwood, it was ONLY a pathetic human ANYWAY."

"You mean he died!?" Vash wailed.

"You were a little slow to pick up on that, Vash," Demonte mumbled.

"No! Why do such horrible things have to happen this way!? WHY!?" Vash crumpled to his knees and buried his face into his hands.

Demonte shook his head as Knives just sighed and plopped down on the couch, turning on the TV and flipping through the channels. Legato began to fan him with banana leaves that he stole from the front lobby.

Meanwhile, in the front lobby…

"Hey…the banana tree looks a little different today…" The receptionist scratched his head. Suddenly, the tree began to grow sad from neglect and wilted and died and then spontaneously combusted, engulfing the entire lobby in flames.

Back in the boys' room…

"I'm going swimming," Demonte announced as Nick and Vash still continued to cry and Knives just waved him off.

Demonte changed into his swimming trunks, grabbed his towel and flip-flops, and walked down to the Jacuzzi since the pool was currently inoperable.

Demonte tossed his towel over the railing and turned his head to see the pool, which was still illuminant with flames. In fact, the fire was so high that they soared above the hotel. From overhead, Demonte saw helicopters pouring water onto the roaring fire.

He leaned backwards into the Jacuzzi, relaxed, and closed his eyes as he enjoyed the sights (of, lol, the pool being consumed by infinite flames of evilness). 

"Perfect, now I have you within my grasp." Demonte abruptly opened his eyes and looked up into Vash's sea-green eyes, which didn't seem to be too friendly at the moment.

"Oh great," Demonte muttered. "Now what? The last I saw of you, you were busy crying on the floor back in the room."

"Yeah, but I couldn't let a perfect opportunity like this get away."

Vash, who was also in his swimming trunks, stepped into the water, throwing his towel over the rail next to Demonte's, and sat across from him.

"That was a quick recovery," Demonte said after a long pause.

"I know, but the good Lord giveth, and the good Lord taketh away. It still leaves me grief-stricken, but I have more important matters to deal with."

"Such as?" Demonte asked.

"Do you love Meryl?" Vash blurted out.

Demonte blinked. Boy, wasn't that just blunt? _'So this is what it's all about?'_ Demonte thought to himself. _'THIS is why he hates me so much?'_

"Of course I do." Demonte answered. "She's a great friend."

"You know what I mean, Kalabis." Vash frowned.

"Aw, you've reverted back to calling me 'Kalabis' instead of 'Demonte'. And I thought that we were getting on good terms, too. Besides, I won at DDR, didn't I?"

"I said that you didn't have to leave town, Kalabis. I never said anything about calling you by your first name."

Demonte nodded. "True, true. No, Vash, I'm not in love with Meryl. Why ever do you ask?"

Vash snapped his open jaw shut. "No reason. I just didn't want to see her get mixed up with the wrong guys."

"You mean moi?" Demonte laughed. "That hurts Vash. So tell me, what's the REAL reason you hate me?"

"That…" Demonte waited for the answer. "…is a secret." Demonte was displeased with Vash's response. 

"Well now, that's not a nice response." Demonte said. "This was all over Meryl, wasn't it?"

"Well, it's getting late and after all we're going camping very early so I'd better get to bed." Vash stepped out of the Jacuzzi and grabbed his towel.

"Hey!" Demonte jumped up after him. "We aren't finished Vash! You can't just leave without answering me!"

But Vash was already walking back towards the door.

"Wake up! Wake up!" Knives reached over and flipped the TV on, turning up the volume full blast.

"Awwwww," Everyone (except Legato, who had earmuffs on as well as a matching pair for The Great One) flipped over onto their stomachs and held their pillows over their heads.

Suddenly, someone from the floor above them began to beat on the floor. "SHUT UP!" Came from the room above the boys. 

"SILENCE, SPIDER!" Knives reached for an extensive lamp sitting in the corner of the room and began to thrust it into the ceiling. Plaster began to rain down onto the floor.

"WHY I OUTTA…" The person from the room above jumped out of the bed and stormed out of the room.

"That will teach them." Knives smirked.

Less than two minutes later, banging erupted at the front door.

"Allow me, Master," Legato said as he removed his earmuffs, patted The Great One, and removed himself from his sleeping bag. He opened the door, and met the angered eyes of an old man, brandishing his cane through the air.

"You little Hooligans need to learn a thing or two about respect for other people!"

"I second that!" Vash agreed from within the room.

"Shut up Vash," Knives chucked a pillow at his brother. "Legato!" He called to the door. "Your Master is displeased! Remove this man from our doorway IMMEDIATELY!"

"What is the purpose of your existence?" Legato asked the old man standing before him. "Surely you must be eliminated."

"What?" The old man's eyebrows lifted in puzzlement.

"You are leaving now." Legato waved his hand to the left and the old man's body forcefully turned and glided across the carpet to the staircase.

"Huh? What? W-WHAT ARE YOU DOING!? PUT ME DOWN NOW!"

"Goodbye," Legato muttered as he snapped his fingers and the old man was tossed down the staircase and crashed through the floor to the one below where other unsafe noises and collisions were heard. Oh yes, and in case you were wondering, there WAS an explosion in the kitchen. ^_^

"All right everyone, ready?" Rem was obviously in a better mood today.

All the teenagers were dressed in hiking gear, tugging on the straps to their backpacks.

"Question," Knives said dully as he raised his hand. "Just WHY are we going camping again?"

"I'm going out to spend the next few days with Barbara," Rem explained. Barbara was an old high school friend of Rem's. "I'll come by and pick you up on Tuesday."

"Awww, that's THREE days from now…" Vash whined.

"Don't worry Vash," Milly said enthusiastically. "Tonight, there's going to be a meteor shower!"

"All right!" Knives was happier now. "Destruction and absolute chaos!"

"Well now, I'm going to drop you off at Orlean's Peak and I'll let you go from there."

Vash grabbed Rem's shirtsleeve. "Won't you be worried about us, Rem?"

"Of course not," Rem smiled. "You're all big boys and girls now Vash. You'll be fine."

Vash sighed. "That's NOT what I meant…"

"Everyone in the car!" Rem ordered.

Half an hour later, the resort was coming into view. Rem pulled off the road and onto a dirt path and then stopped the car.

"I don't even see a forest trail," Vash frowned.

"Oh come on Needle-Noggin," Wolfwood laughed. "It will be the trail we blaze!"

Vash paused. "You took that from Road To El Dorado. You REALLY need to stop watching movies and playing video games."

"Here we go again I guess," Meryl sighed as she hopped off the back of the truck.

"Come on Meryl," Demonte grinned. "It won't be THAT bad. We can feed Vash to a bear."

Meryl smiled. "That might not be such a bad idea."

"No way Wolfwood!" Meryl and Demonte heard Knives yell. "I'M taking charge of this motley crew! **I **get to lead!"

"Over my dead body!" Nick argued.

Knives cracked his knuckles. "THAT can be arranged…"

"Boys! Boys!" Milly stepped in between them. "Let's just get moving before anyone DIES."

And so about an hour later, the 'motley crew' made it to their campsite in the middle of a clearing surrounded by a thicket of trees and bushes. 

Meryl unzipped her pack and began to tug at the tent. "Milly, a little help here."

"Coming Meryl," Milly jogged over to her friend.

"I think that's our cue too," Demonte turned to Nick. "Where's the tent at, Nick?"

"In the pack over there," Nick jerked a finger to the right. "With everyone's stuff."

"All right," Demonte rolled his sleeves up. "Let's get started.

So four tents were pitched total. Er, four and a half. One to house Vash and Knives, one to house Legato, one to house Nick and Demonte, one to house Meryl and Milly, and the other…um…

"Master, is this comfy for you? How about if it rains? Will you be okay?" Legato tucked The Great One inside of the mini-sized tent, cuddling it in blankets and pillows.

__

I am comfy, Slave…

"Most excellent, Master," Legato grinned. "Shall I bring you anything?"

__

I'm hungry…feed me.

"Right away Master…" Legato bowed and took his leave of the little plastic ball.

"All right how about a nature walk?" Knives said. "That way we can find all those cute woodland creatures and have a large variety of what we're going to eat tonight."

"Knives we aren't eating the woodland creatures!" Vash screamed at his twin. "How COULD you even think of such a horrible thing!?"

"It's easy," Knives shrugged. "First I just get extremely depressed and anti-social and then I…"

"Forget I asked." Vash glared daggers at Knives.

"Actually, a nature walk sounds wonderful!" Milly smiled.

"And I agree, Honey," Nick sidled his arm around Milly's shoulders and she blushed.

"All right, all right, get a room you two," Knives OBVIOUSLY ruined the romantic moment between the two. Nick and Milly quickly stepped away from each other, their faces beat-red. "We're going to find a high hilltop to watch the meteor shower from. I brought my EXCLUSIVE telescope in case something INTERESTING happens."

Everyone blinked but set their course for the 'nature walk'. Twenty minutes later, the crew was lost.

"I like being lost! What are you wussies whining about now!?" Knives shouted over his shoulder.

"All for impeaching Knives and skinning him with a used toothpick, raise your hand." Nick rose his hand as he spoke.

The hands of Meryl, Demonte, and Vash extended high into the air.

"With the exception of skinning him, I'm willing to impeach him." Vash's eyes narrowed.

"I heard that!" Knives jerked his head around to face the party. "One more word out of YOU and I'll have Legato twist your body inside out."

Suddenly, a large growl reverberated in the air.

"THAT was another WORD!" Knives shook a dictating finger at the crew. "Now prepare to be disemboweled!"

"Um Knives…" Meryl spoke up, slowly. "That wasn't us…"

"Shut up…liar." Knives snorted.

"Don't call Meryl a liar, Knives!" Vash rose to the petite girl's defense.

"Yes it was!" Knives shouted back.

"Um…Knives…" Milly's voice quivered. "B-Behind you…"

Knives rolled his eyes and turned around.

"What?" His gaze stopped short on a tall black bear. "Big deal, it's just a stuffed animal."

Suddenly, the bear rose to its hind legs, rising seven feet into the air. It jerked back its mighty head and gave a fearsome roar.

"That's…not good, is it?" Nick pointed to the bear.

"DEAR LORD! RUN FOR IT!" Vash shouted as he turned on his heels to run back the other way.

The seven broke out into a great panic, scattering each and every way into the forest. Nick grabbed Milly's wrist and took off towards the nearest tree, where they quickly scrambled up it.

The bear began to chase Vash, who was the closest to the front, and Vash's wails could be heard all around the forest parts as he zigzagged back and forth between trees.

"Brother, you moron!" Knives shook his fist into the air from his perch atop of the tree he was taking shelter in. "Sacrifice yourself so that we may be saved from that wretched creature!"

"Knives!" Demonte glared at the platinum blonde sitting beside him in the treetop.

Meryl hadn't bothered to take shelter in the trees like everyone else had. She, for some reason, was too scared watching Vash being chased by a bear.

__

'I have to stop it,' She looked around for something to aid her in her attack. _'But what can I use?'_

"GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!" Vash shouted as he picked up speed and circled around the tree his brother and Demonte were hiding on.

"Vash! Get out of here!" Knives shooed. "Go lead the bear around Wolfwood's tree!"

But Vash only began to scramble up the tree, clinging to the branches for dear life. The bear stood on hind legs and took a mighty swipe to the tree, shaking it violently from side to side.

"VASH! GET OFF OUR TREE!" Knives began to kick at Vash's arms and push him off.

Suddenly, the bark began to crack beneath all the weight piled upon it and the bear's constant attacks.

"TIMBER!" Nick sang as the tree holding the three boys began to teeter to one side and then collapse with a big break.

The bear, happy with these results, prepared to pounce on top of the boys.

"LOOK WHAT YOU DID YOU JERK!" Knives bellowed to his twin. 

Demonte pushed himself to his feet and dodged the massive pummeling the bear proceeded to give. Knives was crushed under the weight of the bear as the bear Sumo-dived on top of the platinum blonde as Vash rolled out of harm's way.

Meryl picked up a rock and cocked her arm back, letting the rock fling from her hand and hitting the bear in the head.

Somewhat annoyed, the bear turned, ready to charge at its new prey.

"Meryl! Get out of the way!" Nick shouted to his best friend, as Meryl stood there, frozen in terror as the bear lunged for her.

Vash immediately tackled the bear's side, pressing his weight against the bear's, and rolling across the ground.

"I will never let you touch the girl of my dre––UMPH!!!" Vash was cut off as the bear sat on Vash, grinning happily. (Bears can grin? …Kooky…)

"Oh…dear Lord," Demonte watched as the bear wrestled with Vash…the bear mostly winning.

"Vash!" Meryl screamed in horror. "Vash, don't die!"

"Master," Legato peeked around the bush that he was hiding behind and Knives turned his head. "The Great One is hungry…STARVING, and he wants ME to feed him."

"Okay 'Mister-Spirited-Away'," Knives' brows knitted together. "What is it?"

"The bear…The Great One wishes to feast upon him."

Knives sighed heavily. "So now you want to ruin my entertainment!?" Knives gestured to the bear who had now picked Vash up by his legs, and pile-drove him into the ground.

"Yes," Legato replied.

Knives shook his head and growled. "You will suffer for this, Legato."

Legato grinned widely and then looked down at The Great One.

"Master…" Legato began.

"A~**HEM!**" Knives glared.

"I mean, Oh Great One, shall I kill this bear for you?" He proceeded to shake the magic 8 ball up and down.

__

…Yes…

Legato then clenched his fist and the bones in the bear's back began to snap in half. The bear dropped Vash in mid-air and then fell onto the ground. Suddenly the bear's arm unwillingly rose and plunged into its chest, retrieving its heart.

Blood stained the black fur of the bear, creating a massive rich colored puddle beneath him. The bear paused and then dropped its heart to the ground, the muscle still beating against the dirt. The bear struggled to stand again, but only succeeded in thundering to the ground, dead.

"Well, at least we know what we're going to eat tonight." Knives commented a moment later.

Vash, still breathing heavily after his fight, shot a nasty look at his twin.

"Vash!" Vash turned his head back to the petite girl running towards him. Meryl dove into his arms, looking him over carefully. "Vash, are you hurt!? You're not bleeding are you?" 

Vash blinked, and then held Meryl by the shoulders. "Meryl…I should be asking if YOU are all right…"

Meryl flushed, and looked up into Vash's sea-green eyes. "You saved me," She whispered.

"I would never let anyone or anything hurt you…" Vash leaned closer to Meryl as he brushed her hair from her face. "Never, ever…"

Their breathing stilled as they fell closer to each other's waiting lips…

…and then…

A roaring automotive shook violently against the ground, trampling trees and bushes. The romantic moment was ruined as everyone's attention turned to the oncoming automobile. In the distance, everything green and pretty was CRUSHED to the ground and suddenly, the sun was blotted out as a HEFTY trailer came into view and finally into the clearing that the seven were in.

The large tan trailer ran over the black bear, splattering guts all over its tires and the forest ground and finally halted in front of everyone. Knives and Legato jumped back as a wall to the trailer opened and crash-landed onto the ground, smothering a bush.

The open room turned into a portable bowling alley, complete with ball, pins, and runway. Suddenly, a satellite dish emerged from the top of the RV and a swimming pool fell from another room inside the RV. Along with the pool came a barbecue grill on the other side of the RV, a game room, a relaxation section, complete with umbrella, chair, and sports drink.

Why, that whole RV could've turned into a mansion if it wanted to, and if you've ever seen The Goofy Movie, then you know what I'm talking about. ^_^ 

"ALL RIGHT! THIS IS A **PERFECT** CAMPING SPOT!" Came a loud and obnoxious voice from inside of the trailer. "Let's set up the barbecue grill right away!"

"Who are these hosers?" Knives jerked a thumb to the RV.

"Shall I liquidate them Master?" Legato asked.

"No, not yet," Knives responded and then saw Legato looking down at The Great One. "…LEGATO!"

Legato fumbled with the magic 8 ball and quickly stuffed it under his arm. "So sorry temporary Master."

Knives growled. 

"Ah, refreshing air!" A boy (about the crew's age) walked down the trailer steps, arms outstretched, and jumped to the ground. The man paused and looked down. "Daryl! The red carpet!"

"So sorry Boss," A man who was shorter than his Boss with curly brown hair stooped down low and laid a crushed red velvet carpet down in front of him.

"Much better." The Boss inhaled deeply as he stepped onto it.

"Who's the 60's reject?" Nick whispered to Demonte and Milly.

The '60's reject' that Nick was referring to was none other than Lupin the Third, wearing his stylish red jacket, blue jeans, pink tie, and navy blue shirt.

"Ah, so I see we have an audience!" Lupin straightened his coat and strolled over to Milly. "And a lovely audience at that." He put an arm around her shoulder. "So babe, what do you say to having dinner with me in my humble abode?"

"Sure!" Milly chirped. "Is there going to be pudding too?"

"Baby," Lupin crooned. "You can have my pudding anytime."

From behind the couple, Nick's face was beginning to turn red with fury and steam began to pour from his ears.

"Get…your hands…away…from Milly…" Nick growled. Lupin obviously didn't hear him.

"And LOOKIE here!" Lupin glanced at his lackeys. "Yet ANOTHER beautiful babe just awaiting my touch." Lupin wandered over to Meryl, plucked her from Vash's arms, and spun her around.

"Hey!" Vash jumped to his feet, obviously jealous of this newcomer ruining his dreams.

"My name is Lupin," Lupin introduced himself. "Lupin the Third." He brought Meryl's hand up to his lips and gently planted a kiss on her knuckles. "Pleased to meet you…"

"Lupin the Third, huh?" Demonte crossed his arms over his chest. "I've heard of you. You're the grandson of the infamous thief, Arsène Lupin whom just um…steals…"

"A thief!?" Vash roared. "YOU'RE A THIEF!?" Vash towered over Lupin. "Release yourself from this woman, scoundrel and I'll be more lenient on you…"

Lupin snorted and dragged Meryl over to Milly, where he grabbed her arm and began to pull both girls over to his trailer.

"Hey Daryl! Bill! We're gonna have FUN tonight!" Lupin grinned slyly.

"WHAT!?" Nick and Vash raged.

"Gee Boss," Daryl wiped a tear away from his face. "Jigen and Goemon would be proud. Too bad they're pushing up daisies…"

"No they aren't!" Lupin whacked him upside the head. "They're in Las Vegas gambling away all our winnings! Don't be a moron, Daryl!"

Knives was too busy laughing on the ground, clutching his sides, to pay any attention to what was going on. Well, besides the fact that this Lupin guy had a hold of his twin's 'obsession' and the priest-in-training's crush.

"Anywho," Lupin grinned at the girls. "Let me show you around. We have the kitchen, and the bowling alley, and the _love_ seat…"

"LOVE SEAT!?" Nick and Vash were infuriated at this point.

"Milly!" Nick stormed up to the trio and reached for his beloved. "Surely you wouldn't spend one MOMENT of your time associating yourself with someone so disgusting as him!"

"Sure she would," Lupin grinned. "And don't call her 'Shirley'."

Nick's teeth began to grind together. Vash put a supporting hand on Nick's shoulder and stared daggers at Lupin.

"Well I'm sure MERYL would rather spend time with me…"

Meryl was suddenly struck with an idea…one that would get Vash back for breaking her heart (wait, how did that come into her thoughts?) and for beating up poor old Demonte.

_"So, what does Demonte have that you want?"_

She heard Vash jump up from the couch.

"He has the heart of a girl that I love very much!" Vash growled before storming upstairs.

Well if Vash had thought Demonte's presence around her was bad, how would he feel if LUPIN was the new target?

__

'I'll show HIM 'well being'…' Meryl grinned evilly to herself.

"ACTUALLY," Meryl latched onto Lupin. "I would love to spend time with Lupin here." Vash's jaw dropped to the ground. "A life as a thief sounds so INTERESTING to me."

"Gee Meryl," Milly blinked. "I didn't realize that your standards for men was so high…"

"The rebellious kind…" Meryl grinned as she tugged Lupin towards her, a cheesy grin on his face. "…are always the sexiest kind."

Vash was now as furious as Nick and Nick wound up having to hold Vash back.

"Oh _really?_" Vash said snidely. "YOUR kind of men, Meryl?"

Hard to believe that these two were just about to kiss a few minutes before, eh?

"THAT'S right, VASH!" Meryl agreed. "But you have Melissa, REMEMBER?"

"All right, how did this fight ensue again?" Demonte whispered to Legato, who only shrugged.

"THAT'S RIGHT!" Vash nodded his head. "In FACT! I'm going to borrow Knives' cell phone to get her down here tonight!"

"FINE!" Meryl shooed him away.

"FINE!" Vash stormed off, Nick looking after him.

"Needle-Noggin, get back here!" Nick flailed his arms. "YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE HELPING ME!"

"HMPH!" Vash just continued to walk away.

Nick turned back to Milly. "Milly, PLEASE! Don't take off with this loser!"

"Actually I would like to see the inside of Lupin's RV," Milly smiled, oblivious as to WHY Nick didn't want Milly hanging out with Lupin.

"See?" Lupin snorted. "I told you so. Come on girls, I'll show you my trophy room first."

Nick's bottom lip began to tremble as clouds began to roll in rather quickly above and rain began to fall from the sky, followed by thunder and lightning.

"Well that…was interesting…" Demonte turned towards Knives. "Knives, our dinner is ruined. What do you propose we do about this?"

"What do you mean 'dinner is ruined', Kalabis!?" Nick's neck jerked with a sudden CRACK as his eyes darkened and fell upon the teenage boy. "Don't you know that there are more important things on hand right now!?"

"Like what?" Demonte replied nonchalantly.

"Milly just TOOK off away from me and…" Nick held his hands over his heart. "…my love for her and, and, and…" Nick turned, ready to storm into the RV.

"This is great," Knives laughed. "I hope someone gets killed."

Demonte suddenly became much more alive and snatched Nick up by the shoulders.

"Now don't do anything **I** wouldn't, Nick. If you go in there and kill him, then he wins."

"How will he win if he's DEAD you idiot!?" Nick growled. "WHO KNOWS what he could be doing to my POOR, DEFENSELESS, NAÏVE, INNOCENT, MILLY IN THERE!"

"On the contrary, Wolfwood," It might be the other way around…" Knives snickered as Legato clapped for his Master's comment.

"Why I outta…" Nick rolled up his shirtsleeves, looking ready to kill.

"NICK!" Demonte pulled him back. "Stop this! You're acting JUST like Vash!"

"Can you blame us!?" Nick roared. "We're in love with two women who are being held against their will!"

Demonte stepped back, startled. "You knew about Vash's crush the whole time?"

"It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out the mind of Vash the Stampede." Nick rolled his eyes.

Knives cracked up laughing, and fell to the ground.

"Yes, yes we know about that," Demonte said. "But let's find ANOTHER way to settle this…"

"Like how?" Nick scoffed.

Suddenly, a large grin appeared on Demonte's face. "Like you've always said, Nick," Demonte patted Nick on the back. "DDR."

All right, see? Lupin's in the chapter…womanizing ^_^ but Vash and him are enemies and yes everything is out of character and no, Lupin isn't going to die but I demand revenge for the issue of Anime Insider, and if you think that this is all petty and are dying to flame me, I will only laugh at you cause I warned you not to read this, no? Anyway, I'm still sick (for those of you who did know but I'm sick for those of you who didn't) and in a crabby state of mind, so if you'll excuse me, I'm going off to (as Knives said it) "Light candles and sit in the middle of the room, and cry." Then again, I do recall the line being in Grand Theft Auto Vice City as well. grin

R&R (nicely please) and if you're terribly upset about Lupin in this chapter, please let me know in a CALM and DISTINCTIVE way. Or else I'll just laugh. Laugh insanely and hysterically. And I'll keep laughing. Just cause it's so darn funny.

BLD


	13. The Destruction Of The Meteor Shower

Disclaimer: Don't own Ash from Army of Darkness, don't own Trigun, don't own Lupin the Third and I CERTAINLY own The Great One and Demonte lol ^_^

****

Hunting For The Elusive Mayfly Known As Love…Not

Chapter Thirteen

The Destruction Of The Meteor Shower

Vash, in a state of fit and fury, stole Knives' cell phone and dialed his girlfriend's number. He only had to wait a few moments before she picked up the phone.

"Hello?" Came Melissa's soft voice.

"Melissa?" Vash asked.

"Vash?" A short pause. "Just where the heck are you!? I've been trying to call your house for the last few days and no one ever answers! We were supposed to go to the Winter Carnival together, remember!?"

"Yes, yes, I do," He calmed her. "But I got drug off on this spontaneous vacation with Rem down south…where's there no snow."

"And you never CALLED!?"

"What do you think I'm doing now?" Vash changed the subject. "Anyway, the reason I called is because we're gonna spend Christmas here and I have your gift…" That caught Melissa's attention.

"A present? For me? Sure I'll meet you wherever you are! I just got my license day before yesterday!"

__

"Perfect…" Vash grinned evilly. "All right, this is where we are…"

"DDR?" Nick blinked.

Demonte wondered if he was talking with a lisp. "Yeah, DDR, remember? The ultimate way to challenge someone?"

Nick growled. "That's the ultimate way to challenge someone in GUNSMOKE! NOT THIS TROPICAL HELL OF A PLACE!" Nick slapped his hands against his thighs. "Now I'll never get Milly back…"

Knives sighed. "Your whining displeases me Wolfwood…" He turned to Legato. "Slave, use your mind melding powers to bring the female kind out here so that we may continue onwards to the meteor shower! We are wasting daylight!"

But Legato was busy tending to The Great One.

"There, there," Legato crooned as he cuddled The Great One. "It's all over now. That evil man in red is gone."

__

Thank you, Slave…

"Grrrrrr!!!!!" Knives growled. "WHY send a MORON to do a SUPERIOR'S WORK!?" Knives stormed into the trailer, breaking down the door, and grabbed the nearest thing.

Demonte blinked as he listened to the sounds being made from within.

"What? HEY! How did you get in here!?" That was Lupin.

A few noises later…

"Hey! That doesn't go there! H-HEY! LEAVE THAT ALONE!"

Crashing plates and furniture.

"S-STOP THAT! Daryl! Bill! Help me!" Demonte sighed as he held his head in his hands.

"I'll prepare a eulogy," Nick muttered.

"No, don't waste a good eulogy." Demonte told him.

"OH…MY…DEAR LORD! MY CARPET! YOU SPILLED PUNCH ON THE FRIGGIN' CARPET!" Lupin…again.

"You know, Knives could've just saved us time and grabbed the girls without making such a fuss…" Nick pointed out.

"Yes, but then that ruins all the fun," Demonte crossed his arms over his chest. "I mean, LEGATO could've just used his mind-melding powers and…"

"SSSSHHHH!" Nick and Demonte stiffened as they looked at Legato, who pointed to The Great One. "The Master is sleeping…"

"Oh," Nick blinked. "Sorry."

Demonte shook his head as he became nettled by the situation. This trip had been too much for him. "That's it. I'm going to go in there and take care of things myself."

Just then, Knives emerged, dragging Milly and Meryl by the arms. Milly turned back to wave to Lupin.

"Bye Lupin! Thanks for the great hospitality!"

"You're welcome Milly," Lupin waved back as he stuck his head out of the trailer window. The left side of his cheek was red, puffy, and swollen. "Come back and see me sometime."

Knives snorted.

"He should be appreciative that I didn't decide to…"

"ALL RIGHT!" Demonte interrupted as he tapped Nick on the shoulder. Nick glanced up and immediately sprinted forward, leaving dust clouds behind.

"MILLY!" He grabbed Milly and swung her around. "You have come back to me! Did that little urchin hurt you?"

"Jerk!" Everyone turned as Daryl stuck his head out the window and chucked a vase at the crew…and he missed horribly as the vase landed in another direction.

"IDIOT!" Lupin dove out the window. "I NEED THAT!"

"O…kay…I'm going to move away now." Demonte grabbed Meryl and shuffled down the forest trail.

OKAY. MOVING ON…Vash eventually rejoined the party, still scoffing and proceeded to deliver an "intemperate diatribe lambasting" (See those quotations? I am quoting my vocab book lol. So I did not plagiarize, but I DID like that sentence. It sounded…intimidating. ^_^) the actions of his friends…mostly Meryl though. Knives eventually had Legato shut him up…by pushing Vash into that sticker bush back there on the trail…

And dusk eventually came upon them…but before the sky turned entirely black, (leaving a small pink tint color in the clouds) the crew came upon a cabin in the forest…Randomly…

"Now answer me this," Nick blinked. "We are out in the middle of NOWHERE and we just happen to stumble upon a cabin?"

"I think it's something the author is providing as a special treat to one of her readers." Demonte answered.

"Author?" Nick paused. "Wait, does that mean that this is a story?"

MOVING ON!

"Okay, okay, we'll go and explore the cabin…" Nick huffed as he looked up towards the pink sky.

"What's he doing?" Meryl asked Demonte as she pointed to Nick, who was walking towards the cabin.

Demonte shrugged. "Being Nick…as usual."

And since it IS Nick. He is going to do something randomly stupid.

Nick knocked on the door and whipped out a book from nowhere. From within the cabin violent footsteps were heard and finally the door was pulled open…rather suddenly.

"What!?" A voice snapped, saliva particles landing on Nick's face. Nick paused and wiped the spit off of him and then looked at the man.

He was a good-sized man with brown hair and ragged and torn clothing. On his right arm was a chainsaw attached to his wrist where his hand should've been. This did not frighten Nick, however, and he continued to show his 'How To Be A Priest' book and he held it to his chest and looked at the man with sincerity.

"Sir, have you ever given thought to the after life?"

"The _what?_" The man looked at him oddly.

"The Kingdom of His Holiness! The Kingdom of Heaven!" Nick flashed a big grin. "I can see it in your eyes, Sir. You want to be a Priest like me!"

The man blinked once more before the chainsaw attached to his arm became alive and rose to meet the face of the book. Then it sawed Nick's Priest book in half. Nick's bottom jaw fell and trembled as shreds of his book rained to the ground as though they were crying sadly 'Nick…you killed us…'

"GOD NO! PLEASE DON'T DIE!" Nick fell to his knees and gathered up all of the severed pieces of his book and quickly rearranged them, attempting to bring his Priest book back to life.

The man above him sneered and then looked at the rest of the crew.

"Uh…we're not here." Meryl told him. "Please…ignore us."

But Knives was not afraid.

"Tell us your name, mortal!" Knives bellowed as he stepped forward. "Tell me before I bestow the utmost pain upon you."

The man snickered. "My name is Ash. And I would say that it's a pleasure to meet you…but it's not. Now who are you little brats and why are your arses on my property?"

"It was by chance, really," Demonte told him. "We're on our way to the meteor shower on the top of the mountain.

The man seemed to ignore Demonte. Instead he turned his attention to Vash.

"Hey kid. What's your name?"

"Um, oh. It's Vash."

"Vash, eh? Mine's Ash. I can already tell that we have a lot in common."

"And my name's Milly Thom––"

"Shut up!" Ash snapped. "I'm talking to Vash here."

"Hey don't tell Milly to shut up, you overworked stupid Cyborg!" Nick glared up at Ash, who still ignored him.

"So Vash, you're all heading to a meteor shower, right?" Ash, surprisingly, jumped down the steps of his porch and approached Vash.

"Uh, yeah. My friends are and all…" Vash glanced to the chainsaw on his arm. "May I ask what happened?"

"I had to chop off my hand." Ash answered bluntly.

Vash felt a twinge of familiarity in this. Could it be a key to the past…?

And the name was so similar too…

"Oh gee, that sounds horrible…" Milly gasped.

"Didn't I just tell you to shut up?" Ash looked at Milly. "I'm talking to Vash here!"

"If you tell Milly to shut up ONE MORE TIME…" Nick stomped off of the porch.

"This is great," Knives snorted. "Legato, kill the chainsaw man."

"As you wish, Master Knives," Legato bowed and then snapped his fingers.

"So anyway, I'll let you in on a little secret," Ash told Vash. "There's this time warp that goes between the past and the future and it's located in the…UCK!!!!"

Vash jumped backwards as the chainsaw attached to Ash's arm spiraled uncontrollably and his arm forcefully rose to his head.

"WHA-WHAT'S HAPPENING!?" Ash screamed.

"No, no," Knives looked at Legato. "That's too much blood for my poor twin brother to handle. Do it the OTHER way…"

"Oh…sorry Master…" Legato nodded and snapped his fingers again.

"Phew…" Ash fell, relieved once the chainsaw became dead. Suddenly, the chainsaw became unattached from Ash's wrist and fell to the ground, leaving a little stub as to where a hand should've been.

"Oh my!" Meryl jumped backwards (as did everyone else except Knives and Legato) and watched what happened next. Ash toppled over as foam poured from his mouth and his arms were pulled over his body, the bones popping out of socket.

"All right!" Knives laughed. "This is WAY better than watching the meteor shower!"

Meryl paused and then turned her head to Legato.

"LEGATO!" She screamed. "Stop it!"

"Legato's doing this?" Vash looked at the blue-haired psychopath. "HEY!"

"The Master requires blood…" Legato told them plainly.

"TACKLE!!!" Nick jumped on Legato from behind and they both fell to the ground. And so the mind-melding powers ceased and Ash…was furious.

"YOU LITTLE BLOOD WORMS! I'LL RIP YOUR HEARTS OUT!" Ash reached down and grabbed his chainsaw.

"You MORON! Now look what you've done!" Knives spat at Legato. "You ruined all the fun!"

"And now…we're leaving…" Demonte grabbed Meryl's hand and took off for the mountain, everyone else not hesitating to follow after. And Ash…continued to follow.

"All right Legato, NOW you can kill him!" Meryl shouted over her shoulder.

"Yeah, do it Slave!" Knives looked at his counterpart.

"Yes Master…" Legato looked back at Ash, who was still chasing after them and then the ground began to open up…and Ash fell into a giant ditch.

Several painful noises later, everyone stopped to make sure that Ash was dead.

"Oh…fudge…" Was all that was heard from within the ditch.

"Okay, he's not dead but he's not chasing after us either." Meryl glared at her companions. "Can we PLEASE go now and not have any more interruptions?"

Everyone except Knives and Legato agreed.

So about a half-hour later, everyone was sitting atop of the mountain, underneath a tree that had plenty of leaves and thick grass that blanketed the ground. The crew spread out and plopped down on the grass, waiting for the meteors to start. Soon they did and it was a marvelous sight.

"It's so romantic…" Milly said to Nick, who had an arm around her shoulder.

"Yeah," He said, smoothly. _"Now's your chance Nick. Do it!"_

And don't all stories have a happy ending?

"Legato! I'm bored!" Knives pouted. "Make this more exciting!"

"Yes Master…" Legato bowed his head and then looked back up at the sky. Suddenly, two meteors crashed together in a head-on collision and the entire sky was engulfed in flames.

"HEY!" Everyone except the two megalomaniac pyromaniacs (who were maniacs, lol) shouted. The romantic moment spoiled, Milly and Nick scooted away from each other.

"More! More!" Knives cheered.

Legato spotted another meteor and it changed direction and hit Ash's house…causing yet another wreckage.

"HEY YOU STUPID BRATS!!!!" Was heard all the way from the bottom of the mountain. "YOU JUST BLEW MY HOUSE UP!"

"Wow…Ash can sure shout far." Demonte glanced back down the mountain.

"What!? You mean he survived even THAT!?" Knives glared at Legato. "You mess up everything, Legato." Knives stormed off of the mountain.

"N-No wait Master!" Legato jumped after him. "I'll make more explosions!"

"No, don't." Vash narrowed his eyes at the both of them.

"Watch!" Legato pointed to the sky and random meteors began to crash into each other until the sky was so alit with flames, the debris began to fall to the Earth and set the forestry on fire.

"…Whoops…" Legato blinked at the wreckage he had just caused.

"All right!" Knives turned back around. "NOW I'm pleased."

"Knives! The forest is on fire!" Vash jumped to his feet. "What do you mean 'you're pleased'?"

"Isn't it colorful, brother!?" Knives laughed. "Now everyone must suffer!"

"That's it," Meryl grabbed Demonte's hand. "We're going back to camp."

Vash glared off after them…Melissa would be here SOON enough.

So…yeah…everyone avoided the path to Ash's house and went back to camp. The next morning, Knives was elated as he finally got the radio in tune. Demonte, Meryl, and Milly were busy making breakfast.

"Awesome!" Knives grinned. "They're talking about the meteor shower from last night."

"Oh no…" Meryl rolled her eyes.

"…And it was quite a surprising and yet fearful event as the meteor shower from last night resulted in tremendous fires all over the world! Several cities have been engulfed in flames and have still not been extinguished. The mystery enshrouding this catastrophe has yet to be discovered and why so many collisions within the meteors had occurred. This is Brenda Watson at GBS News. And now, back to you Brad…" Knives turned off the radio.

"Thanks a lot Knives. Once they find out that it was us, we're going to jail for a long time." Nick sat upon a log and waited patiently for his breakfast.

"Oh stop your whining, Wolfwood. No one is coming after us. No one could've seen that last night or even PROVE that it was us." Knives laughed as he stuffed the radio under his sleeping bag. "Speaking of which…where the heck IS that moron, Legato? He said he'd only be gone a few minutes. Hey, what's he doing anyway?"

"Taking The Great One for a walk." Milly chirped.

Knives seethed. "He's always with that blasted thing."

"Come to think of it, where is Vash?" Nick glanced at Meryl, who shrugged.

"They better get back soon otherwise they'll miss breakfast." Demonte had already begun to pass out plates.

As if on cue, Legato, with The Great One, walked back up to camp. Legato was holding a piece of paper and was busy reading it when he reached the camp.

"What's that, Legato?" Milly asked.

"They're posted everywhere." Legato answered. "Supposedly, today the park is hosting an air hockey tournament."

"What's the prize?" Meryl asked.

"An all-expenses paid trip to Hawaii for two." Legato smiled. "The Master might want to go…"

"Yes Legato, I would like––" Knives was cut off.

"What do you think, Master?" Legato looked at The Great One. "Do you want me to enter?"

__

Yes Slave. This sounds interesting to me.

"L-Legato!" Knives screamed. "Pay attention to me!"

Legato quickly hid the Magic 8 Ball. "Oh, so sorry Other Master."

"When is the tournament?" Demonte asked.

"Today," Legato answered. "At noon."

"Well then, Team! We'd better hurry!" Milly was quick to pass out the food she and Meryl had cooked. Demonte passed out the rest.

Meryl was worried when Vash didn't come back for breakfast. When everyone was rounded up, ready to go to the park's tournament, he still wasn't back.

"Where is he?" Meryl glanced at Demonte. "He would never miss breakfast…"

"I don't know…" Demonte said. "He'll be back…don't worry."

Just as the crew was about to take off, Vash DID come back…hand in hand with Melissa.

Meryl gaped. "W-What is SHE doing here!?" Meryl asked Vash.

"I'm shocked, Meryl," Vash narrowed his eyes at her. "Melissa IS my girlfriend after all."

"That's NOT what I meant, Vash. How is Rem going to take another person staying with us?"

"I'm sure she'll manage…" Melissa smiled and hugged Vash.

"…I'm going to vomit…" Meryl growled and Demonte patted her back.

"Just ignore them."

"HEY! ARE WE GOING OR NOT!?" Knives shouted back to 'the losers'.

"Going where?" Vash asked.

"Well if you had been here, you would KNOW." Meryl scowled.

"Hush Meryl," Demonte told her and then looked back at Vash. "We're going to a tournament. Are you coming?"

"No thanks," Vash told him. "I'm going to stay here with my girlfriend."

Meryl growled. "Fine…" She said through gritted teeth. "Do what you want.

"Let's just go." Demonte grabbed her arm and they all took off for the fairgrounds.

"Welcome to the 13th Annual Air Hockey Tournament!" The announcer greeted over the loudspeaker. "I hope you all have fun here today and good luck to all the contestants!" The announcer set the microphone down and grinned. "You'll need it…"

"Sign up Legato! Now!" Knives told Legato.

"Yes Master," Legato said and leaned down to sign up on the sign-up sheet. He looked down at The Great One who had tagged along in Legato's arms.

"I'll be your coach," Knives volunteered. "The rest of the losers are sitting in the bleachers up top."

"Yes, Master," Legato said absentmindedly.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, quickly take your seats! The tournament is about to begin!"

Once Legato came back, Knives was quick to take immediate action. "All right Legato. We HAVE to win this. Do you even know how to play air hockey?"

"No." Legato responded.

The abrupt "WHAT!?" resounded throughout the entire arena and Meryl cringed as she glanced down from the bleachers at Knives.

"What was that all about?" Meryl asked.

"Who knows?" Demonte said.

"I think that this will be fun!" Milly giggled.

"Hey, it's starting…" Nick pointed out.

"And the first match will be up against George Matthews and Bob Fudge!" The announcer called the two out.

From below, Knives was explaining strategy to Legato. When he saw the blank look on Legato's face, Knives sighed and said the only thing he could think of. "Fine. Just cheat."

"Yes Master," Legato bowed.

A few minutes later, a winner was called.

"And the match goes to Bob Fudge! Congratulations!" A pause. "Now, we have Fred the Big against Legato Bluesummers. May the match begin!"

Legato walked up to the table and set The Great One on the side.

Fred snickered. "Is that your toy, kid? That cheap piece of plastic?"

Anger flared in Legato and he snapped his fingers.

"Hahaha–GUK!!" Fred clutched his heart and fell to the ground as his bones began to crunch together and then rip apart. Paramedics were immediately contacted and Fred was carried off in a stretcher.

"And due to a spontaneous heart attack, the match goes to Legato! The next match will be against Ronny and Splat!"

"Spontaneous heart attack my butt…" Nick muttered from up in the bleachers. "Can't that dude tell the difference?"

"Let's just ignore them." Meryl told him.

A few matches later, Legato was back up to the table. His opponent was Bob Fudge.

"I'm gonna whomp you!" Bob laughed conceitedly.

"Just start," Legato told him.

The beginning was heated and everyone was on the edge of their seats. Finally, the puck spun past Legato and into his hole.

"POINT!" Bob cheered.

…But the score remained at zero.

"What?" Bob asked. Then he looked at the puck stuck in Legato's hole. The puck came to life as it fled from the hole and into Bob's.

"HEY!" Bob shouted. "You didn't even touch it! How did that happen!?"

"The first point goes to Legato!" The announcer called.

"Not fair! That point was mine!" Bob raged.

"Just keep going, you pathetic human."

And so Legato kept on…controlling the puck…and making his opponent lose.

Soon…Bob lost.

"CHEATER! CHEATER! CHEATER!" Bob jumped on top of the table and grabbed the score reader. Legato rolled his eyes as he snapped his fingers and the scoreboard electrocuted Bob Fudge. "AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" The skin melted from Bob's face and soon his skeletal structure was the only thing left. Bob toppled, dead, off of the table.

"Boy…what a bunch of spontaneous deaths today…" The announcer muttered to himself but declared Legato the winner.

The next match was the semi-finals and Legato was up first.

Legato turned to The Great One. "Master, shall I compete in the semi-finals?"

__

Yes Slave…

"Then I shall!" Legato moved forward and competed again…and without saying too much…he cheated and won again.

And then he killed his opponent.

"AAAAAHHHHHH! OMG! OMG! MY HANDS ARE MELTING LIKE ACID RAINING FROM A VAST TESTING TUBE AND–––" Exclusion on the poetry…

Next came the finals and there were only two men left: Legato and a man named Cheese.

Legato turned to The Great One. "Master…this is it. This is the finals. If I win, I can go to Hawaii. Do you want me to compete?"

__

No.

"What?" Legato asked.

__

I'm hungry. Let's go home.

"I see, Master. Then I shall forfeit." Legato walked over to the judge and declared his forfeit. Then he walked off the fairgrounds.

"And since Mr. Legato has decided to forfeit, the prize goes to…MR. CHEESE!"

"YES!" Cheese jumped up into the air, punching a fist.

"WHAT!?" Knives jumped up from his chair away in the coaches' area. "LEGATO DID **WHAT!?**" Knives looked up at Legato. "WHAT DID YOU DO!?"

"The Master is hungry," Legato told him. "He wants to go home now."

"BUT WE'RE AT THE FINALS! ONE LAST MATCH, LEGATO! H-HAWAII! DON'T YOU WANT TO GO TO HAWAII!?"

"The Great One wants to go home," Legato repeated.

From atop of the bleachers…

"I don't believe this…" Meryl buried her face in her hands. "He forfeited?"

"Let's just stay up here for a while until Knives calms down and accepts the fact that Hawaii is no longer an available option to him…" Demonte suggested.

"THERE YOU LITTLE BRATS ARE!" Everyone turned to the madman in the center of the arena. It was none other than Ash and he was pointing an icy finger at Meryl and the others as he started the chainsaw attached to his arm.

"On second thought…" Demonte stood up. "Let's get out of here."

-_- Blaaaaaaahhhhh I hate this chapter. Lol no I don't hate Ash but it was funny to watch all the bad things happen to him. You all probably don't agree but that's okay. Anyway so sorry for taking so long. I got better from last time…for about two weeks…but I live here where there's snow and so I have this really bad cold with an infection in my throat and I can't eat and I can't sleep and it comes prepackaged with the flu and…Moving away from the sickness…Yeah, that's why I haven't been updating. It's a lame sonuvagun that lingers on forever. I've had it for a long friggin' time. That's probably why this chapter sucks…cause I wrote it during sickness. Anyway, R&R and the next chapter will be better…lol I promise. ^_^

BLD

__


	14. Christmas Disaster And The Second Hallow...

Disclaimer: Don't own stuff…like…Legato…And…yeah.

A/N: Yup. Long awaited chapter I suppose for some of you. I really don't have an excuse except for laziness…oh, and school. Anyway, I'll stop yapping and let you read the chapter now. Enjoy. HOPEFULLY this one will be better than the last one. Oh, and this chapter focuses mostly on The Great One and Legato and Knives, so to those who won't be happy about that, I apologize. ^_^

****

Hunting For The Elusive Mayfly Known As Love…Not

Chapter Fourteen

Christmas Disaster And The Second Halloween

By great demand from Knives, Rem was called up and the camping trip was ended early. Rem, none too happy with this, refused to say anything the entire car ride back to the hotel. However, SHE wouldn't let the kids ruin HER vacation. So she dropped them off at the hotel and drove back to her friend's home a few hours away from the hotel's current position.

Christmas was just in a few days, but no one was looking forward to it EXACTLY as one child should. Milly and Meryl had the misfortune of having to share their room with Melissa, who demanded that a line be drawn down half of the room, indicating HER side and Meryl and Milly's side. Unsurprisingly enough, Melissa got the larger side of the room, where the bathroom, built-in kitchen, and front door were. And guess what? Because Meryl and Milly were 'NOT' allowed to cross the line, Melissa was generous enough to inform them that the only way to go outside was climb out the window.

But that didn't stop Meryl from crossing the line when the haughty little snob wasn't looking…or throwing things at her…or putting shampoo in her morning coffee. ANYWAY, moving onto the next room containing all of the saddened guys…

Knives REFUSED to speak to Legato and Legato was just fine with that. He was too busy tending to the needs of The Great One and pampering the little magic 8 ball. Vash was sprawled out on the bed flipping through the channels on the TV with the remote, Demonte was reading a book that he had found in the hotel's library (wow…what a cool library), and Nick was staring out the window, aimlessly.

"How boring!" Knives exclaimed spontaneously. "When's Rem coming back to take us home?"

"Not for a few days," Vash muttered, still watching TV.

Knives growled. "But CHRISTMAS is in a few days. What? She's going to forget about us?"

"You would like that, wouldn't you?" Demonte said, his nose buried in the book.

Knives frowned and snatched the remote from Vash.

"Hey!" Vash shouted, and groped for the remote. Knives jumped off of the bed and proceeded to beat Demonte with the remote.

"What!? Hey!" Demonte used his book as a shield to cover his head. "You jerk!"

"Jerk!? Is that the best you can do!?" Knives overturned the pullout bed, smothering Demonte beneath it. "There, JERK!" Knives stormed over to the sink, grabbed a plastic cup and filled it with water. Then, randomly, threw the water on Nick.

"What the..!" Nick stared at his waterlogged shirt. "What did I do!?"

"You're not paying attention to what I am saying. Therefore, you deserve to be punished." Knives replied smugly.

"That's stupid logic!" Nick jumped up from his chair. "How about I push you out the window, Knives!?"

And aside from the pointless bickering, we move closer to Legato, who is consulting with The Great One.

"Master," Legato cooed. "What do you want for Christmas?"

_Is Santa coming?_

"Yes Master."

_Soon?_

"Yes."

_How soon?_

"Very."

_I would like to see Santa._

Legato stiffened. "B-But Master, Santa doesn't come unless you are asleep…"

_…_

"Master?"

_…I am sad._

"No Master!" Everyone stopped fighting and turned to Legato. "Do not be sad! I shall show Santa to you!"

_^_^_

"Are you happy again, Master?"

_Very. May we sing Christmas Carols as well?_

"If my Master desires it so, we shall sing Christmas Carols."

"What are you talking about!?" Knives spat. "Christmas Carols are for sissies!" Legato shot Knives a nasty glare, which surprised the blonde bully.

"My Master wishes to sing Christmas Carols," Legato said with that evil British accent of his. "And I intend to see that he gets what he wants."

"L-Legato!" Knives advanced towards him. "What are you talking about? You're MY servant! Why are you taking orders from a plastic ball!?"

Legato gasped and held The Great One close to him.

"How _dare_ you refer to my Master as THAT!"

Knives growled.

Demonte, finally pushing the pullout bed right side up again, blinked and then grabbed his book, plopping back onto the bed. "Well, something that does not involve me. Back to reading."

"Legato, I ORDER you to dispose of that THING!"

"Never!" Legato stood up. "I will never betray The Great One!"

"You're obsessed!"

"He is my Master!"

The fight ensued like this for several minutes until finally, Knives left the room, and Legato did the same. Legato headed for the restaurant and Knives for the library.

"Well…" Nick blinked. "That was fun."

An hour later, Legato emerged back in the room, carrying The Great One. He peeked around the corner. "Is my EX-Master gone?"

"Yes. He's downstairs probably setting fire to the library books." Demonte said, still reading his own book.

Meanwhile…

"Sir! What are you doing!?" The librarian cried.

Knives jumped on top of the counter and shouted, "FOOLISH MORTALS! OBEY ONLY ME, MILLIONS KNIVES! If you refuse, then SCREW YOU!" Knives whipped out a lighter and set fire to the counter.

"Heresy! Heresy!" The people cried.

And so, the library burned down and Knives was happy. The end.

Back in the room…

"Nicholas," Legato hovered over Nick, who had changed his clothes.

"What?" Nick asked. Legato set The Great One in his bed and put the earmuffs over the round ball.

"We must not let The Great One hear us. He is sleeping now."

"…" Nick blinked. "Right. Well, what do you want Legato?"

"Follow me outside." Legato commanded.

"What? We can't follow?" Vash asked.

"It is a personal matter for only the Preacher to know."

"…Um…okay." Vash said, turning back to the TV.

After the two retreated into the hall, Legato looked at Nick seriously and then said, "I require the usage of…your hat."

"You mean my confessional?" Nick asked dully.

"Call it whatever you'd like but I must use it."

"Legato…the confessional is not a hat."

"…Quiet. Let me use it."

Nick sighed as he pulled out a small pill and a water bottle and poured water on the pill. The capsule immediately transformed into the shiny and pretty confessional. Legato snatched it up from the floor and stuffed his head into it.

"Now, my son, what is your need?"

"…I am not your son, Wolfwood. Never say such a ludicrous thing EVER again."

Nick face faulted. "It's what ALL preachers say you numbskull! I never said that you were my son! Now stop wasting time and tell me what you want already!"

"I have committed a horrible sin…"

"Yes, we know that you disobeyed Knives," Nick cut the blue-haired medium off.

"…Shut up. Never mention his name again."

"Oh? So I was wrong?"

"I lied to The Great One."

"How so?"

"I told him that…Santa existed…"

Nick became silent.

"…What should I do?"

Silence.

"…Did you hear me?"

More silence.

"Nicholas! Are you even PAYING ATTENTION TO ME!?" Legato flared as he yanked the confessional from his head.

And then he blinked.

Nick stood there, his bottom lip quivering.

"What?" Legato asked.

"You…mean…" Nick squeaked. "Santa…doesn't…exist?"

Legato face faulted. "NO! He doesn't!"

Several doors opened with angry people behind them.

"Keep it down out there!" One man snapped.

"Yeah! Have some consideration for other people!"

"SILENCE!" Legato shouted as he used mind melding powers to unhinge the doors and began to beat the people with them.

Screams and cries could be heard all over the hotel and then there was silence as blood seeped from the rooms and out into the hall.

Nick gaped at the mess in horror as several rooms had been coated in blood. Jolting his head back to Legato, he cried, "You heartless monster! You didn't have to kill them!"

"They were interfering." Legato shrugged. "Now, where was I? Oh yes, what should I do, Nicholas? I promised The Great One that I would show him Santa."

"Maybe it's a good thing Santa DOESN'T exist," Nick mumbled, still staring at the crime scene. "I can't imagine how much coal Santa would give you for this."

"What was that?"

"Nothing. Well Legato," Nick turned back to Legato. "Perhaps you should uh…well…um…Well…you lied…"

"I know that! If lying was the only problem, I wouldn't have consulted you. BELIEVE ME." Legato shouted. "So what should I DO about it?"

"Uh…I don't know. Dress up as Santa?" Nick suggested.

Just then, Legato beamed. "What a SPLENDID idea! Thank you Nicholas. I shall make the preparations at once!" And with that, Legato scuttled down the hall. Nick stood there, scratching his head.

Christmas Eve came soundly and with no words exchanged between the evil arguing pair. Remaining in the hotel for three days was beginning to take its toll on the teenagers, and Vash rejoiced when he learned that Rem would be home the next morning in time for Christmas.

"It's bumper to bumper traffic dear," Rem said, talking on her cell phone as she and the car sat in line behind a zillion other cars. "I'm sorry I won't be there for Christmas Eve. You can manage without me though, right?"

"Of course Rem," Vash said as he twirled the phone cord around his index finger. "Melissa and I will be just fine."

"…I was referring to everyone besides you and Melissa, Vash. And one more thing…I'm not paying for her room or anything. So who do you think is?"

"Uh…" Vash hunched over, nervously. "It's all taken care of, Rem."

"It had BETTER be Vash Saverem, for your sake. My money doesn't grow on trees you know…"

"Technically it DOES Rem, because money is made from paper and paper comes from– – "

CLICK!

"…Hello?" Vash stared dumbly at the phone. "Rem? Are you there? Hello?" He gently put the phone on the receiver. "Must've gotten cut off."

"I doubt it," Demonte muttered, STILL reading the same book that he had been for the past three days. "She probably got tired of your constant backtalk."

"_SILENCE _Kalabis!" Vash hissed as he rolled off the bed. "What would you know? Always sitting there and reading that stupid book all day long. I hope it turns into a monster and eats your face."

"…I love you too Vash." Demonte rolled his eyes.

Vash cringed. "EWWWWW!"

Demonte mirrored Vash's face. "Oh geez, that was NOT meant to be taken seriously, you broom-headed moron!"

A knock on the door interrupted the two bickering men.

"I'll get it," Vash muttered as he moved towards the door. Opening it, he jumped backwards in horror. There, standing before him, were George, Midvalley, Sven, and Rai-Dei ALL wearing Santa suits…including the beards.

"…I'm sorry, but the North Pole is next door." Vash began to close the door on them and then was pushed backwards as all the men barged in through the doorway. "This is considered harassment I hope you know," Vash's eyes narrowed.

"Har-ess-ment…" George's tongue was hanging out over his beard.

"Ah, going out with your friends, I see," Demonte said, his eyes peeking over his book.

"Shut up Kalabis!" Vash roared. "These are NOT my friends!"

"But they look just like you."

Vash growled, his hands balling up into fists.

"I-Is Legato here?" Sven whispered. "We want to surprise the Master…"

"Which one?" Demonte asked, setting his book aside.

"What do you _MEAN _'which one'?" Midvalley snorted, taking the words offensively. "We only serve The Great One."

"Figured," Demonte said. "You all resemble idiots of the same clique." Then he gestured towards Vash. "I'm surprised that he isn't in your party."

"AAAHHHHH!!!!" Vash hissed, growing fangs. Hurdling himself through the air, he pounced on Demonte and the two were flung out the open window.

"IIIIII HHHHHAAAAAAATTTTTEE YYYYYOOOOOOUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!" Demonte shouted as he and Vash fell several stories towards the fountain directly below them.

"Now make a wish darling," A nerdy father with nerdy broken glasses, a nerdy backpack, and a nerdy beanie said to his nerdy son with the same nerdy broken glasses, nerdy backpack, and the same nerdy beanie. Aaaah, like father, like son. ^_^ "Maybe the fountain fairy will make all of your dreams come true…"

__

KKKKKEEEERRRRRSSSSSPPPPLLLLAAAAASSSSHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

"OH MERCY NO!" The father screamed as two figures cannonballed into the fountain, a tsunami rising high above the nerdy father and the nerdy son. The water engulfed the two nerds and they drowned in their own wishes. ^_^

"Am I dead?" Vash asked, dazed, as he submerged through the remainder of the water, coughing up any unwanted liquids in his lungs.

"Sadly, no," Demonte mumbled, crawling out of the fountain. "But I wish I was."

"Don't dream alone Kalabis," Vash shot a scornful glare in the dark-haired boy's direction.

"HEY VASH!" The two looked up to see Sven leaning far over the windowsill, calling down to them. "WHERE'S LEGATO!?"

"HOW SHOULD I KNOW!?" Vash yelled. "I'M NOT HIS KEEPER!"

"OH…OKAY."

"I hope someone pushes him over the ledge," Demonte stomped back inside of the hotel. "That way, there won't be any water left to save him."

And soon, Legato (Dressed in the Santa outfit) emerged into the room. Looking around, he crept closer to the 'Fantastic Five'.

"We came just as soon as you called, Legato," Midvalley informed the megalomaniac blue boy. "Where's the Master?"

"Shhh," Legato put a finger to his lips. "He's sound asleep in the girls' room. We must make plans now."

Uh…Legato? In the girls' room?

Melissa walked in, chewing bubblegum, and jumped on the bed. Meryl was in the shower and Milly was on the phone with her parents, who COMPLETELY understood that she wouldn't be home for Christmas…etc…etc…

"Oh yes mum, I understand…uh-huh…Nick's mother is suicidal without him…Right…Dad already killed himself…Yes, mom I'll be sure to tell Nick that. Oh, how are Sempai's parents? They were in jail last I heard. Oh and Demonte's grandfather too…Oh? They still aren't out? Oh poor Sempai and Demonte. They won't see them for Christmas…Yes mum we'll be home day after tomorrow. I promise…No, Rem's stuck in traffic mum…Right…She's a bad driver mum, yes…Yes…okay…I love you too mum…Hugs and kisses…bye-bye…" Milly put down the phone.

"Nick's dad killed himself!?" Melissa asked, blowing a huge bubble with her bubblegum.

"Well…It was suicidal FAILURE," Milly corrected, twirling a lock of her hair around her finger.

"…Isn't that a song?" Melissa asked.

"Oh yes, that's where Nick's dad got the idea to kill himself. He tried to beat himself over the head with a baseball bat, run himself over with the car, tried to pick a fight with the lawnmower, and it JUST didn't work. He's in therapy right now."

"…I see." Melissa leaned back, resting her head against the pillows. "Wait…what's this lumpy thing?"

Just as she turned her head to look back at the pillow, Meryl emerged from the bathroom, her damp hair hanging in her eyes. And…she was still draped in a towel.

"Milly," Meryl growled. "I set my clothes out in the bathroom. WHY are they not there now?"

"Oh…sorry Meryl. I didn't know that they were YOUR clothes." Meryl wanted to face fault.

"WHOSE clothes did you think that they were then!?" Meryl raged.

Milly shrugged. "Vash's?"

"WHY WOULD VASH'S CLOTHES BE IN **OUR** BATHROOM!?" Meryl diverted her gaze to Melissa. "Never mind, I know the reason."

"Touché," Melissa rolled her eyes as she pushed the pillows away.

"Where are my clothes now, Milly?" Meryl sighed.

"Probably in the lost and found, Meryl. You should go check."

Meryl growled. "Right, **I** should go check. That was my ONLY pair of clothing and here I am CLOTHED in ONLY a towel. So why don't I give the hotel a strip show and cavort right on down to the lost and found?" She said sardonically.

Milly clapped her hands together. "Oh, you're going to put on a show for the hotel, Meryl? How nice of you!"

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Melissa screamed as she toppled off the bed.

_AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

The Great One sat, snuggled beneath the pillows, held in a staring contest between the girls.

"OH MY GOSH!" Meryl cried as she brought her hands up to her face.

…And her towel dropped.

"What!? What is it!?" Vash bolted through the door, followed by Legato and his lackeys. He turned to look at Meryl, and gaped.

"PERVERT!" Meryl screamed as she hurriedly wrapped the towel back around herself and slapped Vash senseless before stomping back into the bathroom.

Spinning in a circle, Vash fell to the floor and Legato leaped across him and scooped the crying Great One in his arms.

_; ______ ; ::Sniffles::_

"Master, don't cry!" Legato said as he rocked the little Magic 8 Ball in his arms.

_::Sniffles:: Santa?_

"Yes!" Legato said and then motioned the other four Santas to join him. "It is us, Santa."

_…There are five of you?_

"Uh…" They all muttered, staring at each other.

"**I** am the real Santa," Legato laughed. "and these are my little helpers. We heard your Christmas Wish that you wanted to see us and we came to you."

_^_^ Can we sing Christmas Carols?_

"Of course we can!" Rai-Dei cheered, the other four egging him on.

_YAY!_

And so The Great One was happy.

…Until Vash got to his feet and pointed an accusing finger at Legato.

"YOUR STUPID BALL SAW MERYL NAKED, LEGATO! THAT IS UNACCEPTABLE!"

_…Legato? What is he talking about Santas?_

"I have absolutely NO idea," Legato said through gritted teeth and then hurled an arm in Vash's direction, where Vash immediately crumpled to the floor, the telekinesis powers crunching his bones backwards. "Perhaps we should leave now and sing Christmas Carols."

"Oh REALLY now?" Everyone turned to look up at Knives, who haunted the doorway. His arms were folded over his chest. "Spending Christmas with the ball, RIGHT Slaves?"

"The Great One is NOT a BALL!" Midvalley cried. "He is our Master!"

"YEAH!" Everyone agreed.

Knives' eyes widened in surprise. "What…did…you…say?"

"You heard the posse," Legato spoke. "You are no longer our Master. From now on, The Great One is our ONLY Master! HUZZAH!" Legato lifted The Great One high into the air.

"HUZZAH!" Everyone rallied.

_^____________^ YAY!_

Knives' bottom lip puffed out as he tried to find the words to say. "F-Fine! Who needs you losers anyway!? I still have Monev and Dominique and…and…Grey…" Knives' eyes narrowed. "I don't need ANY of you!"

"YAY! Onwards men!" Legato cheered as he led the other Santas outside to sing Christmas Carols. Knives watched after them, miserably.

"And wait until you see what we got you for Christmas, Master," Sven rambled on as they continued down the hall. "You'll love it!"

Knives turned away and stared at a wall in the girls' room.

"I don't need them…" Knives said quietly, all eyes on him. "…Really, I don't."

Nick sat inside of the guys' room, flipping through the channels on the TV. Demonte was bandaging his wounds that the fall had caused, and scowled as he finished tying one around his arm.

"That stupid Vash. He's WAY too destructive. I don't know how many lives I have left."

"That's Vash for you," Nick said, not taking his eyes away from the TV. "Ah! The Christian Channel!"

"Great," Demonte said, snatching the remote out of his hands. "We'll watch that AFTER we look at the news." Flipping back a few channels, Demonte stopped as a woman appeared. "Ah, here we go. Look Nick," He gestured to the TV. "The Mayor of Gunsmoke is on."

"Good evening my fellow citizens," The Mayor began. "It's the Holidays and I would randomly like to send out a 'Get Well Soon' to Mr. Joseph Wolfwood who is currently in therapy after repeatedly trying to kill himself."

"WHAT!?" Nick cried, lunging for the TV. "MY FATHER TRIED TO DO WHAT!? THAT IS NOT THE WAY OF HIS HOLINESS!"

"Mrs. Maryann Wolfwood is also randomly suicidal and so are their two children, Bobby and Heather Wolfwood."

"WHY!?" Nick screamed. "BOBBY AND HEATHER!? **RANDOMLY **SUICIDAL!? HOW CAN ANYONE JUST BE **RANDOMLY **BE SUICIDAL!?"

"Now, Nick," Demonte bit his bottom lip and tried to calm the hysterical preacher man. "Don't get riled up for nothing. Maybe it's a different family."

Whirling around to meet Demonte with insane eyes, Nick spat, "_Oh? And just HOW many Wolfwoods do you know that has a mom named Maryann, a dad named Joseph, and two siblings named Bobby and Heather who just RANDOMLY TRY TO KILL THEMSELVES!?_"

Demonte blinked.

"And in other news," The Mayor continued. "There has been a petition to outlaw New Year's Day and uh…" A piece of paper was handed to the Mayor. "It's been PASSED! No more New Year's Day! Why? Because it's a USELESS Holiday where all people do is drink, get drunk, and make empty promises!"

"Uh…?" Demonte and Nick blinked.

"So instead of New Year's Day, for now and forever more, we are going to have a SECOND HALLOWEEN! YAY! DOESN'T THAT SOUND LIKE FUN!?"

O.O;

Why? Just…why?

Meanwhile, our faithful Santas are…

"Deck the halls with bo– – "

"SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!" An elderly man screamed as he swung his cane around, trying to hit Legato and his friends. "I CAN TAKE NO MORE OF YOUR HORRENDOUS SINGING!"

Legato looked down towards The Great One.

_; ________ ; I am sad…Our joyous singing is not liked…_

"HERESY!" Midvalley screamed as he hit the old man over the head with his saxophone, Sylvia.

"LET'S PUSH HIM DOWN THE STAIRS!" Sven rallied as he held his green apple to the sky.

"HUZZAH FOR CHRISTMAS DAY!" The Santas sang as they tossed the old man down the stairs.

"SSSSSSCCCCCCRRRREEEEWWWWW YYYYYOOOOOUUUUUU!!!!!!!" The old man cried as he tumbled down the stairs and landed in a cactus…which impaled him…and milk no longer filled the cactus's needs as blood did just fine. Yay.

And now it was Midnight…what was going to come next?

********************************************

Geez, and THIS is how I repay you all for waiting so long for this chapter? So sorry. Please forgive me. This chapter was so messed up. ::Shakes head:: What on earth was I on?

Yeah, I expect some head shakes and some 'tsks, tsks' from people who just don't understand me. But if you DO…Then please leave a courteous review or one that gives me helpful advice that will make my story better…not one that tells me to 'jump off a cliff'. ^_^ Cha!

BLD


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